Let’s be real. It seems that the great majority of men from all cultures are cheaters. Could it be nature or nurture.

As a man I know that we are bombarded with images of sex everyday, everywhere. Even when watching the evening news I notice that most of the women are attractive. Can’t say that for most of the guys. Why is that? That’s just one example.

For a man it’s macho to get as many women as you can while you can. But if a woman does the same then she’s considered a host of unpleasant titles.

I often wonder if women are taught that they can’t be as free sexually as men, or if they just don’t have the desire to be. But I think that women do have the same desires. They just have to be a lot more concerned about what they do in view of the public.

This would explain why women are better cheaters then men are. It’s not socially acceptable for them to be like us, so when they do play our game they are usually better prepared to hide their dirt. Except for those women who make it known that they don’t give a s_it. We all know what we call them. But is it right?

Tell me what you all think……

The Top Ten Reasons Why Modern Dating Is Dead – and better yet, what YOU can do about it.

1. SEEKING HER APPROVAL AND ASKING HER OUT IS BAD And here’s the kicker – our entire modern dating system is set up so that you, the man, are being APPROVED OF at every juncture.

You ASK her if she wants to go out with you, you buy her stuff, you pay for her dinner, you give her compliments and at the end of the night you go in for a kiss and maybe you “get lucky”. Where in this equation are your needs being met? What are you, Chopped Liver? She’s the one that ultimately wants a commitment from you, why does she then get to choose, and shouldn’t she be “getting lucky” to have you?

What You Can Do About It: I propose that you no longer seek any sort of approval whatsoever from women. In fact you should be looking at HER critically and asking both yourself and her “Why should I be spending my time with you?” “What is it about you besides your obvious looks, that sets you apart from the multitudes of other beautiful women”. In fact, keep this in mind – there are right now more than likely thousands of beautiful women within a mile of you – RIGHT NOW. Any of those women would be LUCKY to have a happenin’ guy like YOU! Adopt that attitude right now.

2. DATING SITUATIONS CAUSE YOU TO ACT LIKE “OTHER PEOPLE” And That’s BAD! Ever been on a date that seemed more like a job interview than a good time with a cute girl? Ever play that 20 question game knowing full well you didn’t care what she said, you just wanted some action and you tried to tell her whatever she needed to hear to maybe get some? She gets up to go to the bathroom and you are thinking “Gee I hope she likes me!”

Revelation guys - it’s because the whole “frame” of dating causes you to become a different person. Chris Rock makes a joke about dating that “you don’t meet the other person, you meet their REPRESENTATIVE”. There’s just too damned much pressure here, and besides, it’s none of her business how much is in my 401k!

What You Can Do About It: Stop going on lame dates! Keep dates as informal as possible and above all avoid using personas – i.e., don’t play any roles like “successful guy”, “player”, “intellectual snob guy” hoping that’s what she’ll be into, and don’t tailor your answers to suit her, just be real. If you catch her doing it, goof on her!

3. SPENDING LOTS OF TIME PLANNING AN ELABORATE FIRST FEW DATES IS BAD Dinner, dancing, bowling, getting dressed up, this makes you look desperate. Maybe you aren’t desperate but that doesn’t matter – you LOOK desperate in her mind. If you had a busy life and a ton of other options you would not be planning this date to a tee. Nine times out of ten a woman can smell desperation on you. Unless you are a zillionaire and can whisk her off to Paris in your private jet, she’s going to think you are a chump who is just trying to impress her. And you know what – she’s right! Save the elaborate stuff for the fifth date when she already knows that you are a happenin’ guy who doesn’t need to impress her.

What You Can Do About It: Take her grocery shopping, have her tag along while you look at shoes, don’t make plans more than two days out, bring a bottle of wine, some cheap caviar and a box of saltines over to her house and watch “Sex and the City Reruns” with her on the spur of the moment. Keep it convenient, spontaneous, and keep it on your terms!

4. TRYING TO IMPRESS HER IN GENERAL IS BAD. In fact, most women will tell you it’s downright unattractive. Fancy dates, fancy cars, status symbols, bragging about your business deals, all telltale signs that you’ve got nothing going on in the PERSONALITY department and are probably very self conscious in general. Women can smell this too and the only women who respond favorably to this type of small behavior are generally manipulative sociopaths with really low self esteem.

What You Can Do About It: Relax and just be your cool self. Stop worrying about what she will think of you, instead focus on what YOU think of HER. Is she cuttin’ it? Is she worth your time? Further, don’t go too far out of your way on a date, make her come to you, do things that are convenient for you. See Number 3!

5. SPENDING LOTS OF MONEY BUYING HER ROMANTIC THINGS IS BAD This is taking 3 and 4 a step further - I know, I know, your mom told you to show up with a bouquet of roses and take her to the best restaurant, or “I’m only trying to be a gentleman.” This is NOT the prom. In reality things that seem romantic like flowers and candy just set a strong precedent that you will be SPENDING money from here on in.

She will begin to expect you to always be laying out the bread. This will cause her to not respect you as a man, you become the guy whom she hangs out with and tolerates because you buy her things, when you really want to be the guy who makes her all googly moogly and rocks her world in the sack! Also, it’s been my experience that with women of high character and self esteem, buying flowers, candies, and ‘stuff’ for her will tend to creep her out if you do it too soon or too often. It comes back to a weak attempt to try to impress her, masked in the guise of being a gentleman or nice guy.

