People need to love and be loved. Yet many people have trouble doing so. This is by no means an exhaustive list…but it is a start.

1. Choose a partner wisely and well.
We are attracted to people for all sorts of reasons. One could be that they remind us of someone from our past. Another that they spend money on us — buying gifts and making us feel important. Evaluate a potential partner as you would a friend; look at their character, personality, morals, their generosity of spirit, the relationship between their words and actions, their relationships with others (family is important).

2. Know your partner’s beliefs about relationships.
Different people have different outlooks on relationships. And please believe that this can sometimes be conflicting. You don’t want to fall in love with someone who expects lots of dishonesty in relationships; they’ll create it where it doesn’t exist.

3. Don’t confuse sex with love.
Men are especially good at differentiating this. Especially in the beginning of a relationship, attraction and pleasure in sex –aka lust– are often mistaken for love.

4. Know your needs and make sure they are heard.
A relationship is not a guessing game. Men and women fear stating their needs and as a result, their partners are left clueless. The latter result is disappointment and possible anger at a partner for not having met their “unstated” needs. In order to become close as a couple, you must be honest with one another…please remember that your partner is not a mind reader.

5. View yourselves as a team.
A team brings people together with a goal. They may have a different perspective or strengths, but they continue pressing forward to teach and learn together.

6. Know how to respect and manage differences.
This is the true key to a successful relationship. Disagreements don’t end relationships however, name-calling does. Learn how to handle the negative feelings that may arise from the differences. Stonewalling or avoiding conflicts is NOT managing them.

7. Communicate.
If you don’t understand or like something your partner is doing, ask about it and why he or she is doing it. Talk it out, don’t assume.

8. Solve problems as they occur.
Don’t let anger simmer. Most of what goes wrong in relationships can be traced to hurt feelings. This can lead to walls being built and eventually breaking the relationship…or creating enemies.

9. Learn to negotiate.
Modern relationships no longer rely on roles. Couples should create their own roles. Every decision should be though through and negotiated by both parties. Because people’s needs are fluid and change
over time, and life’s demands change too, good relationships are negotiated and renegotiated all the time.

10. Listen — truly listen– to your partner’s concerns and complaints without judgment.
Much of the time, just having someone listen is all we need. It opens the door to confiding, confiding to trust and trust to a better outlook. Empathy is crucial especially in understand things from your partner’s perspective.

11. Work hard to maintain closeness.
Closeness doesn’t happen by itself. In absence, people drift apart and are susceptible to affairs. A good relationship isn’t an end goal; it is a lifelong process maintained via regular attention.

12. Take a long-range view on life together.
A marriage is an agreement to spend a future together. Check out your dreams with each other regularly to make sure you’re both on the same track. Update your dreams regularly!

13. Never underestimate the power of good grooming.
Enough said.

14. Sex is good. Pillow talk is better.
Sex is easy, intimacy is difficult. Intimacy requires honesty, openness, self-disclosure, fears, sadnesses as well as hopes and dreams.

15. Never go to sleep angry.
Trust me, you don’t want the spat to continue in the morning. Try steps 8 and 10 again.

16. Apologize.
Anyone can make a mistake but repairing that mistake is crucial. Apologies can be clumsy, funny, even sarcastic—but willingness to make up after an argument is central to every happy relationship.

17. Some dependency is good, but complete dependency is bad.
We’re all dependent to a degree — on friends, close family members, partners — and men have just as many dependency needs as women.

18. Maintain self-respect and self-esteem.
It’s easier for someone to like you and to be around you when you like yourself. Research has shown that the more roles people fill, the more sources of self-esteem they have. Get out and volunteer or join a committee at work. Make sure to be SURE of yourself.

19. Enrich your relationship by bringing into it new interests from outside the relationship.
The more passions in life that you have and share, the richer your relationship will be. It is unrealistic to expect one person to meet all of your needs in life.

20. Cooperate.
Share responsibilities. Relationships work ONLY when they are two-way streets. You must give as well as take.

