You’ve been dating several weeks, and you have a feeling he might be the one. He calls when he says he’ll call. He shows up when he says he’ll show up. Your friends like him, and he’s nice to your cat. He’s doing everything right, and you’re pretty sure he’s everything you ever wanted in a man.

But you’re not sleeping well. Your hands shake when you pour a cup of coffee. You’re distracted at work. And people keep asking you, “How’s it going with the new romance? When’s the wedding?”

You’re freaking out.

What’s wrong with you?

Well, nothing, really. You’ve reached the point in a new relationship where everything seems to be going well, but part of you is terrified that suddenly it’ll end: He’ll stop calling. He’ll meet somebody else. You’ll discover his dresser drawers are crammed with women’s underwear.

And your fears are right and natural. Every time he does something right, you fall for him a little more. You’re scared because you’ve only just met him, you don’t really know him, and he holds your heart in his hands! Your mind races with questions: If he’s so great, why isn’t he married? Why didn’t his last relationship last? And so on.

You find yourself fighting the urge to call his parents and closest friends for character references.

Let’s face it. Falling in love is not for cowards. It takes strength, confidence, and poise. It becomes tempting to dissect every gesture, every snippet of dialogue with a well-meaning friend who is only too happy to advise you on your new relationship.

But don’t do it.

Think of your new relationship as a seed you’ve planted in the ground. The seed needs time to germinate and break through the soil, but every time you discuss your relationship with a third party, you dig it up. The relationship is no longer a potentially sacred thing between two people but the subject of speculation for many others. You’ve robbed it of its specialness and mystery.

Avoid the temptation to ask a friend, “What do you think he meant when he said…?” Ask him instead. If he does something that bothers you, tell him. Keep the relationship between you.

Adopt a “we’ll see what happens” attitude. It takes courage, definitely, but it’s worth it. Give your burgeoning relationship the sun and water it deserves. Only you can decide whether a man is right for you.

Please trust yourself to do that.

Author

Terry MacDonald is the happily married author of “How to Attract and Marry the Man of Your Dreams.” Sign up for free dating tips at http://www.marrysmart.com. Check out her blog at http://happygirlmusing.blogspot.com.

Merriam-Webster’s dictionary defines love as, “strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties,” and defines lust as, “an intense longing”. These two conflicting definitions help to separate love from lust. By definition alone the two differ in that, love is based on an affinity while lust is based solely on desire. The two also differ in how they affect a relationship but sometimes it becomes difficult to separate the two because lust can exist in the presence of love. Analyzing a loving relationship and a lustful relationship separately will help us to learn to distinguish love from lost.

Love has a positive affect on a relationship because when love exists in a relationship both partners hold the happiness of the other in a high esteem and place the happiness of their partner ahead of their own desires.

Love affects relationships in a myriad of ways including how the couple interacts, the leisure activities they participate in and the longevity of the relationship. In a loving relationship the couple behaves thoughtfully towards each other and is mindful of their partner’s feelings.In this type of relationship, each partner places themselves ahead of their partner and they strive to treat each other lovingly and with respect. Also, in a loving relationship the leisure activities that the couple participates in are based on a mutual love and respect.

Activities are chosen with careful consideration to the partner’s feelings. In a loving relationship the partners typically engage in activities that they either strongly agree on or those that are a compromise. While a couple in a loving relationship may not always be in complete agreement regarding leisure activities, they strive to compromise to ensure that both partners have the opportunity to engage in their preferred activities. Finally a relationship that is based on love is usually long lasting. The presence of love in the relationship enables a couple to work through any problems or difficulties that arise in the relationship and helps the relationship to endure. The thoughtfulness and caring that exists in a loving relationship helps the relationship to grown and endure.Conversely a lustful relationship may not necessary have a negative affect on a relationship but it also may not be as positive as a loving relationship. Similarly to love, lust also affects a relationship in regard to how the couple interacts, the activities the couple participate in and the durability of the relationship. The primary difference between a lustful and a loving relationship is that while in a loving relationship the partners place a high value on the happiness of their partner, a lustful relationship is one in which the partners are consumed by their own desires. The partners in a lustful relationship place their needs and wants ahead of their partner’s desires. This alone is enough to make their partner feel disrespected and to not place a high value on the relationship. The fundamental selfishness that exists in a lustful relationship trickles down and affects the activities in which the couple participates. While those in a loving relationship strive to compromise and find activities that they both enjoy, those in a lustful relationship are more prone to insist on participating in activities that they enjoy regardless of whether or not their partner will also enjoy this activity. One final characteristic of a lustful relationship is that it is typically short lived. A lustful relationship is driven by passion and desire and once a goal is reached the partner becomes no longer desirable. With nothing else to drive the relationship it soon begins to wane and the couple often separates. Lustful relationships are characterized by a selfishness and lack of respect that typically results in a short and tumultuous relationship. Complicating the issue of separating love and lust is that it is often possible for lust to exist within a loving relationship. The existence of lust within a loving relationship is often driven by a desire to become closer to the partner. This is a natural occurrence as a physical relationship is extremely important in a romantic relationship. When lust exists within a loving relationship it is not necessarily detrimental to the relationship. As long as the lust does not take over the love and become the dominant characteristic it can be a healthy part of the relationship. The opposite is not true, however. A lustful relationship can not also include love. The primary characteristic of selfishness does not enable love to factor into a lustful relationship. Placing your own desires ahead of your partner