Further, in that ironic cosmic way that the world works, having this mindset of “I need to take her to the best restaurant and spend money on her to keep her interested in me” will cause you to attract gold diggers, and you know them gold diggers ain’t messin’ with no broke…. Well, you get the point.

What You Can Do About It: Wait a long time before spending money, and the cheaper the better, give her a fun time without blasting a hole in your bank account. Make her a flower with origami, or draw her a rose on a napkin, she’ll appreciate that way more than a $5 rose anyway! Seems silly but trust me it works, when you are strolling down the street, pluck a daisy from the ground and give it to her.

When you DO finally bust a move with the flowers, candy and expensive dinners, she will really swoon and this will further cement her respect for you, and it will come from a place where again – she already knows you are a happenin’ guy and you don’t need to impress her!

6. PLANNING IN ADVANCE IS BAD And hardly ever works. Again, this sets up her approving of you and removes spontaneity. Women want to be swept off their feet, carried away by the moment, etc. How many times have you “asked” a woman out, she tells you “Call me Friday and I’ll let you know”… which of course is code for “If nothing better comes along I’ll let you buy me dinner and lots of drinks”.

Let’s face it gents, women are becoming less and less reliable when it comes to making plans in advance, especially the hotter ones. They Flake, it’s a fact of life. They have options and they need to know, or at least think that you have options too.

What You Can Do About It: Take that “Call me Friday and I’ll let you know” trick away from her and use it yourself! Keep things spontaneous – call her last minute and tell her to meet you across town at the Laundromat. If you are feeling extra cool, make a date with her and flake first. Steal her game away from her and play it back!

7. DINNER AND A MOVIE IS BAD Okay, it’s worse than bad, it just plain SUCKS! It’s a bad plan on so many levels. It’s expensive, it brings out that “REPRESENTATIVE” thing Chris Rock and I were just talking about, it’s predictable and it’s painfully boring. She will be thinking “Oh God, is he going to be like that cheesy guy last week who tried to make out with me in the movie theater?” Ouch! It’s too painful to go on, but I think you get it don’t you? Don’t you?? Phew…

What You Can Do About It: Be original, build some intrigue. HAVE FUN with her! Don’t tell her where you are going, but tell her to wear some nice jeans and sexy shoes or a little black dress and bring a bathing suit and a Rand McNally road Atlas! Oh she doesn’t have one? Well they sell them at Barnes and Noble she can pick one up on her way! Go James Bond baby, but absolutely no no no no dinner and a movie!

8. WAITING TO HAVE SEX WITH HER IS BAD Oh, I know – you are thinking if you wait a few dates, it’ll prove to her that you really aren’t just in it for the booty. Well you are wrong! This is really just a glorified way of trying to impress her and will only cause her to respect you less! You have to understand that she wants you but it’s her societally induced role to play “hard to get”, to play by “the rules” and it’s your job to crack her code and push her toward “giving it up”. This is done by attempting to have sex with her as quickly as you possibly can!

Waiting around and NOT escalating physically will actually cause her to think that you are not interested in her and will automatically banish you to the “friend zone” as a self protective mechanism for her! Her ego cannot fathom that you could be interested in her yet not make a move, so she automatically thinks you have rejected her and to keep you from ever rejecting her again she immediately stops being attracted to you!

This is very often times unconscious behavior for her that she may never be aware of. She will say to her friends “I don’t know what happened. I just stopped being interested in him for some reason… he’s a nice guy but I guess he’s not my type.” Believe me, I’ve got years of practice finding my way into the friend zone, and once you are in it, you ain’t gettin’ out!

What You Can Do About It: Learn how to properly seduce a woman, learn where the escalations are, and learn how to guide her through those escalations as quickly as possible. In other words: Bust A Move! Get Physical! Stop being a wimp. It might take you three dates to break her down, but she will respect you and trust me: She is ENJOYING resisting you.

Put yourself out there and risk being rejected and nine times out of ten you will not be. I believe in having sex with a woman as quickly as possible and will often make it happen on the first date! Further, if you are any good in the sack and you rock her world, the choice of whether to continue to see her will be all yours and completely on your terms. Not bad huh?

9. BEING ASEXUAL AND MASKING YOUR INTENT IS BAD This goes hand in hand with Number 8 and is also another weak attempt to try to impress her by being a “gentleman” or being a “nice guy”. Guys, she wants to sleep with you, oh maybe consciously it’s not a given quite yet, but because she is with you she is giving you a window of opportunity to make it happen, how long that window stays open, and how long it takes you to jump through it is up to you! I don’t know about you but I live my life as honestly as possible.

Acting as though I’m not interested in having sex with her, being nonchalant or acting “asexual” to me seems downright disingenuous! That’s not to say I walk around like a drooling hound dog, but I don’t sugarcoat my masculinity, censor my speech or act blandly asexual in hopes that she’ll respect me for my intellect and as such want to sleep with me. It just doesn’t work that way and it’s a poor, dishonest way to live your life!

What You Can Do About It: Pepper your speech with double entendres and sexy words like thrust, erect and penetrate. Describe your food as a “tiny little orgasm in every bite”. Develop a “warmly dominant” and flirtatious personality that subtly announces to women “Hey, I’m a man and you want a man don’tcha?” Touch her, learn how to properly escalate physical touching so that she knows “it’s on” and becomes excited about it.