21. Be spontaneous.

22. Keep up with your health.
Exercise…this ties in with number 18 as well. When you look better, you feel better.

23. Recognize that all relationships have their ups and downs.
You cannot be on “cloud 9″ all the time. No relationship is perfect. Working together through the hard times will make the relationship even stronger.

24. Make good sense of a bad relationship.
Examine it as a reflection of your beliefs about you. Don’t just run away from a bad relationship. You’ll either run straight into another bad one or turn your anger onto your next partner. Use it as a mirror to look at yourself. Understand what part of you is creating this relationship. Change yourself before you change your relationship.

25. Understand that love is not an absolute.
Love is not a limited commodity that you’re in of or out of. You must learn how to treat one another. If you learn new ways to interact, the feelings can come flowing back, often stronger than before.

Greedy girls pay attention: If you want a longer, deeper, more intense orgasm, you’ve (ahem) come to the right place. Considering the average female orgasm lasts between 15 and 30 seconds, it’s not surprising that many women feel a little, well, cheated when it comes to coming.

Now imagine an orgasm that lasts a full 30 minutes, with the odd random contraction happening up to a day afterward. This was the astonishing promise of two U.S. sexologists who pioneered what’s called the Extended Sexual Orgasm technique in the 80s. It was a pretty big claim — and it got a pretty big response at the time. But just like the G-spot, when people couldn’t figure out the whole orgasmic program in five minutes flat, it quickly and quietly disappeared into the “too complicated” basket… until now.

Sex therapists have recently resurrected Extended Sexual Orgasm (ESO) — and are seeing some spectacular results. What’s changed? The fact is, we’re far more sex-savvy now than ever before. So let’s get started.
Step One: On Your Own

* Think positively about sex. Most of us, according to the sexologists, resist pleasure rather than welcome pleasure– so you need to do some ‘cognitive restructuring’. In simple terms, this means thinking, “This is great — let’s go with it,” rather than “Oh God, my Mother would freak if she saw me now.”
* Do Kegel pelvic floor exercises. For the uninitiated — and where have you been? — these involve squeezing, holding, then releasing the same muscle you use to stop the flow of urine. The idea is to strengthen your pubococcygeus muscles, and standard sets involve clenching and releasing 25 to 30 times, three times a day.
* Pay attention when you masturbate. If you already know which strokes, speed, pressure and rhythms suit you, well done! Practice makes perfect for the rest of you.

Stage Two: With Your Partner

* You lie down while he sits or kneels cross-legged beside or in between your legs and applies some personal lubricant to the whole of your vagina and perineum (the part of your body between your vagina and anus). Next he should lightly brush and stroke your genitals but he’s not allowed to stimulate the clitoris and inside the vagina. He does this for at least five minutes.
* The stimulation now moves to the clitoris. He should slowly and steadily circle the clitoris with a finger, travelling around it once per second. At the same time, you tell him exactly what pressure and rhythm feels good.
* As he continues to stimulate your clitoris, you start doing your pelvic floor squeezes as you breathe deeply from your stomach. Prepare for your orgasm, because now it gets a bit complicated bit for him.
* As you feel you’re about to climax, he should watch and feel for regular two-second contractions in your genital area; this means you’re about to orgasm. Once these contractions start, he needs to stop stimulating the clitoris and immediately move to stroking the inner vaginal walls. Using his fingers, he can either push them in and out, or sweep them in circles in and out of the entrance. If he concentrates on the front vaginal wall (the bit underneath your tummy), stroking with his fore and middle finger is another option. Most crucial of all, whichever technique he chooses, the rhythm should be slow and steady.
* After you’ve had your orgasm, he’ll feel the vagina start to pull away - the point when most couples stop. But not this time! In ESO, your first orgasm is only the beginning, remember? Instead, he continues using his fingers inside the vagina, using a light touch initially, then upping the frequency and pressure once you feel ready for more. This should set off another series of contractions.
* The minute he feels a pause in the pulsating, he should move quickly back to stroking the clitoris as before. If he continues to steadily circle the clitoris, this should trigger even more contractions - at which point he moves back to stimulating inside the vagina again. He then continues switching back and forth from vaginal to clitoral stimulation until your contractions occur every one to five seconds.
* After doing this for 15 minutes, the contractions start to become continuous. When the vagina pushes out in a continual wave-like motion, you’re in the final phase. He now gets into a position where he can use both hands — and keep his balance — to stimulate the clitoris and the vagina simultaneously. The result: wave after wave of orgasms. …And to think you were going to give up!

