People need to love and be loved. Yet many people have trouble doing so. This is by no means an exhaustive list…but it is a start.

1. Choose a partner wisely and well.
We are attracted to people for all sorts of reasons. One could be that they remind us of someone from our past. Another that they spend money on us — buying gifts and making us feel important. Evaluate a potential partner as you would a friend; look at their character, personality, morals, their generosity of spirit, the relationship between their words and actions, their relationships with others (family is important).

2. Know your partner’s beliefs about relationships.
Different people have different outlooks on relationships. And please believe that this can sometimes be conflicting. You don’t want to fall in love with someone who expects lots of dishonesty in relationships; they’ll create it where it doesn’t exist.

3. Don’t confuse sex with love.
Men are especially good at differentiating this. Especially in the beginning of a relationship, attraction and pleasure in sex –aka lust– are often mistaken for love.

4. Know your needs and make sure they are heard.
A relationship is not a guessing game. Men and women fear stating their needs and as a result, their partners are left clueless. The latter result is disappointment and possible anger at a partner for not having met their “unstated” needs. In order to become close as a couple, you must be honest with one another…please remember that your partner is not a mind reader.

5. View yourselves as a team.
A team brings people together with a goal. They may have a different perspective or strengths, but they continue pressing forward to teach and learn together.

6. Know how to respect and manage differences.
This is the true key to a successful relationship. Disagreements don’t end relationships however, name-calling does. Learn how to handle the negative feelings that may arise from the differences. Stonewalling or avoiding conflicts is NOT managing them.

7. Communicate.
If you don’t understand or like something your partner is doing, ask about it and why he or she is doing it. Talk it out, don’t assume.

8. Solve problems as they occur.
Don’t let anger simmer. Most of what goes wrong in relationships can be traced to hurt feelings. This can lead to walls being built and eventually breaking the relationship…or creating enemies.

9. Learn to negotiate.
Modern relationships no longer rely on roles. Couples should create their own roles. Every decision should be though through and negotiated by both parties. Because people’s needs are fluid and change
over time, and life’s demands change too, good relationships are negotiated and renegotiated all the time.

10. Listen — truly listen– to your partner’s concerns and complaints without judgment.
Much of the time, just having someone listen is all we need. It opens the door to confiding, confiding to trust and trust to a better outlook. Empathy is crucial especially in understand things from your partner’s perspective.

11. Work hard to maintain closeness.
Closeness doesn’t happen by itself. In absence, people drift apart and are susceptible to affairs. A good relationship isn’t an end goal; it is a lifelong process maintained via regular attention.

12. Take a long-range view on life together.
A marriage is an agreement to spend a future together. Check out your dreams with each other regularly to make sure you’re both on the same track. Update your dreams regularly!

13. Never underestimate the power of good grooming.
Enough said.

14. Sex is good. Pillow talk is better.
Sex is easy, intimacy is difficult. Intimacy requires honesty, openness, self-disclosure, fears, sadnesses as well as hopes and dreams.

15. Never go to sleep angry.
Trust me, you don’t want the spat to continue in the morning. Try steps 8 and 10 again.

16. Apologize.
Anyone can make a mistake but repairing that mistake is crucial. Apologies can be clumsy, funny, even sarcastic—but willingness to make up after an argument is central to every happy relationship.

17. Some dependency is good, but complete dependency is bad.
We’re all dependent to a degree — on friends, close family members, partners — and men have just as many dependency needs as women.

18. Maintain self-respect and self-esteem.
It’s easier for someone to like you and to be around you when you like yourself. Research has shown that the more roles people fill, the more sources of self-esteem they have. Get out and volunteer or join a committee at work. Make sure to be SURE of yourself.

19. Enrich your relationship by bringing into it new interests from outside the relationship.
The more passions in life that you have and share, the richer your relationship will be. It is unrealistic to expect one person to meet all of your needs in life.

20. Cooperate.
Share responsibilities. Relationships work ONLY when they are two-way streets. You must give as well as take.