’s precludes the formation of a loving bond. While it’s not possible to have a lustful relationship with the existence of love a little bit of lust mixed into a loving relationship can lead to a closer connection and stronger bond for the couple.Separating love from lust can be complicated but the key factors to remember is that a loving relationship is one based on selflessness and thoughtfulness while a lustful relationship is characterized by selfishness and thoughtlessness. These fundamental differences often affect whether or not a relationship will be long lasting and will endure the test of time. The separation of love from lust is further complicated by the fact that lust can exist in a loving relationship. The opposite, however, is not possible. Understand that lust can factor into a loving relationship and have a positive affect on the relationship is key to understanding the differences between love and lust.

www.latriciabuckner.com

A=ALWAYS being there for one each other.
B=BEAUTIFUL words and feelings.
C=CRYING for love, happiness, not to lose each other.
D=DAY DREAMING of each other all the time.
E=EVERLASTING love is be our answer.
F=FOREVER is our future.
G=GENTLE touch, gentile words.
H=HOLDING someone as special as you.
I=INTIMATE feelings we have for each other.
J=JOY is our happiness of being together.
K=KIND and loving is our emotions.
L=LOYAL we are to each other.
M=MARRIED is how we want to be.
N=Our love is so NATURAL, so pure, so true.
O=Our love can OVERCOME anything.
P=PRINCESS that’s what I am to you.
Q=I sometimes QUESTION myself is this true or only a dream because its to good to be true.
R=We’re like ROMEO and Juliet.
S=SWEETHEART that’s what you are to me.
T=We TRUST each other in every way.
U=UNTIL I met you I was nothing.
V=I VALUE your presence each and every day.
W=WONDERFUL feelings we have for each other.
X=X-TREAMLY in love.
Y=There is no love deeper than the love I feel for YOU.
Z=Nothing for Z but for you to ZEE (see) how much I really love you.

It is the exploration of what this might be that we do from now on in this seminar - and in life after the seminar! Its mystery and depth cannot be explained. Yet we all recognize its presence and its magic. It reveals itself through joy, which can even increase in adversity. We can learn to see ourselves as moving towards becoming able to express it ever more fully. We can learn the steps in developing this quality, which is still in the process of evolving or revealing itself.

Unconditional love is enlarging the self, and an act of will. It is not a feeling or an emotional reaction. Think of the difference between falling in love, and growing in love through all difficulties and conflicts. Unconditional love is an act of mental and spiritual will, it cannot and does not take place upon the emotional level, which is where the problems first register. Unconditional love is extending oneself in the service of the spiritual growth of oneself and/or another, independently of reward or the behavior of others.
To truly love in this way could include:

· To call forth a sense of responsibility, and a capacity to make wise choices.

· To point out weaknesses people have, - but very caringly so that the best in the person is drawn forth in response, rather than resistance.

· To challenge people to strive and attain, and discover their true selves..

· To help people work on their habits and weaknesses so that they become stronger. To show them how to use their will correctly.

· To help people learn to cooperate, and thus to overcome their little egos.

· To engage people in working for humanity.

· To teach people how to overcome their prejudices, resentments, separative tendencies, vanities, illusions, and other blocks to their own joy.

To truly love in this way does NOT mean:

· To surrender to weakness.

· To accept things that are harmful.

· To encourage weakness or irresponsibility.

· To accept dirt or ugliness in thought, feeling or action.

· To exploit or use people.

· To put people into sleep.

· To tolerate laziness.

Unconditional love causes you to see what has really caused a situation and to see through the outer appearances to the true needs or yourself and others, without criticism of yourself or others . It causes you to see the basic good in yourself and other(s).