10. NOT UNDERSTANDING THE NEW PARADIGM OF DATING AND SEDUCTION IS BAD! Yes gentleman, it’s time to take dating out of the crusty old box it’s been in for years and bring it into the new millennium! If there’s one thing that the sexual revolution taught us it’s that: WOMEN LOVE SEX JUST AS MUCH AS MEN DO, IF NOT MORE! However, we are still stuck in a world where having random sex with guys she doesn’t know has consequences for a woman. She could get pregnant, catch a disease, her friends could think she’s a slut…

It is therefore your job as a man to remove and / or work around those consequences. You have to accept that woman everywhere want sex and are dying to meet a guy who can guide them through the seduction process, and ultimately give them the mind blowing sex they want in a way that causes it to be “not their fault”. “He swept me off my feet”, “He was irresistible”, “I don’t know what came over me”… You do this by creating intrigue, not masking your intent or trying to impress her, being spontaneous, avoiding the dinner and a movie / overly planned event date and above all HAVING FUN with her!

What You Can Do About It: Think of your own unique, intrigue filled situations and go out and have yourself some fun with some women! Tune up your dating and seduction skills. GET SOME GAME!

E’s Question of the day: 

Does it bother you to think about how many sex partners your current partner has had? 

Or do you think about it at all? 

I know when you’re involved in a relationship. It can be difficult to think about your lover being with another person, much less talk about it. But with disease and so many unplanned pregnancies, I think it’s absolutely imperative that it be discussed. 

But how do you go about approaching the subject? And will you be able to handle the answer once you get it? 

My ex once told me, “Don’t ask me anything you don’t want to know the answer to.” So I asked. And honestly even though I’d had twice as many partners as she’d had I still felt kinda’ weird about it. It took a while for me to put it out of my mind. Every time she would run into an old friend when we’d be out together I’d want to know if he was one of the many. 

How do you deal with your ex being so friendly to those they use to be sexually active with? 

Please tell me what you think…..

Six Surefire Ways to End Up Old and Lonely

It seems to be a natural human trait that we don’t recognize the value of what we have until it is gone. People often make statements such as:

“You never call or come to visit.”

They wonder why. Sometimes we have to do some really difficult soul searching to find the answer. But if you’re really hell bent on being old and lonely here are a few ways to accomplish that task.

Alienate everyone you know.

There are several easy ways to do this. Be rude. Insult them. Keep a totally negative attitude. Complain all the time. If that doesn’t work they’re just gluttons for punishment. Never fear. There are other ways.

Get rid of excess baggage.

If they live with you just throw them out at least once a week. Sooner or later they’ll get tired of all the packing and unpacking and just move on. If they’re the stubborn type you may have to repeat the process several times for it to be effective. But repetitive behavior does pay off eventually.

Use words that hurt.

Treat them like crap. Tell them how worthless they are. Downplay their good points. Focus on their faults, weaknesses and flaws. Never give them any credit. Talk down to them. That usually works really well.

Get downright selfish.

Point out all the wonderful things you’ve done for them but don’t acknowledge anything they’ve done for you. Use the words I, me, my and mine a lot. Remind them how they would be nothing without you.

Play the blame game.

Blame them for every negative thing that has ever happened in your life. No. Don’t stop there. Go for the gusto. Blame them for everything that has gone wrong in the entire world. This will really bring them to their knees.

Replace them but keep them around like a spare tire.

If you want to break off a relationship tell him or her that there’s bigger, better fish in the sea. In fact, reel one in to bring home and put the trophy on display. This will really get him or her where it hurts. Don’t forget to say you’ll always be friends. That’s a real tearjerker. Don’t forget to call your old flame to watch the kids so you and the new flame can have fun. That’s sticking the knife between the shoulder blades and twisting real hard.

If it’s your friends you’re giving the brush off to just tell them you’ve found other friends that are more fun, influential or have more money. You’ll have some new enemies to go along with your new friends.

Time has passed and you have only your memories to keep you company. The new friends that you tossed aside your old friends for have made new friends of their own. Family members became weary of trying and moved on. You sabotaged your last relationship just like the one before and now you’re all alone. Don’t you wish you had done things differently?

What’s up world? Just a quick intro of myself. My name is Erin, I live in Chicago, born and raised in St. Louis. I will be the new “Blog” guy for this great and wonderful site.
I’m no expert on love or relationships. I’m just a regular heterosexual 30-year-old brother who’s been thru it all when it comes to women. And over the last year or so I decided to take time away from relationships and focus all of my time and energy on my career. I’m a filmmaker / writer, currently working on a Universal Studios film here in the Chi.
My objective on this site is to put questions out there concerning relationships and to answer any questions that are asked of me concerning  relationships.  I’ll try to keep it interesting.
Again this is all just my opinion. And I AM NO EXPERT. I’m just an honest individual. So please hit me up with any questions or comments.
Peace

Question: How important is it to hold back a little when you are in an early, loving relationship?