21. Be spontaneous.

22. Keep up with your health.
Exercise…this ties in with number 18 as well. When you look better, you feel better.

23. Recognize that all relationships have their ups and downs.
You cannot be on “cloud 9″ all the time. No relationship is perfect. Working together through the hard times will make the relationship even stronger.

24. Make good sense of a bad relationship.
Examine it as a reflection of your beliefs about you. Don’t just run away from a bad relationship. You’ll either run straight into another bad one or turn your anger onto your next partner. Use it as a mirror to look at yourself. Understand what part of you is creating this relationship. Change yourself before you change your relationship.

25. Understand that love is not an absolute.
Love is not a limited commodity that you’re in of or out of. You must learn how to treat one another. If you learn new ways to interact, the feelings can come flowing back, often stronger than before.

I am always surfing the net tyring to find information to help the broke/cheap romantic.

I ran across these cute ideas to celebrate your love on a budget:

My best anniversary idea was actually one I suggested to a friend for her first anniversary with her boyfriend. I told her to get a big piñata and fill it with her boyfriends favorite chocolates, confetti, streamers, rose petals and other fun stuff. The next thing to do was to write 12 reasons why she loves him (12 for the number of months they’ve been together) on pieces of cardstock and put them in the piñata too. She could then blindfold her boyfriend and get him to try to hit it. When it breaks open he will be showered with all the things that were inside it!

My girlfriend LOVES Hershey’s kisses. So I bought a couple of big bags and counted out 101 of them (and ate any spares!). Next I cut out 101 small card heart shapes, which I then wrote 101 things I love about her on. For example, I love the way your eyes seem to shine when you smile, I love the way your lips taste, +99 more. A first I thought maybe I’d bitten off more than I could chew, and wondered if id make it to 101. But if you keep a small notepad with you in the day, you can jot down any ideas. Just remember special moments you’ve shared and favorite things to do together and hopefully you’ll get there.
I then glued each heart to the base of each kiss and placed them all in a confetti filled box with a card on the top reading: “101 kisses for 101 things I love about you!” She loved it, but refused to ever eat them as they looked too good to eat.

They say women like the bad boys. The guy that keeps us up crying in the middle of the night because we have no idea where they are. The guy who’s cell phone we wish we could check when it buzzes at all days and times of night. The guy who drinks too much and then stumbles into the house. Ladies, why do we do it to ourselves?

In the news recently, have been Amy Winehouse and Kate Moss. Both whose friends and families are hurt and upset because of their choices in men. Allegations recently have been that Amy’s new husband (of 3 months) has gotten her into drug abuse. Despite this, she remains loyal to him, refusing to go into rehab unless he accompanied her. Kate’s boyfriend has one foot in jail and the other out. These women make you want to bang their heads together. What is it about such highly successful women, who you’d think could have their pick of the fish in the sea that keeps them running back to such men? Neither women are stupid. But are both men equally smart? They both have something to gain from their famous significant others…

Could the appeal of these relationships be that they are so painful and destructive? Psychologists might agree that such cases are part of acting out of deep rooted self-hatred. People who engage in these types of relationship as a form of self-punishment do so usually in response to a notion of perceived personal failure. The fact that Kate and Amy are rich, talented and famous doesn’t matter - maybe, deep down, they don’t think they are worth being treated like a princess (every girl dreams of it…).

One way for women in such relationships to be able to remove themselves wholly from this situation is to address their underlying self-esteem issues through psychotherapy. This can be a long, drawn-out process and it’s frequently too painful for people to address what they have spent so long burying.

It’s no coincidence that both Amy and Kate have been associated with other self-destructive behaviors, such as alcohol or drug misuse. Their thought process is such that if someone else isn’t hurting them, they do it to themselves. These kinds of relationships are often also associated with co-dependency, whereby one person enters into a tumultuous relationship with another which they then become consumed by, rather than address their own problems.

This is a lesson for us all. We can never find someone suitable to love until we start to love ourselves. Maybe this is a lesson that we need to reiterate to both Amy and Kate. At this point, all their friends and families can do is hope this happens before things get any worse for them.

