Rosecry » General

She Cute…but has Low Self-Esteem

Candy314 — Fri, 17 Oct 2008 13:49:48 +0000

He tells you that he loves you. He tells you that you are the most beautiful woman in the world. He wants to take you out to dinner but you start blabbing off about how messy of an eater you are. Why do we do it? Down ourselves that is. Lack the confidence that any man wants and every woman deserves to have.

I have a friend that whenever I ask him about the new girl he is dating he responds, “She’s just how I like them. Super cute, with low self-esteem.” I usually laugh and then continue on with our conversation. That is, until I meet the girl…which by the way, all of his girl friends –past include—have always been attractive, but they always seem to be sizing me up as competition or questioning how they look. Now don’t get me wrong, it is always nice to have a second opinion on a new outfit, but to constantly berate or question yourself is another.

Keeping Hope…er…Love Alive

Candy314 — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 21:32:52 +0000

It is so hard nowadays to keep up with work, school and life at home. Stealing moments to keep your love alive are precious and few. Here are some ideas:
Make sure you start your day right as well as end your day right with a kiss.
Date Night – make one night of the week a night where you leave the Blackberry, Treo, PDA, etc. at home and focus on each other.
Relax time – Give your mate a 15 minute back rub when he gets home and vice versa.
Break for Lunch – Instead of taking your lunch break with the people from your office. Meet your mate for a quick bite to eat.
Dinner Time – Eat dinner at the table instead of in front of the tv. This way you can catch up on your day as well as spend some quality face time.

Co-Worker Like or Cover-Up

Candy314 — Thu, 02 Oct 2008 20:22:40 +0000

This hunky new guy started a few months ago. Ok, I am a professional, so let me back up a little bit. This extremely nice young man started a few months ago. Who am I kidding? He was hot! Not only hot but extremely nice. He moved here from out of state and we were fortunate enough to have him grace the grounds of our company.
Now, let’s back up in time a little. A couple of years ago, a naïve young woman started working at our company. A very sweet and cute young lady, but she was very naïve to the politics of the real world. She was in a horrible relationship and finally got the nerve to cut the guy off. She shared her personal business with everyone, yes EVERYONE. To the point that she became the butt of many jokes.
Fast forward to present date. The hunky guy sees me in the cafeteria and starts talking about how hard it is to find a good girl. That he is having the time of his life finding someone who completes him – I kid you not, he used a line from Jerry Maguire – in this new city that he calls home. He told me that he had a live-in girlfriend for a while back home and that their break-up was bad, but it had been over a year. So I asked him what his type was and told him that I would be on the lookout.
Back it up a couple of months. I am in the cafeteria with the naïve young woman and the hunky guy walks in. She tried her best to flirt with him…but he didn’t seem to reciprocate. He visits our offices regularly and she tries the same thing over and over again and he seems to brush her off to the point of being mean.
Fast forward to present date. So I am in the cafeteria with the naïve young woman and hunky guy appears. I told him that I think I found someone for him. He kind of shied away from me. I said it again and then he started asking probing questions about the new found girl. I told him and he said that he would talk to me later. So I grab my lunch and start heading away when the naïve young woman pulls me to the side. She says that she has a confession that she and the hunky guy have been dating well over 4 months. That they pretend as though they are not so that no one in the company would find out. She then begs me not to find anyone for him and that I keep my mouth closed. So I do as I am told.
Fast forward to yesterday. I am in hunky guy’s department and he just returned from being out sick. I asked him how he was doing and if he needed anything. I told him that our office was going to send some food to him while he was out but no one had his number. He confessed that the naïve young woman did. I said that I did not know that. He then turned and said, “Well, I think she likes me… like a whole lot. But I’m not into her that way. She doesn’t fit my type. I just really like her as a friend.”
What would you do in this scenario? She obviously likes him…but he is saying otherwise. She says that she stays overnight at his house. But he makes her leave when his friends come over. She spends money on him. But he rarely pays for anything for her. I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. Should I tell her? Should I keep my mouth shut? What do you think? Let me know.

I’m Yours, You’re Mine…For Sure?

Candy314 — Thu, 02 Oct 2008 14:09:15 +0000

A friend of mine recently got married to her beau of many years. They dated but never lived together prior to getting married. She has been telling me how difficult it has been transitioning into living with someone. For instance, her main complaint is that he squeezes the toothpaste from the middle rather than the end. He also leaves his shavings in the sink…yuck! She claims that he is all around mess. My question is, “how could you not know this before you got married?” He’s yours now and there is no use trying to change a man’s ways.
She has been asking me what to do. I said to play his “dirty game”. But the more I think of it, this could backfire…especially since he is a dirty boy to begin with. Let me know what you think…or if you have been in this situation, what did you do?