Other Ways to Keep It Coming

* Find your “hot days.” It’s worth noting which days of the month you feel most aroused. Keep a chart. If Day One is the first day of your period, simply mark the days you feel sexy after that with a cross (record those days you can’t help but notice). After a few months, you may see a pattern emerging — or not; some of us don’t have one. If you do, it makes sense to try for extended orgasms during those periods.
* Drink less. Alcohol numbs and represses your bodily functions, lowering your chances of achieving extended sexual orgasms.
* Use lubricant. It allows you to be stimulated for longer without experiencing soreness.
* Move those hips. The more you move your pelvis, the longer and more intense the sexual charge. (Try belly dancing for ultimate flexibility!)
* Focus on the sensation. Men seem better at staying focused on orgasm, while women tend to “wander off” mentally. Search with your mind for the last, tiniest contraction to fully appreciate the experience.
* Switch stimulation. If you’ve just had a clitoral orgasm, switch to penetration or vaginal stimulation to continue the sensations or try for number two. If you’ve just climaxed through intercourse, switch to him giving you oral sex. Often, the first orgasm is sharper and quicker, the second could be longer.

via [iVillage]

Thousands of couples walked down the aisle on Saturday, 7-7-07, hoping all those 7s — the number long associated with luck — will keep them lucky in love. It’s one of the most popular wedding dates in modern history, according to overwhelmed wedding planners, florists, and photographers.

Relationship experts caution, however, that much more than luck is needed to stay together and beat the odds of a divorce, now estimated to end half of today’s marriages. Here, relationship experts consulted by WebMD offer their best marriage tips for how to stay lucky in love. And they go way beyond the usual tips to buy her flowers, cook his favorite meal, and remember to schedule date night.

Marriage Tip No. 1: Purge the “D’” word.

With the taste of wedding cake barely off their lips, divorce is the last thought — or word — on newlyweds’ minds. But as the honeymoon period wanes, and day-to-day difficulties crop up, the word can come up frequently during arguments for some couples, say relationship counselors.

“Just don’t go there,” suggests Steve Brody, Ph.D., a psychologist in Cambria, Calif., who counsels couples. “Some people pull that out much too early, and much too often in a relationship. It raises a whole level of anxiety [in the person hearing it].”

Divorce is also considered a dirty word by the more than 200 “marriage masters” interviewed for the book, “Project Everlasting.” Co-authors Mat Boggs and Jason Miller, bachelors and childhood buddies from Portland, Ore., traveled the country to interview the couples, married 40 or more years, and ask for their best marriage tips.

“Don’t use the D word” was one oft-repeated suggestion for keeping a happy marriage, Boggs says. These marriage masters told him, “You need all your energy to find the solution to a problem and work it out. If you are even giving any consideration to a divorce, you lessen your ability to solve the problem.”

Of course, Boggs says, the marriage masters acknowledged that some situations are deal breakers, such as addiction, adultery, or abuse. But when the problem is less severe, many of the marriage masters told him they create a “ledger of life.” They get out a piece of paper and write down everything they love about their spouse. Eventually, they shift gears and begin to focus on what is right, not what’s wrong.

Marriage Tip No. 2: Replace the seven deadly habits in a marriage with the seven caring habits.