When I was in college I was hanging with a few of my female friends. As usual I was the only guy around and we got into a pretty heated conversation about relationships.
One of them turned to me and said, “When you are in love you are not supposed to think about things going wrong.”
I thought that was pretty stupid. My argument was that in any situation you should be prepared for the day that things are no longer the same. If that means putting a little nest egg to the side that your partner doesn’t know about, so be it.
But later when I thought about what she was saying I understood that I sounded like some type of love skeptic, which I am.
But my logic is that nothing last forever. So when your relationship does end, how long will it take you to get back to normal, by yourself and for yourself?
But I wonder if that mentality keeps me from opening myself up enough to allow true love into my life…. Probably so.
My question is should you pour yourself into someone else completely? If not how do you give enough and not everything?
What do you all think?

If you’ve got a significant other, I highly recommend you keep the spark of your relationship alive and find ways to show you appreciate each other, every week and every day, if possible.

Look for little, inexpensive ways to be romantic, and it will pay off for your relationship in innumerable ways.

Why inexpensive? Well, you could rent a limo and take your love to a snooty French restaurant, or whisk him or her off to a trip to the snow-capped Alps, or rent a stadium and have the Three Tenors sing love songs for you while the New York Philharmonic plays in the background. I don’t know about you, but I can’t afford to do that kind of stuff more than a few times a month. The rest of the time, I have to resort to cheaposity.

Before we get into the list, let’s look at a few notes on how to use the list:

1. Weekly dates. I recommend you have a date at least once a week with your partner. It doesn’t have to be an expensive one, but at least find some way to spend a couple hours time together. If you’ve got kids, like I do, find a babysitter.
2. Communicate. Romantic gestures don’t take the place of real communication. Take time to talk about your goals, your dreams, your plans for the future, your current lives, things you’re happy about, things you love about the other person, things you’d like to work on, things you’re grateful for.
3. Inspiration. This list contains a lot of obvious stuff - you could probably come up with twice as many good ideas yourself. But the list doesn’t aim for originality - it aims to be an inspiration. Pick and choose some good ideas, or use it to spark some of your own. Sometimes we just need a little reminder.
4. Forget Valentines. Boycott Valentine’s Day, as it makes people think they should be romantic on special occasions. Instead, pick one of these ideas and do it any day of the week - no need for a special occasion.

OK, enough talk. Let’s look at some ways to be romantic without breaking your budget (note to my mom: don’t read this, as there are a couple of sexy-time things later on):

1. Write a poem.
2. Cook a romantic dinner.
3. Give a full-body massage.
4. Pack a sunset picnic.
5. Pick wildflowers on the way home.
6. Burn a CD with love songs.
7. Give dark chocolates.
8. Read poetry together.
9. Prepare strawberries with fondue chocolate.
10. Snuggle together on a rainy day.
11. Leave little love notes everywhere.
12. Send a love email every day.
13. Take a moonlit walk on the beach.
14. Snuggle together while watching romantic movies (Casablanca, Audrey Hepburn are my favs).
15. Get good wine, watch shooting stars.
16. Take a bath together (use bubbles!).
17. Bring home good coffee or a decadent sweet.
18. Take a walk down memory lane - visit some of the special places from your early days of dating.
19. Make warm chocolate cake for dessert.
20. Make a scrapbook with photos, mementos, and little notes from you lives together.
21. Kiss in the rain.
22. Ride a ferris wheel.
23. Sneak away from a party and make out.
24. Bring home great take-out, and light some candles.
25. Fix something or fix up the house just to make your partner happy.
26. Slow dance to romantic music.
27. Take a nap together.
28. Kiss slowly, touching his or her back and neck and nape - slowly.
29. Make a list of everything you love about him or her.
30. Write a love letter.
31. Clip or email things that make you think of him or her, every day.
32. Go to a movie, ignore the movie, and make out like teen-agers.
33. Groom yourself, and try to look good for your partner.
34. Take some quiet time and talk about your day.
35. Write little notes, one for each way he or she drives you crazy.
36. Feed each other grapes.
37. Recreate your partner’s favorite romantic movie scene.
38. Pretend you’re going on a first date - show up at the door with flowers, all dressed up, with your car washed and cleaned, looking spiffy. Recreate the first time.
39. Create a little box with a bunch of your partner’s favorite things inside.
40. Paint each other with flavored body paint. Be creative!
41. Try some sexy role-playing. Get dressed up, be daring, have fun.
42. Give a little token to your partner to wear, and say it’s to remind him or her all day that you love them.
43. Sing a favorite song to him or her. Only do this if you can sing fairly well.
44. Have dinner on the roof, with some candles. This doesn’t work if your roof slopes sharply.
45. Hold hands, and walk somewhere with lots of pretty lights.
46. Say I love you. In a different way, every day.
47. Blindfold your partner. Use a feather. Slowly.
48. Declare your love, very publicly.
49. Fruit or berries and freshly made whipped cream.
50. Play Sade. Do what comes naturally. Slowly.
via [zenhabits.net]

Breaking up is hard to do - but it’s something we all seem to go through at one time or another. Well most of us do anyway. It seems to affect us similarly whether we are young or old, famous or not, rich or poor and irrespective of where we are in the world. Below are a few suggestions that will hopefully help you decrease your recovery time and maybe minimize the amount of mistakes made along the way.