How can you charm a woman? Do they like a daily check-in phone call? Does she secretly wish you’d text her in the middle of the day for no reason but to make her smile? Do they prefer expensive dinners to home-cooked meals? Rock-hard abs? Flowers for no reason?
Identifying women’s turn-ons is complicated, because they all react differently. Some women you wish came with owner’s manuals so you knew exactly how they were wired. Luckily, I’ve done most of the legwork for you and am happy to pass this knowledge on to you.
Top 10 ways to charm a woman

1. Be aware. This means cracking open more than the sports section on the daily paper. Be up on current events and learn the difference between feelings, emotions and thoughts. Women are emotional beings and tend to think things through.
“They are attracted to men who are as smart or smarter”
They are attracted to men who are as smart or smarter than them, and your knowledge of worldly matters will demonstrate your intelligence.
2. Demonstrate humor. Women love a man who can make them laugh. Now don’t fret here if you’re not a stand-up comedian. We all have a certain type of humor. You can be dry, sarcastic, hilariously funny, quick-witted or dark. Being able to poke fun at yourself and just plain old being goofy is a turn-on for women. Keep in mind that all women are not attracted to the same type of humor, so if you don’t vibe, just walk away and try someone else.
3. Have passion. A guy who lives his life with gusto is incredibly appealing. When you speak to a woman about your life, your travels, your job, your interests, speak with passion. That passion about who you are will turn her on instantly. She will start to imagine what it will be like when you are involved with her and how passionate you will speak about her.
4. Be considerate. Pay attention to the little things and look for opportunities to make small gestures that show you care. A simple “How was your day?” and being able to listen to her when she wants to discuss something are huge. So many men forget about simple things like holding the door, paying for her valet or just thanking her for a great time last night. Women are all about a guy with manners — she is not attracted to the dope who acts like a caveman.
5. Be honest.
“Share who you are by telling her something personal”
Share who you are by telling her something personal. Maybe share one of your favorite childhood memories or some personal growth that you have been going through. Something that will show her that you are a trusting and honest person. It also shows that you are a confident but vulnerable man. Women love to see the vulnerable side of you. Note: Don’t talk about an ex in a bad way here. If you have to talk about an ex, do so in a positive manner and share what you learned and how you grew from the relationship.
6. Be flexibile. Be open to her plans but surprise her with your flexibility. Take charge and surprise her with a fun night out. Instead of being the typical guy who makes a reservation, think about how you can be the guy who listens to her and plans a great date that she did not expect. If you can pull this off, she will be open to all sorts of advances from you.
7. Be positive. If you are positive about life, it shows in your actions. I always tell men to be extra nice to waiters, bartenders and other service people. Be a courteous driver when she’s in the car. When you are in line at the movies, don’t complain. Look for the humor and try to have fun with people all around you. Be positive about everything, and she will find you to be very sexy and alluring. No one wants to be with a negative hothead.
8. Be balanced. Women love a successful, ambitious man. They love that you work hard, but if you constantly put work ahead of her she will become turned off. She will start to imagine what life with you will be like with her needs being ignored. If you are out meeting women to date, you need to balance your life between work and play. This will be a major turn-on for her.
9. Have ambition. Men who are ambitious about what they do are a turn-on to women. It doesn’t matter if you choose to be a rich stock trader or a painter, as long as you are passionate about who you are and what you do. If you don’t love what you do, find something that really turns you on. You can’t attract the woman you want with a negative ambition. Women love a man who is the best at what he does.
10. Be attentive. You are out with her for the very first time, and she tells you she loves a certain type of music. On the next date take her to a lounge that plays that type of music. It is all about paying attention to the details and working on your listening skills.

This list of 10 things will work in most cases. Keep in mind there is always the woman who you just can’t seem to please. If you happen to cross paths with this type of woman, ask yourself, “Why would I want to be with a woman who is so difficult?”
I tend to avoid the difficult, judgmental women. Knowing women’s turn-ons and putting them into practice will help you identify women who may be relationship material. You need to realize that you want to attract and turn on the women that are attracted to you on an equal level!

via [AttractandApproach.com]

Thousands of couples walked down the aisle on Saturday, 7-7-07, hoping all those 7s — the number long associated with luck — will keep them lucky in love. It’s one of the most popular wedding dates in modern history, according to overwhelmed wedding planners, florists, and photographers.