Learning the seven bad habits and the seven good ones is the easy part, admit William Glasser, M.D., a Los Angeles psychiatrist, and his wife, Carleen

Glasser, M.A., who co-authored “Eight Lessons for a Happier Marriage,” include this idea in their book and counseling sessions. Putting them into practice takes effort, of course.

The seven deadly habits are criticizing, blaming, complaining, nagging, threatening, punishing, and bribing.

The seven caring habits include supporting, encouraging, listening, accepting, trusting, respecting, and negotiating your differences.

Marriage Tip No. 3: Take care of yourself.

This marriage tip is short and sweet: “Take care of yourself physically and spiritually,” Brody tells couples. That way, your stress will be down and your tolerance will be up. You’ll be less likely to get on each other’s nerves — and to squabble. You’re more likely to have a happy marriage.

Marriage Tip No. 4: Discuss outside friendships.

While some married couples consider activities such as workplace friendships with members of the opposite sex acceptable, some relationship experts disagree.

“I’m not big on cross-gender friendships for married people,” Brody says. “It’s playing with fire.” One exception, in his book: If a wife has a friendship with a gay man or a husband has a friendship with a gay woman, he’s fine with that, since the romance potential is nonexistent.

Otherwise, he says, the line is too easy and tempting to cross.

Marriage Tip No. 5: Stop trying to control your partner.

It’s another one of those easier-said-than done marriage tips, of course. But trying to control each other — using a technique psychologists call “external control” — is the main source of marital unhappiness, according to the Glassers. In a happy marriage, partners know they cannot control each other.

You have practiced this “external control” if you have ever told your partner they need to behave the way you want them to or that you know what is right.

Learning not to control a partner can be a long process, but the Glassers offer some tips on educating yourself. “Think first,” Carleen Glasser says. Ask yourself: “If I can only control my own behavior, what can I do to help the marriage?” Then think of what you can change to make the problem better, she suggests.

Marriage Tip No. 6: Honor and respect your partner.

“Be honoring all the time,” says Thomas Merrill. That means no “my old lady” stories, he says. And it also means a wife shouldn’t be flirting with male co-workers or other men.

Respect was also a marriage tip that came up often from the marriage masters, Boggs says. “The No. 1 principle that almost everyone talked about is respect,” he says. “You can have respect without love, but you cannot have love without respect.”

Respect, say those with a happy marriage, means not undermining your partner in front of the children. “And don’t go outside the marriage when you are having a problem,” Boggs says they advised. “Discuss it with your partner.”

Respect also means not criticizing your mate in front of others, Miller and Boggs were often told by the marriage masters. To make this marriage tip easier to practice, consider the input of one marriage master on the topic, Boggs says. “One man told me, ‘Let’s say someone is walking by when you are criticizing your mate. That is the only opinion they have of you.’”

Marriage Tip No. 7: If you’re the wife, lower your expectations. If you’re the husband, step up to the plate.

When Steve Brody and his wife, Cathy Brody, MFT, a marriage and family counselor, toured the country to promote their book, “Renew Your Marriage at Midlife,” they asked audiences what they wanted from marriage.

“Women expected to be loved, cherished, listened to, cared for, and courted,” Steve Brody says. They had a long list of wants and expectations, he recalls. The men joked that their expectations were more basic: Their typical answers, Brody says: “Bring food and show up naked.”

While the men were half joking, the gaps in expectations are a good lesson. To close the gap, Brody says, women need to lower their expectations — to not expect 24/7 romance, for instance, especially if their mate has just worked an unbelievably long week.

Men need to do some of the things the woman wants, such as prioritize their relationship and listen more, he says. In a nutshell, Brody says, “Men need to do the same things at home that they do at work.” He tells the husbands he counsels to think of it this way: “Your wife is the million-dollar client. If she walks out the door, the business is closed.”

[via WebMD]

Foreplay is highly appreciated by men and women as it’s not only an essential part of making you ready for the intercourse but also is the best way to show your affection towards partner. Nothing brings in so much pleasure and colors to lovemaking as foreplay, besides you can always vary the forms of foreplay introducing different erotic plays to make every session unique and sensual.