Unconditionally loving people see their own errors and joyfully self-correct them .

They love themselves, others and the Source of Life, and therefore the whole of life. In particular, they are inclusive, and can maintain love and goodwill towards both the apparent “victim” and “oppressor” in a situation.

They seek to radiate their inner harmony and joy, peace and healing into any situation - without conditions or expectation of reward, and independently of the thoughts, feelings, and actions of others.

They are group conscious and do not react by immediately taking sides.

They serve the cause of peace and goodwill, and can often find ways to a fair solution of conflict that are not available to emotionally charged people. Gandhi taught the use of ahimsa and satyagraha, which is the willingness to cooperate harmlessly with the good intentions of the other for the true benefit of both.

The Forgiveness Process can be seen to be a process which moves us towards this goal of unconditional love.
By Dr. Guy Pettit

My buddy, Ian McNeice, shares the following for handling rejection.  He says rejection is one of our greatest fears and a fear that can do some of the greatest damage to us. When dealing with dating matters, rejection is a subject never very far away. Being rejected by someone makes us feel small, worthless, insecure and unwanted. We lose our self confidence and want to crawl into our shells until we feel stronger again. We may do something outrageous instead, something on the rebound to exact some from of revenge. That can make us feel better. The fact is, being rejected hurts, whoever we are.Most people like being loved and like being popular. It makes us feel good about ourselves. We sometimes meet grumpy people who say that they don’t care what others think of them and whilst there maybe be one or two who do think that way, most of us hate being not liked. The way we handle rejection though is dependent on many self factors, our childhood, the way we were brought up, our earliest relationships etc.

Rejection comes in many forms, from a partner being unfaithful to a loved one moving out or calling off a relationship for good. Rejection may come in the smallest of ways, from someone making no effort on your behalf on an important occasions to a partner who simply falls out of love. Rejection can be a date who doesn’t show up or a date who says that they don’t want to take things further. But whatever the scenario, of you are on the receiving end of rejection you need to spend some time keeping things in perspective by looking at the bigger picture and relating it to the many positive aspects of your life.

The way we handle rejection is important in helping us keep our self esteem and dignity. When we are rejected we often want to go crazy and blame ourselves for being rejected when the reality is its usually the other person’s problem, not ours. But when we are rejected if we are nice people we can forgive and forget fairly easily and make excuses for the person rejecting us. If we do that we are not helping ourselves. If we are rejected the best thing we can do is to move on, in time.

Being rejected hurts. The person you entrusted with hopes, desires and feelings has turned round and said that they don’t want personal involvement with you. When this happens you immediately move into blame mode. It must be, in some way or another, your fault for being rejected. Maybe it’s the way you look, your shape or height, your hair or lack of it. Maybe the way you acted , the things you said or the things you did that caused the rejection. You ask yourself is there was anything you could have done to prevent it. Lots of “maybes”. These are all natural questions we ask ourselves in the rejection process but they are the things we should try and avoid.

The fear of rejection is a debilitating issue. It stops us doing all the things we should. It stops us approaching the person we really like. Rejection is the curse, confidence is the cure. The way to fix rejection is to balance with confidence building pastimes, activities and thoughts and good times. If you feel good about yourself then you know some truths about yourself too. You know if you are good at your job, if you are organized, well dressed, in shape etc. You don’t need to worry about what other people think about you to feel happy about yourself which in turn means that if a date doesn’t go well or someone simply doesn’t like you then , well , we can’t all please everyone can we. To be exact, the more confident you are, the better you will be able to cope with some forms of rejection.

It is beyond the scope of this brief article to suggest ways of dealing with the feelings of rejection that we feel from the failure of a marriage or long term relationship, from fidelity or major domestic drama. But what is true in most cases is that when we are rejected we will come back stronger than ever, over time. Rejection in many instances moves us into a time of reflection and thought, of new perspectives and inner learning. It is a useful process because it also allows us to learn about ourselves.

The thing that annoys me most of all about rejection when dating is the lack of honesty in people. When someone doesn’t like you they should say so. When they don’t intend to see you again then say so. If they are not going to call then they should admit it. There is nothing more refreshing on a single date that either party being honest and saying that they would prefer to leave it there. When we are lied to, the feeling of rejection is compounded.

Another interesting facet of rejection is that there are people out there who will reject before they themselves are rejected. It’s a kind of defense mechanism. If they feel they are not doing too well, they will dump you, before you may possibly dump them. I know some people who have told me that they have never been rejected or dumped because they always do it first. So keep that in mind if someone rejects you.

