This one will be short and sweet.
Ladies. I understand that we (men), are usually dogs and no good. I’ll give you that. But there are a few us with good intentions.
I’m not perfect. But I am decent. Sometimes.
“Bag Lady”, by Ericka Badu is such a deep song. Listen to it. Understand it.
I’m tired of being put in the “bell hop” position. I’m not here to help handle you baggage. And I realize now that my, “What the f…”, attitude toward women is truly justified. We have all loved and lost, or have been hurt or whatever. But that’s a part of life.
When I meet woman I don’t apply all the BS that I’ve dealt with in the past to her. It’s not right. So ladies when you meet a man, with some type of potential, start as fresh as you can.
Cause any real man will turn around and leave you and your baggage on the curb…….

Do you believe in love at first sight? Disbelievers may have to think again because new research shows it only takes half a second to decide if someone is attractive and if someone could be a potential mate. The research looks a physical attractiveness and how we perceive someone as attractive or how we perceive someone as being attracted to our mate. It was found that people fixate on someone’s face before sizing them up for mate possibility. The study used college students as their base. The students were shown pictures of very attractive or average-looking people for one second before being asked to look at something else. The researchers then measured the students’ reaction time. There discovery was that it takes just a second to determine if someone is attractive to you or not.

The students in committed relationships who viewed the pictures were interested in attractive members of the same sex. These students were marked as those who were jealous of and worried about guarding their mates

The study also showed the pitfalls of visual fixation, including negative effects on self-esteem when looking at an attractive person of the same sex. The negativity could be linked to illnesses such as bulimia. Another pitfall is that people may become less satisfied in their current relationships.

Long distance relationships require a special willingness and understanding that can test love like no other type of relationship can. It requires constant communication and a desire to continually create your relationship, using the only real tool you have… your words. Make sure you communicate all of your feelings. Words can be lost in translation via text messages or e-mail. Make sure to take time and communicate as if you were face-to-face.

If phones — or long-distance minutes are not readily available – try a virtual date. Play a game … or a few … over the internet.

If you have a lot of phone minutes (or just start after 7 p.m. when minutes are free), rent a movie “together” and watch it at the same time and share your comments over the phone.

Make gifts for each other. Nothing extravagant…but something that will tell him/her that it is from the heart. One idea is little notes or sayings of “I Love You” in different languages.

At what point does the “Player” give up the game?

….Actually never. The reason I say this is because the game never ends. I always figured that by the age of 30 I would be settled down. Maybe have a couple little Bams running around the house. All that kind of mushy stuff.
When I was 20 I lived like I knew tomorrow wasn’t going to be an option for me. In other words I had a lot of fun. My subconscious understood that I was basically getting all the shit out of my system now, so that when the time came for me to act like I had some kinda’ sense I’d be ready.
But now I still feel like I’m not ready. A lot of it has to do with issues that I have within concerning relationships. But way too much of it has to do with the games that women play. And I don’t mean little girls who don’t know any better. But I mean grown ass women.
Why am I still dealing with issues that I was dealing with ten years ago? Some women are gone in the head. And the scary part about it is that the great majority of them have no clue. Now this same gone in the head female is a mother. Damn. I’m glad it’s not mine.
I’m scared of the thought of having a baby’s mama. No Good.
So I’ve taken another route to dating…..Being honest.
Don’t ask what you don’t want the real answer to.
Many pros and cons to being honest. But the hardest part is hoping that the young lady on the other end is on the same page. Most of the time they are not.
I wish that more people in the world thought like me. Who doesn’t. But that’s not the case. So before I go out on the weekend (which is rare), I have to get myself all pumped up to play. It reminds me of when I played football. I had to go thru a ritual to get myself ready to go into battle. It’s just now the battle is on a whole other playing field.
It’s all a game. Of course there are different objectives and rules. But it’s still a game.
I have buddies that are in their 30s and it’s still a big game for them. Some of them already have women, married or not. But they still feel the need to play. I think it makes us feel good to know that we can still be dominant MEN. And on the other hand ladies still feel the need to test if they still got it. These test come in the form of games.
If I see you in a club and we make eye contact, the game begins. I don’t want to play. But if I wanna get what I want. I have to. It’s not an option.
But I’m tired of it. I should be able to say hey, “I just wanna fool around. If something more happens, then we’ll see what’s up.” And she should be able to be down with it or kick me to the curb.
But because women deal with so many weak ass men who can’t handle the truth, then they don’t learn how to speak it when necessary. That’s another story.
I just wish I could find a real woman, without any issues (yeah right). Until then I’ll keep playing the game. But when I play. I play to win…..