Why do we need foreplay?

Pleasant atmosphere

Foreplay gives an opportunity for both partners to create sensual air and distract from unnecessary things that can interfere in physical connection.

Arousal

For many women foreplay is necessary condition to become ready for penetration and in a lot of cases foreplay can become a direct path to orgasm. During a foreplay women’s genitals are getting lubricated and men achieve an erection.

Body exploration

Partners learn a good deal about each others bodies during foreplay, one’s preferences and sexual responses. They become more familiar with likes and dislikes and begin to communicate on a physical and emotional level better.

What can you do during foreplay?

It’s up to you to make a foreplay match your needs and in most cases a man and a woman who engage in foreplay may instinctively choose a way to please a partner and derive most pleasure from kissing, caressing each others sensitive zones with hands or mouth or using sex toys.

Foreplay is also not simply a physical activity but also highly gratifying mentally and emotionally. The only thought that you are giving your partner the greatest pleasure or he or she awakens your sexuality can be as arousing as touch. No wonder many sex games are appreciated by men and woman of various ages. keep in mind that foreplay begins in the brain, thats why the best way to start is to talk to your partner and make him or her feel desirable.

What time is required for a foreplay?

There is not such a thing as right time for foreplay. Many sexologists claim that women need more time for foreplay but this issue is very individual and depends on personal attitude, sexual temperament, sexual circumstances, experience and a lot of other things. In fact, one woman can enjoy long foreplay one time and be ready for intercourse with little or no time next time.

The biggest mistake men and women do is to keep to one “push the right button” method during foreplay. Foreplay is not a technical way to bring your partner to orgasm – but more a part of the whole process of making sexual contact more satisfying.

Interesting fact

Scientists taking part in the research of sexual arousal found out that women on average are no different from men when it comes to the time of foreplay. Experts from McGill University Health Centre in Montreal, Canada revealed that irrespective of the gender, people reach the peak of sexual arousal within 10 minutes if they watched sexually explicit movies or pictures. Tuuli Kukkonen and her colleagues from McGill University Health Centre used thermal imaging to record temperature in genitals of men and women.

Participants (28 men and 30 women) were watching different videos from pornography to comedy naked with their genitals exposed. The computer records that were used for the experiment showed that individual‛s baseline temperature increased by 2°C when watching pornography. The difference between men‛s and women‛s temperatures was not significant.

E’s Question of the day: 

Does it bother you to think about how many sex partners your current partner has had? 

Or do you think about it at all? 

I know when you’re involved in a relationship. It can be difficult to think about your lover being with another person, much less talk about it. But with disease and so many unplanned pregnancies, I think it’s absolutely imperative that it be discussed. 

But how do you go about approaching the subject? And will you be able to handle the answer once you get it? 

My ex once told me, “Don’t ask me anything you don’t want to know the answer to.” So I asked. And honestly even though I’d had twice as many partners as she’d had I still felt kinda’ weird about it. It took a while for me to put it out of my mind. Every time she would run into an old friend when we’d be out together I’d want to know if he was one of the many. 

How do you deal with your ex being so friendly to those they use to be sexually active with? 

Please tell me what you think…..

To say women are complicated sexually is about as obvious as me pointing out you’d be awfully tired if you tried to swim from here to Australia. Everyone knows women find it harder to orgasm than men do. Here’s a rundown of the reasons why — and how to up your chances of enjoying hassle-free sex like he does.

You Just Don’t Feel Like It

Pinpoint exactly what’s happening

Temporary lack of desire means you normally love sex but are just going through an off period. Long-term lack of desire means passion hasn’t lived at your house for quite some time. Low sensation means you want sex but your body doesn’t, refusing to respond physically to erotic arousal of the brain. Your genitals remain dry and you’ve got a low sensitivity to touch and sensation on your clitoris and vaginal area.