I don’t have all the quick answers to this complex topic but I will say that if you learn about yourself, get to know your weaknesses and find ways of keeping your perspective open, your realism levels in tact, your humor great and your confidence bubbling then rejection will wash over you from time to time easier than if you don’t. Looking back on my life, if I were to imagine myself with most of the people who have rejected me, I couldn’t. That is because they were never right for me in the first place.

Latricia

www.latriciabuckner.com

Life was getting hard.  I had been married for three years, and although that was still working out well, everything else in my life was becoming difficult.  It was really putting a strain on the romance.  You see, we both run a restaurant together which, in case you’ve never been involved in food service, is one of the hardest ways to make a living as a business owner.  We were having so many problems just getting it to run.  The restaurant furniture was old and needed to be replaced.  The stoves were old.  Our new advertising drive was not working to get people in through the front door. It got to the point where I needed to take sleeping pills every night just to fall asleep.  I was unhappy with almost everything in my life – even the mattress seemed lumpy.  That was why we decided to go to a romantic bed and breakfast.

Actually, that was not the very first time that we had tried to go to a romantic bed and breakfast.  We had been to a bed and breakfast romantic a few years before, but we had not known how to choose one at that time.  Rather than finding a secluded bed and breakfast, we went to one of the best-known tourist spots, and we regretted it the whole vacation.  A romantic bed and breakfast must be in a secluded spot, or there is no point to it.  If you go to a romantic bed breakfast that is as busy as a hotel it might as well just be in a hotel!

The destination that we finally decided on was an Ireland bed and breakfast.  We had some friends who had gone there, and even though it seemed to be a little pricey, we had some coupons to the airline which saved us a whole lot of money on tickets.  As it turns out, it was great.  It was possibly the most romantic bed and breakfast I had ever seen, and I watch all the shows on the travel Channel! It was right by the seaside, with one of the most spectacular views that I’ve ever seen right in front of the window.  And the room was beautiful!  It made it an even more romantic bed and breakfast to be able to wake up in one of the most comfortable beds I’ve ever slept in every morning.  It should not make such a difference, but since I got back from my romantic bed and breakfast vacation, everything seems to just work out a little easier.  It’s almost as if I’ve really manage to leave all of that stress behind me.

When I heard about the institution of mail order brides, I thought the idea was too good to be true.  You see, I am a really sweet guy, but I have had some problems with relationships in the past.  It seems that, no matter how many American women I meet, none of them want to settle down.  None of them have the old-fashioned “stand by your man” attitude that is so necessary to make a marriage, or any kind of long-term relationship, work.  But I know that in many other countries, it is different.  There, they still know the value of a good guy.  And I am a good guy.

Actually, the first reference to mail order brides that I ever heard of was in college.  I lived with a bunch of other single guys, and we used to always joke about having a mail order Russian bride to clean house for us.  At that point, I thought the whole idea was a joke.  It was only years later when I realized that it actually is possible to get a mail order bride off the Internet.  God bless Google – without it, I never would’ve known.

When I first looked for mail order brides, I realized how many attractive women there are who are desperate to find an American man.  I guess it is just because American men tend to be more progressive and enlightened than the men in their own countries.  All of these Asian mail order brides trying to find someone to take them out of their native homelands know that there is no better way for a woman to find happiness than with an American man.  I wish more of the women that I know knew that!

I have been looking at many mail order brides in the past week or two, trying to find the one that is right for me.  I think Asian mail order brides are the prettiest, but I am not sure.  Latin mail order brides often have very good smiles, and a voluptuousness that is rare indeed, even among American women. I have sent text messages to several mail order brides, as well as my $300 contact fee, and am anxiously awaiting their return messages.  I can’t wait to pick out my own future wife.  Honestly, any of the mail order brides will do.   Now if only they would start to write me back!

Finding Love

Some people have no issues when finding love. Others seem to search their whole life and cannot find the one that makes their heart sing. Why it is so easy for some and so hard for others is a mystery. Because people are unique, their problems are just as unique, and finding love might be a matter of knowing where to look, or not knowing what you really want in the first place. You can meet a lot of people, but if you truly don’t know what you are looking for in another person, you can’t possibly know when you have met someone who could indeed be the one you want to love for the rest of your life.

Finding love used to be a matter of knowing the right people. Friends are often great ways to meet new people. When friends introduce you to someone, the battle of finding love is half over. If your friends know you well enough, they are going to hook you up with people they think you are going to like. If they keep striking out, however, you need to strike out on your own. You can go to bars, but finding love this way is hard. Many people in bars are looking for something less than a lifetime, and quite often the atmosphere in a bar is not conducive to finding love meant to last a lifetime.