Relationship experts caution, however, that much more than luck is needed to stay together and beat the odds of a divorce, now estimated to end half of today’s marriages. Here, relationship experts consulted by WebMD offer their best marriage tips for how to stay lucky in love. And they go way beyond the usual tips to buy her flowers, cook his favorite meal, and remember to schedule date night.

Marriage Tip No. 1: Purge the “D’” word.

With the taste of wedding cake barely off their lips, divorce is the last thought — or word — on newlyweds’ minds. But as the honeymoon period wanes, and day-to-day difficulties crop up, the word can come up frequently during arguments for some couples, say relationship counselors.

“Just don’t go there,” suggests Steve Brody, Ph.D., a psychologist in Cambria, Calif., who counsels couples. “Some people pull that out much too early, and much too often in a relationship. It raises a whole level of anxiety [in the person hearing it].”

Divorce is also considered a dirty word by the more than 200 “marriage masters” interviewed for the book, “Project Everlasting.” Co-authors Mat Boggs and Jason Miller, bachelors and childhood buddies from Portland, Ore., traveled the country to interview the couples, married 40 or more years, and ask for their best marriage tips.

“Don’t use the D word” was one oft-repeated suggestion for keeping a happy marriage, Boggs says. These marriage masters told him, “You need all your energy to find the solution to a problem and work it out. If you are even giving any consideration to a divorce, you lessen your ability to solve the problem.”

Of course, Boggs says, the marriage masters acknowledged that some situations are deal breakers, such as addiction, adultery, or abuse. But when the problem is less severe, many of the marriage masters told him they create a “ledger of life.” They get out a piece of paper and write down everything they love about their spouse. Eventually, they shift gears and begin to focus on what is right, not what’s wrong.

Marriage Tip No. 2: Replace the seven deadly habits in a marriage with the seven caring habits.

Learning the seven bad habits and the seven good ones is the easy part, admit William Glasser, M.D., a Los Angeles psychiatrist, and his wife, Carleen

Glasser, M.A., who co-authored “Eight Lessons for a Happier Marriage,” include this idea in their book and counseling sessions. Putting them into practice takes effort, of course.

The seven deadly habits are criticizing, blaming, complaining, nagging, threatening, punishing, and bribing.

The seven caring habits include supporting, encouraging, listening, accepting, trusting, respecting, and negotiating your differences.

Marriage Tip No. 3: Take care of yourself.

This marriage tip is short and sweet: “Take care of yourself physically and spiritually,” Brody tells couples. That way, your stress will be down and your tolerance will be up. You’ll be less likely to get on each other’s nerves — and to squabble. You’re more likely to have a happy marriage.

Marriage Tip No. 4: Discuss outside friendships.

While some married couples consider activities such as workplace friendships with members of the opposite sex acceptable, some relationship experts disagree.

“I’m not big on cross-gender friendships for married people,” Brody says. “It’s playing with fire.” One exception, in his book: If a wife has a friendship with a gay man or a husband has a friendship with a gay woman, he’s fine with that, since the romance potential is nonexistent.

Otherwise, he says, the line is too easy and tempting to cross.

Marriage Tip No. 5: Stop trying to control your partner.

It’s another one of those easier-said-than done marriage tips, of course. But trying to control each other — using a technique psychologists call “external control” — is the main source of marital unhappiness, according to the Glassers. In a happy marriage, partners know they cannot control each other.

You have practiced this “external control” if you have ever told your partner they need to behave the way you want them to or that you know what is right.

Learning not to control a partner can be a long process, but the Glassers offer some tips on educating yourself. “Think first,” Carleen Glasser says. Ask yourself: “If I can only control my own behavior, what can I do to help the marriage?” Then think of what you can change to make the problem better, she suggests.

Marriage Tip No. 6: Honor and respect your partner.

“Be honoring all the time,” says Thomas Merrill. That means no “my old lady” stories, he says. And it also means a wife shouldn’t be flirting with male co-workers or other men.