1) Don’t try to be their friend - make a “clean break” As tempting as it is, if you are still in love with your EX, and he or she doesn’t reciprocate the feelings and intensity, then you’re better off making a clean break. I call it E.R. (”Emotional Rehab”) - which is basically just my way of saying “time to go cold turkey”. Most people choose to ignore this advice, and remain their ex’s friend - somehow imagining if they do continue to be this wonderful, supportive friend, their EX will miraculously see the err of their ways - and take them back. That so seldom happens. Now some of you will insist on remaining “friends” with your ex (or have to due to classes, jobs or children together), so if you are attempting this, be sure to set some ground rules. For example, do not discuss your former relationship, your new partners, or anything else that you know to be a potentially volatile subject. Resist every urge in you to ask those personal questions - most of the time the answers hurt! Keep conversations relevant to work, children or classes and away from any emotional topics. It is not easy, but it is achievable. Eventually many non-believers “cut contact”, because it really is too hard trying to be someone’s “buddy” - when you’re wanting more. This is especially true when your EX starts seeing someone new and starts asking you for advice (yes really!) or tries to share the gory details. No thanks. You’re better off saying - “I care for you, and maybe in time, when I am over the pain, we can resume a friendship.” While it is rare, in some instances, absence DOES make the heart grow fonder and they do realize what they have been missing and reconciliation is on the cards. In others, the time apart actually serves to make you see the relationship for how it really was, and shocking as this may be to you right now, in time you just may realize you don’t want to be their friend after all! Finally, after you are over your EX and no longer harbor secret desires to get back together then you can really become “just friends”.

2) Do erase their telephone number from your mobile phone As text messaging is such a HUGE thing, you’d be wise to delete their name and number from your mobile phone (and address book) straight away. You may also be able to bar their number from your phone too. Deleting your ex’s details will save you phoning or texting at 4am to ask “Why? Why? Why?” you were dumped, or save you from begging your ex, drunkenly, to take you back. That method seldom (if ever) works for reconciliation. It often has the adverse effect. Who enjoys getting woken up in the middle of the night by someone’s incoherent rantings? Or by being bombarded by text messages from someone that just doesn’t seem to get the hint.

3) Do delete their old emails and their handle from your online “buddy” lists If you can bring yourself to DELETE all of the old emails between you, then do it. If that seems to drastic, at least put them onto a disc or burn them CD and put them somewhere where you won’t be tempted to continually re-read each one over and over. You just end up torturing yourself. Similarly to number two - remove and block them from your buddy lists. I know you think it’s a minor offense, even quite harmless, to keep in touch with your ex via email or instant messaging programs, but the only one you’re fooling is yourself.  Often you just end up spying on them, checking to see when they are on (and wondering who they are talking to if it’s not you!), analysing each message they send you, or worse yet, you get hurt when they tell you they are off “out” that night (and don’t say where). It’s an absolute nightmare, why put yourself through all that? In a weird sort of way, keeping in touch electronically is a form of denial. It’s a way of staying in the relationship even when the other person isn’t physically there anymore. After six months or so have passed, if you decide you want to, then you can add them back to your buddy list and allow them to see you again on theirs. Hopefully enough time will have past where you are better able to handle being in touch.

4) Don’t sit around staring at the mementos Put away the letters, pictures and any personal belongings of your ex. Box them up and put them in a closet or somewhere equally out of sight. I have known some people to have ceremonial burnings, but that may be a bit drastic, and after you’re calmer and have healed, you may even regret it. For starters, just box up all of the stuff until you feel ready to face it. Eventually you’ll be able to look at the holiday snaps without feeling sick to your stomach but not right now. In a year’s time, if you do still feel like torching the stuff, then do it somewhere safe - like the beach!

5) Do use a journal or notebook to vent your pain, anger, frustration & so forth You should never underestimate the power of pouring the words out onto a page. This is even good for men. In fact, it’s generally exceptionally good for men, as a lot of men don’t have an outlet for their emotions and pain. During the healing process often we don’t feel like we are improving, and the notebook or diary will show you just how far you have come if you read it after a few weeks or months. It is incredibly cathartic and it just may stop you from saying things to your EX you may later regret. I highly recommend writing letters to your EX that you don’t actually send.

6) Do spoil yourself This is something that both men and women can and need to do. Do something so simple as to having a manicure, facial or a massage. Or, maybe purchase that nifty gadget you’ve had your eye on. Both men and women can also benefit from picking up some new items of clothing that make us feel sexy. We all want to feel attractive. Treat yourself as you would want that someone ’special’ to treat you. Have candle lit dinners - with all of your favorite foods - just for you. You’re worth it.

7) Do buy new bedding & change your surroundings It may sound silly but it’s very powerful step that you can take to cleanse the situation and start fresh. I have known some people to actually go out and buy whole new beds. If you can afford it, go for it. There is something to be said for sleeping in bedding with no history and no memories. The same can be said by changing the wallpaper or repainting an area - to make it more of your own. Surround yourself in your home with things that make you feel comfortable. Pictures of family and friends who really love you and support you are a very good start.

Don’t rebound Give yourself plenty of time to heal from this break-up. Many people begin dating before they are really recovered. It is almost as if they get bored of the pain and the healing process, so they suddenly grab the next random person who happens to show a little kindness and BAM! It’s a fantastic theory but it doesn’t always work that way. Try refrain from immediately trying to find someone to replace your EX and fill that void. Better to work through your pain fully before returning to the dating pool. While there is something to be said for rebound shags, they can sometimes do more harm than good. We’ve all heard “you can’t get over a man (or woman) until you get under another”. Don’t bet on it. Dating too soon often leads to comparisons to your EX, makes you feel lonelier than not dating did, and can actually set you back further, emotionally, than before you had started to date again. As much as we think this bright, sexy, intelligent person makes us feel so good, at the end of the day, they won’t really be able to fill this VOID in you. Only YOU can really make YOU happy. So the trick is to be happy within yourself before you start to date again.