If you’re suffering from low sensation, head for your doctor and ask for a referral to a good gynecologist for a full check-up. The problem’s usually physically based with common culprits being pelvic surgery like hysterectomy, high blood pressure, smoking, high cholesterol hormonal changes like having a baby and medications.

Temporary lack of desire can usually be pinpointed to a specific event if you think hard enough. Apart from the obvious things like having a baby, there’s stress (Just got a promotion? Moved to a new house?), exhaustion (all or any of the above), the death of a loved one, tension in your relationship and any one of a number of things which make you feel less than wonderful. If you can identify a specific event, the solution usually presents itself along with the realization. Super stressed? Rethink your priorities. If you’re grieving, give yourself time to heal.

If you haven’t felt sexual for a year or more and have no idea why, that’s when you need to sit up and pay attention. And be truthful. The first and most likely reason you’re not (ever) turned on is you’re in the wrong relationship or your partner’s a lousy lover. By far the biggest obstacle between us and the Big O is a partner who hasn’t the first clue about how to get us there. I’m happy to report, however, that with some open, honest communication and education about what you need to orgasm, this can be solved.

Are you subconsciously withholding sex?

A tad more disturbing is realizing the problem is not your partner’s technique but the fact you simply don’t fancy him. While there are plenty of ways to try to spice up your sex life, it’s unlikely you’ll be waking the neighbors if the thrill is simply gone. The solution to that — deciding whether to leave or stay in a sexless relationship — is something I’m going to leave with you, I’m afraid. There are so many individual factors, only you can decide that one!

Sex is a powerful bargaining tool in relationships. If your partner’s always been sex mad, withdrawing his main source of pleasure if he’s not behaving out of bed can be tremendously satisfying. Sometimes, particularly if you’re angry, you’re aware you are doing it. (That’ll teach the jerk!) Other times, if you’re deeply hurt, it happens on an unconscious level. Sex problems are rarely just about sex, they’re usually a sign the relationship’s a bit wobbly, as well.

On The Somewhat Positive Side

Equally as common and just as destructive to your sex life: You’ve become too close to your partner. How was sex in the beginning? If it was good and you’re still attracted to them, if not lusting after them, intimacy is rudely pushing passion aside. It’s ironic: The couples who have the closest, soul-mate connection and the best relationships often have the worst sex lives. A crucial ingredient to having good long-term sex is novelty: if you’ve become matching bookends with the same tastes and views, that’s hard to achieve. Couples who push each other out of their comfort zones, challenging each other to try new things and see things from a different point of view, tend to fare better in the bedroom.

A Few Other Things to Consider

• Rule out medical causes. First, have a full medical consultation to assess your lifestyle, general health, medication and hormone levels.
• Desire is a decision. It doesn’t just happen; you have to make it happen. Accept responsibility for your own arousal. Work out what turns you on and do it. Spontaneous lust happens easily in the beginning, but not so easily later on.
• Make a weekly date for sex (minimum) and three other dates (an hour each time) to simply spend time together outside the bedroom. Make these dates a top of your priority list — not last on the list. When the time comes make an effort to enthusiastically participate, and you might find you enjoy it as much as he does!
• Don’t play the blame game. Just because your partner wants to get horizontal with you does not mean he is bordering on sex addiction. It’s a compliment! Fight the Why should I do something I don’t want to do? stubbornness. Instead, try everything in your power to make sex a pleasure, not a chore.

You’re Having Orgasmless Sex

Pinpoint the Problem

If you’re preorgasmic you’ve never had an orgasm, if you’re anorgasmic you’re able to orgasm through masturbation but not able to have one with your partner. Which one are you?

Never, ever had one?

The first thing to do is experiment with a vibrator. Almost all women can orgasm this way and you’ll have an idea of what you’re aiming for. After teaching yourself to orgasm using a vibrator (Simply hold it over the clitoral area with your vaginal lips closed), it’s then a matter of training yourself to masturbate with your fingers. Next, teach your partner how to do it and start experimenting with oral sex. The most reliable ways for women to orgasm: a vibrator, his tongue or his fingers. Add personal lubricant — a big dollop — when masturbating and you’ll notice a huge difference.