Respect was also a marriage tip that came up often from the marriage masters, Boggs says. “The No. 1 principle that almost everyone talked about is respect,” he says. “You can have respect without love, but you cannot have love without respect.”

Respect, say those with a happy marriage, means not undermining your partner in front of the children. “And don’t go outside the marriage when you are having a problem,” Boggs says they advised. “Discuss it with your partner.”

Respect also means not criticizing your mate in front of others, Miller and Boggs were often told by the marriage masters. To make this marriage tip easier to practice, consider the input of one marriage master on the topic, Boggs says. “One man told me, ‘Let’s say someone is walking by when you are criticizing your mate. That is the only opinion they have of you.’”

Marriage Tip No. 7: If you’re the wife, lower your expectations. If you’re the husband, step up to the plate.

When Steve Brody and his wife, Cathy Brody, MFT, a marriage and family counselor, toured the country to promote their book, “Renew Your Marriage at Midlife,” they asked audiences what they wanted from marriage.

“Women expected to be loved, cherished, listened to, cared for, and courted,” Steve Brody says. They had a long list of wants and expectations, he recalls. The men joked that their expectations were more basic: Their typical answers, Brody says: “Bring food and show up naked.”

While the men were half joking, the gaps in expectations are a good lesson. To close the gap, Brody says, women need to lower their expectations — to not expect 24/7 romance, for instance, especially if their mate has just worked an unbelievably long week.

Men need to do some of the things the woman wants, such as prioritize their relationship and listen more, he says. In a nutshell, Brody says, “Men need to do the same things at home that they do at work.” He tells the husbands he counsels to think of it this way: “Your wife is the million-dollar client. If she walks out the door, the business is closed.”

[via WebMD]

Single is in! I’ll give you one good reason why you should remain single and if you don’t like that reason, I’ll give you four-teen more reasons why being single isn’t so bad.

1. Personal Belongings: Everything stays exactly where you put it and that’s where you’ll find it when you go back for it (unless your house is haunted).
2. Noise Level: Don’t feel like listening to loud music or a blaring television? Great news! You don’t have too!
3. The Bathroom: You’ll never have to fight over whether the toilet tissue is to be pulled “over or under”. You’re not on a schedule, there isn’t anyone getting in the shower before or after you. There’s no rush so, take a few extra minutes to brush your teeth (don’t forget your tongue). And WOW, you can even “use the bathroom” without closing the door (please, only try this trick at home).
4. Conversation: You can talk to yourself and answer (if you choose to) and no will ever ask who you’re talking to or question your sanity.
5. Closet Space: All of the closets belong to YOU (that’s a major plus ladies)!
6. Leftovers: That lasagna that you cooked last night and have been anxious to get home to all day will still be in the refrigerator when you get home.
7. Thermostat: You have complete and total control over the temperature in your home. Chances are, if you weren’t single you’d have to tolerate temperatures that aren’t found on a normal thermostat like, 1° Cooler than Hell or 3° below Frost Bite .
8. Undressing: Kick your shoes off wherever you want! Who’s going to complain? This rule even applies to undies.
9. Leaving/Returning Home: When you open your front door to walk in or walk out, you’re NEVER asked questions that are sometimes rather annoying such as, “Where have you been?” or “Where are you going?” Isn’t it obvious that you’re going out, when you open the door from the inside anyway?
10. Telephone Calls: You never have to stress your vocal cords by screaming, “Pick up the phone it’s for you!”
11. Uninvited/Unwanted Guests: You never have to entertain in-laws. Enough said?
12. Fighting Neighbors: You can sigh with relief when you hear the couple next door fighting and be thankful that you don’t have to go through that.
13. Decorating: You can make the decision to paint your walls red, white and blue with green clovers, yellow moons and orange oranges and never have to stop and ask, “What do you think?”
14. Bedtime: Jump in! The bed is ALL yours, either side. Sleep at the top, sleep at the bottom, you can even try sideways. You won’t have to worry about losing sleep due to someone’s snoring and that dried up drool on the pillowcase, it’s just yours!
15. Unbroken: Unbroken, a word found in the dictionary under the word single . Single means, unbroken. Unbroken means, not broken. And we all know how the saying goes, “If it’s not broken, don’t try to fix it.”

via [socyberty.com]

A friend of mine sent me this link last week.  I hadn’t heard of it, but I guess it has been circulating the internet since early this year.  Check out and please let me know what you think.

http://www.spelhouse.com/gray/

I suggest reading this afterwards:

To read the story of the engagement from the photographer, click here:
http://rossoscarknight.blogspot.com/2007/06/most-elaborate-engagement-i-have-ever.html

The Top Ten Reasons Why Modern Dating Is Dead – and better yet, what YOU can do about it.