9) Don’t listen to the negative self-talk Once we have been dumped, there is a tendency slip into negative “self talk” and to worry about so many things: if we will ever be loved again, have sex again, trust again or perhaps we worry we are too old, too fat, too dumb or too anything…to ever be happy and fulfilled again. That is highly unlikely, so relax! Dispel thoughts like that immediately and replace them with positive affirmations of your own self worth. Remember, just because your EX may no longer find you desirable or want to be in a relationship with you, doesn’t mean that no one else ever will. It just means your EX doesn’t. So what? You are still you. You are still whole, complete and perfect just as you are and it will do you good to keep reminding yourself of that.

10) Do take charge of your life - the world is your oyster Use your time to alone to focus on yourself and your own goals in life. You can take a course in cooking, pick up a new hobby or learn seroc dancing - whatever you want. Buy a house, a motorcycle, travel the world, retrain for a new career or go for that promotion. The world is your oyster! Get up off the sofa as soon as you can. While some regrouping time is necessary, at some point you should try to get in yourself back in shape and back in the land of the living. If you’ve lost a lot of weight (due to that lack of appetite!) then it’s time to put it back on - and vice versa. Start eating right and treating your body with the respect it deserves -it’s not the one who dumped you! Go running, walking, biking or to the gym to get the endorphins swimming through you. You’ll feel better if you do and you will project that to all you meet.

Finally, one of the most frequently asked questions is “How will I know when I am really over my ex?” I think a good gauge is if you no longer harbor feelings and desires of getting back together. Not only that, but you can actually think of your EX having sex with someone else and it doesn’t feel like your heart’s just been ripped out of your chest and was stomped on.

via [youvebeendumped]

Internet dating is rapidly becoming the choice of many folks who are looking to meet someone special.  With literally hundreds of sites out there, how do you know which one is the best?  Well, glad you asked…John Waltzer has agreed to provide us some insight on which dating site is going to be the best of you.  Happy surfing! 

It is always wise to get to know which online adult dating sites are trustworthy and which one mislead you. Remember you are on an important mission to find some one who is going to change your life, hence be careful, and do your home work carefully.

The Internet is full of competition in the online dating marketplace, there is plenty of room for sites to mislead you, exploit you, and even put you into financial crisis.
How sites mislead:

Create fake profiles of adult personals and make you believe that some one incredible wants to know you thus luring you into subscribing to their site.

This is highly unethical practice but to out bid competition some adult friend finder sites will do anything.

Some dating sites will trade your personal data including your email with others. Some sites write in fine print that they can sell or distribute data to whomsoever they wish. This condition you may not read while signing and then you start getting lots spam, junk mail and even viruses turning your online experience into a disaster. Good site will only send you alerts when a member wishes to contact you.

There sex dating sites with explicit porn contents of-girls, women, adults-you may not wish to be a member. If you wish to look for sex dating or sites focused on alternate sex dating like a gay dating personals or a lesbian dating personals only than you should join them as member.

Some dating sites will extract maximum analytical information from you on one pretext or the other. This they do by pulling a fast one while you are uploading your details or photos or communication with matching profiles. Flashy pop-ups and banner ads are a major nuisance and why should you have to bear them when you are a paid member.

Do you wish to be a member of a paying site whose core focus is to be a search engine and a platform for others to use it as a market place? It should be a people search focused on online dating not a market place.

Rip off! Some sites require payment from respondents who though may be eager to reply to you but wouldn’t because this and even fear of credit card abuse. You waste time and money.

Over hyped data- don’t be impressed with companies when over hyped data is advertise regarding the success of their portal success of their online. This could be pure trash as it is difficult to keep tab on successful interactions between the members.

It may not be easily possible to be deleted from some sites, only to find that it’s nearly impossible? What’s worse is that they have your credit card number! Ouch!

Keep these factors in mind while going for Internet dating so that you have a wonderful experience on the Internet.

About The Author

John W Waltzer

10. She’s Independent

If she is “The 1” then babysitting her is an exception and not the rule Once in a while, like if she’s had a rough day at work, it’s great to be her shoulder to cry on, but if she can’t seem to function without you and is constantly after you, she will eventually make you feel like you’re suffocating, which is a surefire way to get you running out the nearest exit. On the other hand, if she has her very own personality and opinions, can stand on her own two feet, both financially and emotionally, and is able to enjoy time away from you - while still missing you, of course - then she has fulfilled one of the 10 requirements for being “The 1″.

9. She’s Intelligent

I hate to be the one to tell you this, but the bimbo routine gets real old, real fast. Instead of being the one in total control, you’ll find yourself trying to figure out what she’s really thinking behind those glazed eyes of hers - or if she’s actually thinking at all. An intelligent woman will constantly surprise you and keep you on your toes. She won’t let you get bored of her. Besides, it’s nice to have something to talk about between all that toe-curling sex. If this describes her, then she has fulfilled another one of the 10 requirements for being “The 1″.