What The F…

Bam Sun — Tue, 23 Oct 2007 19:07:26 +0000

This one will be short and sweet.
Ladies. I understand that we (men), are usually dogs and no good. I’ll give you that. But there are a few us with good intentions.
I’m not perfect. But I am decent. Sometimes.
“Bag Lady”, by Ericka Badu is such a deep song. Listen to it. Understand it.
I’m tired of being put in the “bell hop” position. I’m not here to help handle you baggage. And I realize now that my, “What the f…”, attitude toward women is truly justified. We have all loved and lost, or have been hurt or whatever. But that’s a part of life.
When I meet woman I don’t apply all the BS that I’ve dealt with in the past to her. It’s not right. So ladies when you meet a man, with some type of potential, start as fresh as you can.
Cause any real man will turn around and leave you and your baggage on the curb…….

Love or Hate at First Sight

Candy314 — Fri, 21 Sep 2007 18:17:02 +0000

Do you believe in love at first sight? Disbelievers may have to think again because new research shows it only takes half a second to decide if someone is attractive and if someone could be a potential mate. The research looks a physical attractiveness and how we perceive someone as attractive or how we perceive someone as being attracted to our mate. It was found that people fixate on someone’s face before sizing them up for mate possibility. The study used college students as their base. The students were shown pictures of very attractive or average-looking people for one second before being asked to look at something else. The researchers then measured the students’ reaction time. There discovery was that it takes just a second to determine if someone is attractive to you or not.

The students in committed relationships who viewed the pictures were interested in attractive members of the same sex. These students were marked as those who were jealous of and worried about guarding their mates

The study also showed the pitfalls of visual fixation, including negative effects on self-esteem when looking at an attractive person of the same sex. The negativity could be linked to illnesses such as bulimia. Another pitfall is that people may become less satisfied in their current relationships.

Making a Long Distance Love Last

Candy314 — Fri, 21 Sep 2007 17:34:25 +0000

Long distance relationships require a special willingness and understanding that can test love like no other type of relationship can. It requires constant communication and a desire to continually create your relationship, using the only real tool you have… your words. Make sure you communicate all of your feelings. Words can be lost in translation via text messages or e-mail. Make sure to take time and communicate as if you were face-to-face.

If phones — or long-distance minutes are not readily available – try a virtual date. Play a game … or a few … over the internet.

If you have a lot of phone minutes (or just start after 7 p.m. when minutes are free), rent a movie “together” and watch it at the same time and share your comments over the phone.

Make gifts for each other. Nothing extravagant…but something that will tell him/her that it is from the heart. One idea is little notes or sayings of “I Love You” in different languages.

When Does The Game End…

Bam Sun — Mon, 10 Sep 2007 21:29:45 +0000

At what point does the “Player” give up the game?

….Actually never. The reason I say this is because the game never ends. I always figured that by the age of 30 I would be settled down. Maybe have a couple little Bams running around the house. All that kind of mushy stuff.
When I was 20 I lived like I knew tomorrow wasn’t going to be an option for me. In other words I had a lot of fun. My subconscious understood that I was basically getting all the shit out of my system now, so that when the time came for me to act like I had some kinda’ sense I’d be ready.
But now I still feel like I’m not ready. A lot of it has to do with issues that I have within concerning relationships. But way too much of it has to do with the games that women play. And I don’t mean little girls who don’t know any better. But I mean grown ass women.
Why am I still dealing with issues that I was dealing with ten years ago? Some women are gone in the head. And the scary part about it is that the great majority of them have no clue. Now this same gone in the head female is a mother. Damn. I’m glad it’s not mine.
I’m scared of the thought of having a baby’s mama. No Good.
So I’ve taken another route to dating…..Being honest.
Don’t ask what you don’t want the real answer to.
Many pros and cons to being honest. But the hardest part is hoping that the young lady on the other end is on the same page. Most of the time they are not.
I wish that more people in the world thought like me. Who doesn’t. But that’s not the case. So before I go out on the weekend (which is rare), I have to get myself all pumped up to play. It reminds me of when I played football. I had to go thru a ritual to get myself ready to go into battle. It’s just now the battle is on a whole other playing field.
It’s all a game. Of course there are different objectives and rules. But it’s still a game.
I have buddies that are in their 30s and it’s still a big game for them. Some of them already have women, married or not. But they still feel the need to play. I think it makes us feel good to know that we can still be dominant MEN. And on the other hand ladies still feel the need to test if they still got it. These test come in the form of games.
If I see you in a club and we make eye contact, the game begins. I don’t want to play. But if I wanna get what I want. I have to. It’s not an option.
But I’m tired of it. I should be able to say hey, “I just wanna fool around. If something more happens, then we’ll see what’s up.” And she should be able to be down with it or kick me to the curb.
But because women deal with so many weak ass men who can’t handle the truth, then they don’t learn how to speak it when necessary. That’s another story.
I just wish I could find a real woman, without any issues (yeah right). Until then I’ll keep playing the game. But when I play. I play to win…..