1. SEEKING HER APPROVAL AND ASKING HER OUT IS BAD And here’s the kicker – our entire modern dating system is set up so that you, the man, are being APPROVED OF at every juncture.

You ASK her if she wants to go out with you, you buy her stuff, you pay for her dinner, you give her compliments and at the end of the night you go in for a kiss and maybe you “get lucky”. Where in this equation are your needs being met? What are you, Chopped Liver? She’s the one that ultimately wants a commitment from you, why does she then get to choose, and shouldn’t she be “getting lucky” to have you?

What You Can Do About It: I propose that you no longer seek any sort of approval whatsoever from women. In fact you should be looking at HER critically and asking both yourself and her “Why should I be spending my time with you?” “What is it about you besides your obvious looks, that sets you apart from the multitudes of other beautiful women”. In fact, keep this in mind – there are right now more than likely thousands of beautiful women within a mile of you – RIGHT NOW. Any of those women would be LUCKY to have a happenin’ guy like YOU! Adopt that attitude right now.

2. DATING SITUATIONS CAUSE YOU TO ACT LIKE “OTHER PEOPLE” And That’s BAD! Ever been on a date that seemed more like a job interview than a good time with a cute girl? Ever play that 20 question game knowing full well you didn’t care what she said, you just wanted some action and you tried to tell her whatever she needed to hear to maybe get some? She gets up to go to the bathroom and you are thinking “Gee I hope she likes me!”

Revelation guys - it’s because the whole “frame” of dating causes you to become a different person. Chris Rock makes a joke about dating that “you don’t meet the other person, you meet their REPRESENTATIVE”. There’s just too damned much pressure here, and besides, it’s none of her business how much is in my 401k!

What You Can Do About It: Stop going on lame dates! Keep dates as informal as possible and above all avoid using personas – i.e., don’t play any roles like “successful guy”, “player”, “intellectual snob guy” hoping that’s what she’ll be into, and don’t tailor your answers to suit her, just be real. If you catch her doing it, goof on her!

3. SPENDING LOTS OF TIME PLANNING AN ELABORATE FIRST FEW DATES IS BAD Dinner, dancing, bowling, getting dressed up, this makes you look desperate. Maybe you aren’t desperate but that doesn’t matter – you LOOK desperate in her mind. If you had a busy life and a ton of other options you would not be planning this date to a tee. Nine times out of ten a woman can smell desperation on you. Unless you are a zillionaire and can whisk her off to Paris in your private jet, she’s going to think you are a chump who is just trying to impress her. And you know what – she’s right! Save the elaborate stuff for the fifth date when she already knows that you are a happenin’ guy who doesn’t need to impress her.

What You Can Do About It: Take her grocery shopping, have her tag along while you look at shoes, don’t make plans more than two days out, bring a bottle of wine, some cheap caviar and a box of saltines over to her house and watch “Sex and the City Reruns” with her on the spur of the moment. Keep it convenient, spontaneous, and keep it on your terms!

4. TRYING TO IMPRESS HER IN GENERAL IS BAD. In fact, most women will tell you it’s downright unattractive. Fancy dates, fancy cars, status symbols, bragging about your business deals, all telltale signs that you’ve got nothing going on in the PERSONALITY department and are probably very self conscious in general. Women can smell this too and the only women who respond favorably to this type of small behavior are generally manipulative sociopaths with really low self esteem.

What You Can Do About It: Relax and just be your cool self. Stop worrying about what she will think of you, instead focus on what YOU think of HER. Is she cuttin’ it? Is she worth your time? Further, don’t go too far out of your way on a date, make her come to you, do things that are convenient for you. See Number 3!