8. She’s Sexual

While we’re on the topic, “The 1” has to be sexually compatible with you. For instance, if you’re into whips and leather and she’s more the “Frederick’s of Hollywood Lingerie” type, that’s a problem. The two of you have to be on the same page - or, at least, she has to be willing to wear leather and use a whip from time to time. Of course, this doesn’t imply that she has to know all the right moves straight away; it simply means that both of you have an undeniable attraction toward each other, and are able to communicate your desires verbally (or with physical cues). It is important that you please each other in the bedroom, or in the shower - whatever the case may be.  If this describes her, then she has fulfilled another one of the 10 requirements for being “The 1″.

7. She’s Gorgeous To You

I know, this one is kind of obvious, but important nonetheless. “The 1” will not only want to look good for you, but also for herself. She should always look her best and be well put together - matching lingerie is a definite plus. You have to be proud to have her on your arm and enjoy the sight of her in any light. And this doesn’t mean that she has to look like a supermodel. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so if you think her extra long nose or lazy eye are beautiful, that’s perfectly acceptable. If she is gorgeous to you, then she has fulfilled yet another one of the 10 requirements for being “The 1”

6. She Respects You

This is a very important. Your woman must respect you. This means that she listens to you, even if she doesn’t necessarily agree with what you’re saying. And, of course, she never tries to demean or belittle you in any way, shape or form. “The 1” won’t ever cause scenes in public or in front of your friends and family, and will always wait to discuss matters with you in private. If she respects you, chances are that she will behave in a tactful and diplomatic manner in most situations, which is definitely a good thing. It goes without saying that if she has this quality, she has come one step closer to being “The 1”

5. She Allows You To Be “A Guy”

Do not - I repeat - do not get involved with a woman who tries to get you to eat cottage cheese and fruit for breakfast and insists that you give up poker night with the guys. You will end up resenting her more than you can imagine. “The 1” lets you be a guy in all your glory, poker night and all. If she’s “The 1”, she’ll even bring you and your buddies a couple of beers and make you something to eat. She has to understand that men and women are different and should allow you to be yourself. Just like you wouldn’t deprive her of going shopping with her best girlfriend, she shouldn’t expect you to give up the guys for her. A very important quality that must be possessed if she stands any chance of being “The 1”.

4. She’s Doesn’t Nag

There is nothing worse than a nag! “The 1” knows this and chooses her battles wisely. She knows when to speak up and when to let it slide. She is definitely not “The 1” if she gives you hell for leaving a couple of dishes in the sink occasionally. However, if you live together and you stay out all night without calling her, and she lets you have it, then you’re setting yourself up for disaster. This is a situation that nobody would let slide - not even “The 1”.  We are about to get into the final 3, but even though this is #4, if she has this quality, she is even closer to being “The 1”

3. She Gets Along With Your Friends and Family

”The One” will not only help your mom in the kitchen, listen to your dad’s stories and hang out with your friends, but she will enjoy it. She’ll make a real effort to get to know and love the most important people in your life. And she won’t try to get you to ditch your best buds. She’ll actually empathize with your brother’s getting dumped and suggest that you guys take him out to cheer him up. Not only that, but your friends won’t roll their eyes and moan when you mention that she’ll be joining you guys when she gets off work (yes, women like this do exist).

2. She Loves You

If you have found a woman who loves you for who you really are and not who you pretend or try to be sometimes, you should definitely hang on to her. A woman who doesn’t try to change you is hard to find. Of course, all women have their slightly annoying habits that their mate has to contend with, but if she really loves you, she will be able to cope with these. Another way to know if she really loves you is by observing the way she looks at you and treats you on an everyday basis. If the sight of you doesn’t seem to faze her either way, and she doesn’t really seem to care about what you have to say, she’s either playing very hard to get, or sees you as just some guy. But if a surprise visit or phone call from you makes her light up, there’s no denying that she loves you.  Obviously she must have this to stand any chance of being “The 1”

1. She makes you want to be a better man

Stop making that face… any man who feels he has found “The One” will tell you that she makes him want to be a better man. She doesn’t have to say or do anything; it just is that way. If you suddenly feel bad about how you treated your sister or find yourself trying to get your finances in order, you might want to think about your motivation for doing so. If lighting up her face is one of the most important things on your daily to-do list, and you don’t do anything that you think will make life less pleasant for her, chances are she makes you want to be a better man, thereby bringing her even closer to being “The 1”

Very rare is the woman who has all of these 10 qualities. If you find one who does, then she is definitely a keeper. If you find one who has most, don’t expect to change her, people never change except if they want to. If she has a few of the qualities above, then just keep it moving.

As usual, I was cruising the internet looking for something to read when I came across my latest target. A “women’s only” website posted the list below. Now, normally I’m all for debunking myths. For example I am glad to know that not all Mexicans work as gardeners. It also makes me happy to see that not all black people are in gangs and that all white people are not preppy annoying penis holes. Those myths are a pleasure to debunk. Now, the myths below perplex me. Why you might ask? Well, because I don’t think they’re myths at all. Being a female, I can say with a decent degree of certainty that numbers 1-7 are indeed true.

I know an assload of you women out there swear you are the perfect girlfriend and you’re probably cursing in the general direction of your monitor right about now. Well fuck you, you’re not perfect and neither is anyone else. Lets get on with it shall we?

The Seven Myths Men Believe about Women

Women are never satisfied
Women are high maintenance
Women want to control men
Women are jealous and possessive
Women are too emotional
Women who appear to be strong and competent don’t need to be taken care of
Women want to rob men of their freedom

Ok let’s take this slowly and one step at a time…

Women are never satisfied. Correct!