CO WORKER CRUSH

Bam Sun — Fri, 27 Jul 2007 15:33:14 +0000

You ever had a crush on someone that you work with? Of course you have. Who hasn’t? But how do you deal with this? As a man, I understand that the ego is a huge issue when dealing with anything pertaining to the opposite sex.
Just recently I had a crush on a beautiful co worker. She works in another department. And my female buddy in that department did a little probing for me. Come to find out she was single, really sweet, and she was asking about me as well. We would give each other the eye as we passed each other. It seemed like we were both searching for reasons to be in the copy room at the same time. All the little signs that someone is waiting for you to make that first move. So after 3 days of playing, I made that move. We could never find the time or space to be alone long enough to talk. So I emailed her.
I basically told her that I know that she knows nothing about me, and I don’t know her. But I figured that it was worth a shot to ask her out. So I did.
Now granted I understand all the issues that come into play when dealing with someone you work with. But I work in the film industry. A lot of times we work jobs for months, weeks, or even days at a time. So it’s a lot of work hard play hard cause you don’t get the chance to spend much time with the people you like. Many of them are not locals. This was the same situation.
Well….She shot me down. It was really nice how she did it. But I was shocked. Honestly. Still am, a little. In her email response she speaks about not being ready to get into a relationship and all this other crap. I just asked her out. Didn’t mention a thing about sex or a relationship. Just hanging out. I was like what the hell was that all about.
Then one of my other female co-workers told me that I was moving too fast. And I came off kinda creepy. I’m supposed to “play the game.” She told me.
W.T.F.? I’m 30 years old. I don’t play games.
I responded to her email just saying that it’s good and I respect the fact that she was honest. But I still think she’s attractive. And I won’t start acting awkward or anything. It’s good.
But now all of a sudden she can’t look me in the eye. She acts freaked out when I come around. All kinds of weird stuff. But I’m the creepy one.
Oh well. I guess that’s why I like older women. For the most part they don’t play games. But she’s my age so I thought things would be different. Wrong!!!!
I’ve not followed though on other opportunities to date other women that I’ve worked with. And they were upset with me. Hell, I’m confused.
But you win some and you loose some.
What can you do?
Ladies tell me something…………….

Black Men & White Women

Bam Sun — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 14:36:56 +0000

Black Men & White Women

Wow. Where do I begin? I am a black man. And yes I am attracted to white women. But I’m attracted to all kinds of women. All shapes, sizes, skin tones, etc. I have dated outside of my race on numerous occasions. But what I have discovered is that I personally can’t see myself being married to a white woman. Yes love is blind, blah, blah, blah. But with my mentality I feel like I would have to be with a person that lives in my world and understands the everyday struggles I deal with.

My ex was a white girl. And we had quite a few discussions about her not being able to do things when we were together that she can do when she was alone or with her white friends. But that’s a blog all on his own. What I’m trying to say is that we (whites and blacks) can be in the same city yet different worlds.

I sometimes wonder if brothers who do settle down with white women are somehow compromising themselves. What I mean by that is that black people in America are the most stripped race of people on the planet. We have had our history stripped. The great majority of us have no sense of history. We’ve been trained to hate each other, whether we realize it or not, etc, .etc. So on top of that to be with someone who has never had to learn anything about black culture doesn’t seem like it would make black culture better.

Now I’m not saying that it’s the duty of every married black man to put black culture on his back. Or is it?

I have so many thoughts on the subject I could write for days. But I want to know how you all feel about interracial relationships, especially those between black men and women outside of the black race.

Please respond…..