5. SPENDING LOTS OF MONEY BUYING HER ROMANTIC THINGS IS BAD This is taking 3 and 4 a step further - I know, I know, your mom told you to show up with a bouquet of roses and take her to the best restaurant, or “I’m only trying to be a gentleman.” This is NOT the prom. In reality things that seem romantic like flowers and candy just set a strong precedent that you will be SPENDING money from here on in.

She will begin to expect you to always be laying out the bread. This will cause her to not respect you as a man, you become the guy whom she hangs out with and tolerates because you buy her things, when you really want to be the guy who makes her all googly moogly and rocks her world in the sack! Also, it’s been my experience that with women of high character and self esteem, buying flowers, candies, and ‘stuff’ for her will tend to creep her out if you do it too soon or too often. It comes back to a weak attempt to try to impress her, masked in the guise of being a gentleman or nice guy.

Further, in that ironic cosmic way that the world works, having this mindset of “I need to take her to the best restaurant and spend money on her to keep her interested in me” will cause you to attract gold diggers, and you know them gold diggers ain’t messin’ with no broke…. Well, you get the point.

What You Can Do About It: Wait a long time before spending money, and the cheaper the better, give her a fun time without blasting a hole in your bank account. Make her a flower with origami, or draw her a rose on a napkin, she’ll appreciate that way more than a $5 rose anyway! Seems silly but trust me it works, when you are strolling down the street, pluck a daisy from the ground and give it to her.

When you DO finally bust a move with the flowers, candy and expensive dinners, she will really swoon and this will further cement her respect for you, and it will come from a place where again – she already knows you are a happenin’ guy and you don’t need to impress her!

6. PLANNING IN ADVANCE IS BAD And hardly ever works. Again, this sets up her approving of you and removes spontaneity. Women want to be swept off their feet, carried away by the moment, etc. How many times have you “asked” a woman out, she tells you “Call me Friday and I’ll let you know”… which of course is code for “If nothing better comes along I’ll let you buy me dinner and lots of drinks”.

Let’s face it gents, women are becoming less and less reliable when it comes to making plans in advance, especially the hotter ones. They Flake, it’s a fact of life. They have options and they need to know, or at least think that you have options too.

What You Can Do About It: Take that “Call me Friday and I’ll let you know” trick away from her and use it yourself! Keep things spontaneous – call her last minute and tell her to meet you across town at the Laundromat. If you are feeling extra cool, make a date with her and flake first. Steal her game away from her and play it back!

7. DINNER AND A MOVIE IS BAD Okay, it’s worse than bad, it just plain SUCKS! It’s a bad plan on so many levels. It’s expensive, it brings out that “REPRESENTATIVE” thing Chris Rock and I were just talking about, it’s predictable and it’s painfully boring. She will be thinking “Oh God, is he going to be like that cheesy guy last week who tried to make out with me in the movie theater?” Ouch! It’s too painful to go on, but I think you get it don’t you? Don’t you?? Phew…

What You Can Do About It: Be original, build some intrigue. HAVE FUN with her! Don’t tell her where you are going, but tell her to wear some nice jeans and sexy shoes or a little black dress and bring a bathing suit and a Rand McNally road Atlas! Oh she doesn’t have one? Well they sell them at Barnes and Noble she can pick one up on her way! Go James Bond baby, but absolutely no no no no dinner and a movie!

8. WAITING TO HAVE SEX WITH HER IS BAD Oh, I know – you are thinking if you wait a few dates, it’ll prove to her that you really aren’t just in it for the booty. Well you are wrong! This is really just a glorified way of trying to impress her and will only cause her to respect you less! You have to understand that she wants you but it’s her societally induced role to play “hard to get”, to play by “the rules” and it’s your job to crack her code and push her toward “giving it up”. This is done by attempting to have sex with her as quickly as you possibly can!

Waiting around and NOT escalating physically will actually cause her to think that you are not interested in her and will automatically banish you to the “friend zone” as a self protective mechanism for her! Her ego cannot fathom that you could be interested in her yet not make a move, so she automatically thinks you have rejected her and to keep you from ever rejecting her again she immediately stops being attracted to you!