There are many finding love on the Internet today, and the choices you have are more numerous than ever. It used to be something no one talked about, but today, people are more open about finding love online, and they are encouraging their single friends to do the same. The shame once associated with finding love this way is gone, and some very attractive and successful people are going about finding someone this way. If you sign up for an online dating site, you aren’t going to run into a pack of losers. You may find exactly what you are looking for in another person.

If you want to find love, look through a few dating sites before you commit. Some sites are free, but you might find more security in a site that has a subscription fee. Look through some of the profiles, and see how the site works before you sign up, and don’t be afraid to sign up for more than one if you so choose. Be honest about who you are when filling out your profile and don’t use someone else’s picture. Finding love has everything to do with honesty, and if someone contacts you based on false information in your profile, it is never going to work out.

Romance Publishers

Romance books are quite popular, even if most people won’t admit they read them. There are two different categories of romance, and most people have a preference. There are longer more detailed romance stories that stand on their own, and shorter books that are part of a line, like Harlequin. If you write, or want to write, romance books, you have to decide which type of romance publishers you want to submit your work to. If you get it wrong, you are going to get a rejection slip. A great resource for romance publishers is the Writer’s Market book. This book is put out yearly, and contains the names and information on all types of publishers. You can find most romance publishers listed in Writer’s Market, along with their contact information, what they accept as far as submissions, and all the other details you need to make sure you are submitting your manuscript in the proper form and to the proper person. This information is also available online if you don’t want to buy the book, but there is still a fee involved. For any serious writer, this is a wise investment.

You can also find romance publishers by looking in your favorite books. The publisher is listed near the front. You can then take that name and do an Internet search. The company probably has a website, and they may have their submission information listed there if you look. If they do not, you may need to get an agent. Some romance publishers only accept manuscript submissions for agents, and never directly from the author. If this happens, and you can’t find an agent, you may have to look somewhere else for romance publishers, or perhaps take a look at your work and see if you need to rewrite and polish your work. You will find that romance publishers operate just like publishers of any other written material. They expect you to follow their guidelines, and they want you to act in a professional manner.

Calling the company every day to see if they got your manuscript might not do you much good. In fact, it’ll probably have the opposite effect. If you really believe in your book, but keep getting rejections from romance publishers, you may just be submitting to the wrong people. This is where an agent can help you where you have failed in the past.

Love Story- A Romance Story of Your Very Own

When you want to write your own Love story, you have to remember that romance is never mapped out, and you have to let life take its course. It’s never easy to be alone, but you have to know that the right man or woman will come when the time is right. If you think too hard, and have a long, winding romance story in your mind of what things will be like, you are setting yourself up for disappointment. If you dwell too much on what you think is ideal, you may end up feeling cheated, and no one will ever measure up to your standards.

Your love story will be unique, just like you are. You won’t know how it will turn out until after all is said and done. So many people fall into dating with dreams of the ultimate romance. In reality, for a relationship to truly work, it takes hard work. Even the best romance story ends in compatible companionship, and a trusting love that is different from the initial rush. So many people think the initial ‘wild about you’, ‘can’t keep our hands off each other’ stage will last forever. It may seem this way when you read a romance story, but that simply isn’t reality.

If you are still single, but find your head full of romance stories, you should go ahead and write them out. This way, you get them out of your head, and you can see each moment in reality, not with the script in your mind. There are many people who love to write a good romance story, and this is because romance is something everyone craves, but even the most perfect relationships end up somewhat lacking in this department. It’s normal, and there is nothing wrong with you if this happens.

If you crave your own romance story, take your time and date before you commit to one person. You may know instantly that you have met someone who could be the one for you, but there is never any reason to rush. A good romance story is one that is full of faith, hope and understanding, and the main characters must trust and understand each other. Rushing down the aisle might only lead to disaster. You can’t push things, and if you are meant to be with someone, and your romance story is a keeper, you have all the time in the world. Enjoy getting to know each other so you don’t regret your decision a few years down the road.

In my case, after 8 years , I still hold firmly to the belief that Crystalis is the person for me. Now I don’t know if she is the perfect person for me, and I can never truly find out, except if I somehow experience each and every single one of the several billion women on earth. I however came to the decision that she is the one that I want to spend my lifetime making happy, and I am ready to do whatever it takes to have this dream come true.

Always remember, be patient in your situation too, life is not a dress rehearsal. Love like a child with innocence and sincerity, for if it is truly meant to be, your love story shall end up being all that you wanted plus more.