No, women are never satisfied. If you get a better job, she’ll want you to get a nicer car or a bigger apartment or a larger house. If you have the more desirable accommodations, she’ll then expect you to take her on better (read: more expensive) dates. Oh and don’t forget, the more you make the more expensive your fucking Christmas and Valentine’s Day gifts should be. God help you if you show up with some shitty valentine and a box of chocolates. Hell hath no fury like a woman jipped, trust me. Fuck being scorned; we’re scorned every week when we get a smaller paycheck for doing the same job as the dude in the next cube. Scorn we can deal with, cheap gifts we cannot.

Women are high maintenance. Bingo!

Of course we’re high maintenance. An individual who makes you call them before you go out, expecting a briefing on the activities for the night, is high maintenance. A person who expects yet another call the moment you cross the threshold of your dwelling to let them know you’ve gotten home, is high maintenance. A woman, who makes you plan every date you go on because you are the guy, is high maintenance. A lady that expects you to buy her flowers EVERY time some street vendor comes along to offer his wilted flora is high maintenance. A chick who makes you wait an hour before you can leave the house because she must first paint her face and do her hair and pick out seven different outfits, until she finds the one that makes her look desirable, but not slutty is high maintenance.

Women want to control men. ¡Sí!

If you hadn’t realized by now that a woman who buys you the clothes she wants you to wear, as opposed to the clothes that you want to wear, is attempting to control you, you’re hopeless and you should jump off a tall building. Splat bitch, you’re clueless.

Women are jealous and possessive. True!

What? You don’t think you’re jealous? You’re seriously going to sit there and tell me that, if you and your man were in a bar and some pretty, young thing were sending him drinks or winking at him, you wouldn’t get jealous? Fuck off, Mother Theresa, I don’t buy it. The next time his cell phone rings at 3:00 AM I don’t want to see you flinch or scramble to grab it before he does so you can get a peek at the incoming call. As a matter of fact strike the phrase “that’s my man” from your vocabulary while you’re at it, since you’re not possessive either.

Women are too emotional. You got it!

I don’t see a whole lot of men crying at the movies. I also don’t see a lot of men that break down into tears when a particularly sappy commercial comes on the television. I’ve led a pretty diverse and interesting life and I’ve had the privilege/carry the bane of, having seen a lot of things. I’ve seen a lot and I can report to you, dear reader that I’ve seen ten times as many women throwing hissy fits in the street directed at their significant others than I have seen men doing the same. I also don’t know of too many men that get together and rent movies that are meant to be emotional roller coasters so they can cry in unison. I do though, know a shit load of women that do.

Women who appear to be strong and competent don’t need to be taken care of. [yes I know of is preposition, fuck off] Right!

Well, well, well, you only “appear” to be strong and competent, but really you’re neither. So, in essence you’re deceiving in order to manipulate. Hmmmm, that sounds pretty fucking female to me, but I digress. Women who appear to be strong and competent don’t need to be taken care of. What they need is therapy so they can stop pretending to be something they’re not.

Women want to rob men of their freedom. Oui!

Freedom (n.) - A right or the power to engage in certain actions without control or interference.

-The preceding definition kind of infers independence then doesn’t it?

Independence (n.) - freedom from control or influence of another or others.

Now that we’ve gotten an idea of what freedom actually entails lets continue with our deconstruction of number six.

I’m assuming here that the bullshit website that posted this list of “myths” meant that these are seven “untruths” men believe about women they’re dating not just every woman under the sun. With this in mind, I’d like to delve a little deeper into the meaning and ultimately, the purpose of dating.

Dating (v. tr.) - An engagement to go out socially with another person, often out of romantic interest.

Ok so now that we know the definition of dating we can continue. When we date we go out with someone we like because we’re romantically interested in them and would like to spend more time getting to know this person intimately. So what exactly is the purpose of dating in the long run? Do people intend on dating forever? Not the people I know. Most of those that call themselves my friends tell me that they’re dating to weed out the freaks and find someone they wouldn’t mind sharing a life with. Now, this doesn’t necessarily mean that they want to be married. It just means that they’re dating in an effort to elect the most appropriate life partner. Now, what I hear when they tell me this is: “I’m dating around to find someone I can live with and who I won’t want to choke the life out while they lay sleeping next to me a month or two into the relationship.”

Ok well that’s all well and good, but when you’re in a relationship (married or not) then you have to begin thinking for two (NO boys, you’re not already halfway there, thinking for your trouser snake does not count). What I’m saying is that in a relationship you have to compromise. I’m sure you’ll all agree with me there. Here’s the kicker though: there is no mention of compromise in the definitions of freedom or independence. I’m guessing it’s because if you want to be free and independent then it would be counterproductive to begin compromising. So, if you want to be in a relationship with a woman than you better learn to fucking compromise now. If you’re looking for freedom and independence, go read the Declaration at the National Archives because you’re not going to find it in a woman who’s ass-deep in a “relationship.”

That’s right I said it, as women we’re all of the above. I’m not excluding myself because I already know I’m crazy and deranged, but guess who got me this way? Yup, a man, so don’t be so quick to high five each other you misogynistic fucks. You dudes are just as fucked as we are. Remember, in Penguin Territory, no one is safe.

Bitchesssssssssssssssss.