This is very often times unconscious behavior for her that she may never be aware of. She will say to her friends “I don’t know what happened. I just stopped being interested in him for some reason… he’s a nice guy but I guess he’s not my type.” Believe me, I’ve got years of practice finding my way into the friend zone, and once you are in it, you ain’t gettin’ out!

What You Can Do About It: Learn how to properly seduce a woman, learn where the escalations are, and learn how to guide her through those escalations as quickly as possible. In other words: Bust A Move! Get Physical! Stop being a wimp. It might take you three dates to break her down, but she will respect you and trust me: She is ENJOYING resisting you.

Put yourself out there and risk being rejected and nine times out of ten you will not be. I believe in having sex with a woman as quickly as possible and will often make it happen on the first date! Further, if you are any good in the sack and you rock her world, the choice of whether to continue to see her will be all yours and completely on your terms. Not bad huh?

9. BEING ASEXUAL AND MASKING YOUR INTENT IS BAD This goes hand in hand with Number 8 and is also another weak attempt to try to impress her by being a “gentleman” or being a “nice guy”. Guys, she wants to sleep with you, oh maybe consciously it’s not a given quite yet, but because she is with you she is giving you a window of opportunity to make it happen, how long that window stays open, and how long it takes you to jump through it is up to you! I don’t know about you but I live my life as honestly as possible.

Acting as though I’m not interested in having sex with her, being nonchalant or acting “asexual” to me seems downright disingenuous! That’s not to say I walk around like a drooling hound dog, but I don’t sugarcoat my masculinity, censor my speech or act blandly asexual in hopes that she’ll respect me for my intellect and as such want to sleep with me. It just doesn’t work that way and it’s a poor, dishonest way to live your life!

What You Can Do About It: Pepper your speech with double entendres and sexy words like thrust, erect and penetrate. Describe your food as a “tiny little orgasm in every bite”. Develop a “warmly dominant” and flirtatious personality that subtly announces to women “Hey, I’m a man and you want a man don’tcha?” Touch her, learn how to properly escalate physical touching so that she knows “it’s on” and becomes excited about it.

10. NOT UNDERSTANDING THE NEW PARADIGM OF DATING AND SEDUCTION IS BAD! Yes gentleman, it’s time to take dating out of the crusty old box it’s been in for years and bring it into the new millennium! If there’s one thing that the sexual revolution taught us it’s that: WOMEN LOVE SEX JUST AS MUCH AS MEN DO, IF NOT MORE! However, we are still stuck in a world where having random sex with guys she doesn’t know has consequences for a woman. She could get pregnant, catch a disease, her friends could think she’s a slut…

It is therefore your job as a man to remove and / or work around those consequences. You have to accept that woman everywhere want sex and are dying to meet a guy who can guide them through the seduction process, and ultimately give them the mind blowing sex they want in a way that causes it to be “not their fault”. “He swept me off my feet”, “He was irresistible”, “I don’t know what came over me”… You do this by creating intrigue, not masking your intent or trying to impress her, being spontaneous, avoiding the dinner and a movie / overly planned event date and above all HAVING FUN with her!

What You Can Do About It: Think of your own unique, intrigue filled situations and go out and have yourself some fun with some women! Tune up your dating and seduction skills. GET SOME GAME!

E’s Question of the day: 

Does it bother you to think about how many sex partners your current partner has had? 

Or do you think about it at all? 

I know when you’re involved in a relationship. It can be difficult to think about your lover being with another person, much less talk about it. But with disease and so many unplanned pregnancies, I think it’s absolutely imperative that it be discussed. 

But how do you go about approaching the subject? And will you be able to handle the answer once you get it? 

My ex once told me, “Don’t ask me anything you don’t want to know the answer to.” So I asked. And honestly even though I’d had twice as many partners as she’d had I still felt kinda’ weird about it. It took a while for me to put it out of my mind. Every time she would run into an old friend when we’d be out together I’d want to know if he was one of the many. 

How do you deal with your ex being so friendly to those they use to be sexually active with? 

Please tell me what you think…..