You ever had a crush on someone that you work with? Of course you have. Who hasn’t? But how do you deal with this? As a man, I understand that the ego is a huge issue when dealing with anything pertaining to the opposite sex.
Just recently I had a crush on a beautiful co worker. She works in another department. And my female buddy in that department did a little probing for me. Come to find out she was single, really sweet, and she was asking about me as well. We would give each other the eye as we passed each other. It seemed like we were both searching for reasons to be in the copy room at the same time. All the little signs that someone is waiting for you to make that first move. So after 3 days of playing, I made that move. We could never find the time or space to be alone long enough to talk. So I emailed her.
I basically told her that I know that she knows nothing about me, and I don’t know her. But I figured that it was worth a shot to ask her out. So I did.
Now granted I understand all the issues that come into play when dealing with someone you work with. But I work in the film industry. A lot of times we work jobs for months, weeks, or even days at a time. So it’s a lot of work hard play hard cause you don’t get the chance to spend much time with the people you like. Many of them are not locals. This was the same situation.
Well….She shot me down. It was really nice how she did it. But I was shocked. Honestly. Still am, a little. In her email response she speaks about not being ready to get into a relationship and all this other crap. I just asked her out. Didn’t mention a thing about sex or a relationship. Just hanging out. I was like what the hell was that all about.
Then one of my other female co-workers told me that I was moving too fast. And I came off kinda creepy. I’m supposed to “play the game.” She told me.
W.T.F.? I’m 30 years old. I don’t play games.
I responded to her email just saying that it’s good and I respect the fact that she was honest. But I still think she’s attractive. And I won’t start acting awkward or anything. It’s good.
But now all of a sudden she can’t look me in the eye. She acts freaked out when I come around. All kinds of weird stuff. But I’m the creepy one.
Oh well. I guess that’s why I like older women. For the most part they don’t play games. But she’s my age so I thought things would be different. Wrong!!!!
I’ve not followed though on other opportunities to date other women that I’ve worked with. And they were upset with me. Hell, I’m confused.
But you win some and you loose some.
What can you do?
Ladies tell me something…………….

Black Men & White Women

Wow. Where do I begin? I am a black man. And yes I am attracted to white women. But I’m attracted to all kinds of women. All shapes, sizes, skin tones, etc. I have dated outside of my race on numerous occasions. But what I have discovered is that I personally can’t see myself being married to a white woman. Yes love is blind, blah, blah, blah. But with my mentality I feel like I would have to be with a person that lives in my world and understands the everyday struggles I deal with.

My ex was a white girl. And we had quite a few discussions about her not being able to do things when we were together that she can do when she was alone or with her white friends. But that’s a blog all on his own. What I’m trying to say is that we (whites and blacks) can be in the same city yet different worlds.

I sometimes wonder if brothers who do settle down with white women are somehow compromising themselves. What I mean by that is that black people in America are the most stripped race of people on the planet. We have had our history stripped. The great majority of us have no sense of history. We’ve been trained to hate each other, whether we realize it or not, etc, .etc. So on top of that to be with someone who has never had to learn anything about black culture doesn’t seem like it would make black culture better.

Now I’m not saying that it’s the duty of every married black man to put black culture on his back. Or is it?

I have so many thoughts on the subject I could write for days. But I want to know how you all feel about interracial relationships, especially those between black men and women outside of the black race.

Please respond…..