Some Tips

• Educate yourself about your body. Buy some good, non-judgmental basic reference books, especially those which talk about masturbation and orgasms. The less educated you are about sex, the less likely you are to orgasm if you’re female.
• Don’t stop stimulation because you’re worried you’ll pee yourself. The first few times you orgasm, it does feel a bit like you’re about to urinate. Trust me, you’re not! Stop worrying, close your eyes and try to get past the feeling.
• Can’t orgasm even with a vibrator? There could be deep, psychological factors at play, perhaps an early traumatic experience you don’t remember but which is influencing you. Sometimes, our brain will “hide” information from us if it thinks it’s too painful to recall. Sounds clever — and it is to a point — but your brain isn’t the only thing which remembers; your body does too. If you feel there’s something wrong, but you’re not sure what, or if you feel generally uncomfortable about sex, arrange to see a counselor or therapist.

You can orgasm just fine solo, you just can’t do it with him?

Welcome to a very big club. Seventy seven percent of women find it easier to reach orgasm alone, rather than with a partner. Even those who work up the courage to show their partner the technique which does it for them, fall at the gate. Why? Because their partner doesn’t do it for long enough and after requesting that he do it a certain way, it feels wrong to also demand he does it for longer. But here’s a newsflash: Studies show men actually prefer to be told what to do! The reason they stop way too soon is simply because it takes much less time for him to orgasm and he assumes you’re the same. Tell him it can take up to 20 minutes to reach orgasm and he’ll relax and settle in.

If you still can’t orgasm without a vibrator, it’s time for an introduction: “Vibrator, meet [insert the name of your partner]. [Insert the name of your partner], meet my vibrator.” At first, you should hold it against your clitoris as he continues to stimulate you elsewhere: massaging breasts, kissing you, penetrating you with his fingers. Once you both know you can orgasm by using the vibrator, the pressure is off. As he gets more practiced with the technique you like, take the vibrator out of your top drawer later and later into the sex session. Let him bring you closer and closer to orgasm without it - and eventually you’ll tip over the edge without having to use it at all. If you’re worried he’ll be threatened by a vibrator doing what he can’t, suggest using a vibrating penis ring.

If you get stuck at the “almost there” point, try switching stimulation - you’ve probably desensitised yourself. Try adding something new. If you’re into anal stimulation, a well-lubricated finger delivered with sensitivity and timing could do the trick.

You Secretly Think Sex is Something Bad or Dirty

Most women learn how to orgasm through masturbation. If you come from a strict religious background or had parents who told you touching yourself was dirty and deviant, chances are you didn’t masturbate. But it’s never too late to start exploring your body! Take baby steps until you’re at the point where you can bring yourself to orgasm. Some other ideas:

• Educate yourself about sex. Read some good books and get your partner to do the same.
• Normalize sex by renaming it. Using a word your brain doesn’t instantly associate with “bad” makes it less threatening. For instance, try calling sex “having fun” (ahem).
• Stop worrying about what everyone thinks. We’re worried that our partner will judge us. We’re worried what our Mum might think if she saw us. Lighten up! Whenever you feel your thoughts go in this direction, fight it — and refuse to let yourself go there.
• Give up the body image issues. So you’re not perfect… Shock! Horror! Neither am I. And neither is anyone I know in real life (men included)! Get over it and do what men do: When you look in the mirror, focus on the good parts, not the bad.
• Examine your sexual past. What messages did you get from your parents about sex? What other past experiences have you had which could be affecting you now? Talk to trusted friends. Talk to your partner. Talk to a therapist if you’d like.
• Stay in the moment when you’re having sex. Concentrate on feelings and sensations. If you feel your mind wander into negative territories - or even into your to-do list! — drag it back. Open your eyes and watch if it keeps your mind on it. And don’t make orgasm the focus: Just let yourself enjoy what’s happening right then and there.

via [iVillage]