How can you charm a woman? Do they like a daily check-in phone call? Does she secretly wish you’d text her in the middle of the day for no reason but to make her smile? Do they prefer expensive dinners to home-cooked meals? Rock-hard abs? Flowers for no reason?
Identifying women’s turn-ons is complicated, because they all react differently. Some women you wish came with owner’s manuals so you knew exactly how they were wired. Luckily, I’ve done most of the legwork for you and am happy to pass this knowledge on to you.
Top 10 ways to charm a woman

1. Be aware. This means cracking open more than the sports section on the daily paper. Be up on current events and learn the difference between feelings, emotions and thoughts. Women are emotional beings and tend to think things through.
“They are attracted to men who are as smart or smarter”
They are attracted to men who are as smart or smarter than them, and your knowledge of worldly matters will demonstrate your intelligence.
2. Demonstrate humor. Women love a man who can make them laugh. Now don’t fret here if you’re not a stand-up comedian. We all have a certain type of humor. You can be dry, sarcastic, hilariously funny, quick-witted or dark. Being able to poke fun at yourself and just plain old being goofy is a turn-on for women. Keep in mind that all women are not attracted to the same type of humor, so if you don’t vibe, just walk away and try someone else.
3. Have passion. A guy who lives his life with gusto is incredibly appealing. When you speak to a woman about your life, your travels, your job, your interests, speak with passion. That passion about who you are will turn her on instantly. She will start to imagine what it will be like when you are involved with her and how passionate you will speak about her.
4. Be considerate. Pay attention to the little things and look for opportunities to make small gestures that show you care. A simple “How was your day?” and being able to listen to her when she wants to discuss something are huge. So many men forget about simple things like holding the door, paying for her valet or just thanking her for a great time last night. Women are all about a guy with manners — she is not attracted to the dope who acts like a caveman.
5. Be honest.
“Share who you are by telling her something personal”
Share who you are by telling her something personal. Maybe share one of your favorite childhood memories or some personal growth that you have been going through. Something that will show her that you are a trusting and honest person. It also shows that you are a confident but vulnerable man. Women love to see the vulnerable side of you. Note: Don’t talk about an ex in a bad way here. If you have to talk about an ex, do so in a positive manner and share what you learned and how you grew from the relationship.
6. Be flexibile. Be open to her plans but surprise her with your flexibility. Take charge and surprise her with a fun night out. Instead of being the typical guy who makes a reservation, think about how you can be the guy who listens to her and plans a great date that she did not expect. If you can pull this off, she will be open to all sorts of advances from you.
7. Be positive. If you are positive about life, it shows in your actions. I always tell men to be extra nice to waiters, bartenders and other service people. Be a courteous driver when she’s in the car. When you are in line at the movies, don’t complain. Look for the humor and try to have fun with people all around you. Be positive about everything, and she will find you to be very sexy and alluring. No one wants to be with a negative hothead.
8. Be balanced. Women love a successful, ambitious man. They love that you work hard, but if you constantly put work ahead of her she will become turned off. She will start to imagine what life with you will be like with her needs being ignored. If you are out meeting women to date, you need to balance your life between work and play. This will be a major turn-on for her.
9. Have ambition. Men who are ambitious about what they do are a turn-on to women. It doesn’t matter if you choose to be a rich stock trader or a painter, as long as you are passionate about who you are and what you do. If you don’t love what you do, find something that really turns you on. You can’t attract the woman you want with a negative ambition. Women love a man who is the best at what he does.
10. Be attentive. You are out with her for the very first time, and she tells you she loves a certain type of music. On the next date take her to a lounge that plays that type of music. It is all about paying attention to the details and working on your listening skills.

This list of 10 things will work in most cases. Keep in mind there is always the woman who you just can’t seem to please. If you happen to cross paths with this type of woman, ask yourself, “Why would I want to be with a woman who is so difficult?”
I tend to avoid the difficult, judgmental women. Knowing women’s turn-ons and putting them into practice will help you identify women who may be relationship material. You need to realize that you want to attract and turn on the women that are attracted to you on an equal level!

via [AttractandApproach.com]

Two weeks ago my aunt came to Chicago for a medical convention. She’s a nurse for the County of St. Louis specializing in HIV & STD treatment and prevention. We had dinner and as usual she had a few stories to tell. Blew my mind.

She told me the story of a 6-month-old baby who came in suffering from a major ear infection that they could not cure. Finally she asked the parents had they been tested for HIV or AIDS. The mother said no. And the father said yes, “About 20 years ago. But I was fine.” Longer story shorter he was not fine. He has been on file as HIV positive since 1986. He’s been positive for all these years and never told his girlfriends or even his wife. Twenty years.

How could someone be so cruel and careless? My aunt and I talked for a while and it finally hit me. This man at some point decided that his status would change if he chose to ignore the facts. He’s been lying to himself for all these years. Of course he has lied to countless others since, but it started with him convincing himself.

On my way home after dinner this particular story kept running through my mind. It took a while for everything to register but once it clicked it made sense to me that a great majority of us are like this. Not saying that you or I would lie about having a potentially deadly and contagious disease. But we all convince ourselves sometimes that things are different than what they really are.

The young lady at the club wearing an outfit two sizes too small… Before she left the house she had to convince herself that she looked cute. Or the punk, who’s not tough but thinks he’s a thug… He’s got to lie to himself to keep that façade convincing to those who don’t know any better.

I started thinking a lot about my own situations. One of my ex-girlfriends was cheating on me. I was in denial about it for a long time. But I caught her on the phone with another guy. Of course she lied and told me she wasn’t. Then another time I caught her male “friend” creeping over to her apartment at 11 something at night, after she was too tired to have me stay. We still talk to this day. And if I bring up either of these two situations, or any of the others, she has completely put them out of her mind. She knows that I know the truth. But she can’t accept the fact that she did something wrong in our relationship. It’s like instantly she cleansed herself of the matter by ignoring it. It never happened, in her mind.

And I’m sure that there are things deep inside my mind that I have buried. It’s easier to be something that you are not. It’s easier to be delusional. But “karma” is a mutha’. And at some point we all have to deal with the truth behind the lies that we so often live…..

Getting married is a beautiful event. A momentous occasion in one’s life. But being a serial wedding guest can wreck havoc on your wallet.

It seems that ever since graduating from college, everyone and their sister, cousin, niece…you get the point…is getting married. The year after I graduated, I attended 6 weddings. They were all of close friends…and I was even the maid of honor in one of them! But after a short review … and a couple of calls to some girlfriends, I am starting to see how this is not only breaking into our time, but also into our wallets. Now don’t get me wrong, I am nowhere near jealous, nor am I upset that I haven’t walked down that aisle yet, but I am starting to worry about my salary and being able to AFFORD even attending a wedding…

Let’s see about how much I spent on these 6 weddings. The one in which I was the maid of honor, I spent at least $500 - which included the dress, shoes, make-up and hair. Now that I think of it, I left off the parties and the presents. For the other 5, I spent at least $300. That’s accounting for presents, outfits, flights, hotel accommodations, bachelorette parties, etc.

I did a little research on the web and found that the typical wedding guest spend between $60 and $90 on a wedding gift. This price can vary depending on the length of time one has known the bride and groom.

So far, we’ve touched to surface on expense…but gifts aren’t the only thing.

For women, we usually like to look nice. You know why…don’t act like you don’t…this is the first time in a long time that we have seen ex-boyfriends, old friends, old roommates, and the list goes on. So it is extremely important to look your best.

My BFF’s estimate on her cost is as follows: “By the time I count outfit, hair, present, hotel, transportation and spending money, I would easily spend $300 and that’s a modest estimate. But I definitely don’t resent spending it. I love going to and being in weddings. It’s a really special day for my friend.”

Spoken like a true friend.

Can You and Your Ex be or become good friends after the two of you break up?

I know there has been a lot written about staying in touch with your ex after a break up. Some of it’s positive and some negative. But is it really a bad thing to remain cool with someone that has broken your heart and spirit?

I say yes. My main ex and I have been broken up for over four years. And it was messy. It took me a while to recover, but I eventually did. She’s relocated oversees to do her fashion thing, but we still remain cool.

I think it’s good. We met one night some years ago and basically became a couple from that moment. It was cool being young and in love. I had never experienced anything like it. It was great. But the negative aspect was that we didn’t know each other at all. We didn’t have a chance to become friends first, so all the baggage we had from previous relationships came with us. It took a while for our issues to come to surface. But they did.

But now we are pretty close. That took some time.

I believe that you can learn a lot about the ex’s once you are no longer together. Becoming friends can be the link to all that information that they kept from you during your relationship.

But the main negative is that we still have that physical attraction to each other. No matter who we may be dating or whatever we still have that energy between us. And we have both acted on that energy on many occasions, right or wrong.

The point of all of this is to say that I do believe that you can be friends with the ex. But you have to put limitations on the new “relationship”. These are things that need to be discussed up front. Yes easier said then done. But it can be done. Just please be realistic about the potential effect on the new relationship if you keep an ex around, period.

What do you all think……..