| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
28 Creative Love Letter Ideas
1. An Audio Tape Letter
Well my Fiancée sent me a audio tape, when I first saw the tape I thought it was broken, then I looked carefully and realized that it had a little tab, saying “Pull me” I pulled the tab and started to read what was written on the actually magnetic tape. My fiancée had actually written to me on the tape with a gold pen. This really touched my heart, and all I could think of was, what a wonderful, fun and LOVING person she is. I LOVE her to bits, I wish the same to all the romantics out there that share the same thoughts as me and my fiancée do.
Submitted by Darren Solanki
2. Message In A Bottle
When you’re in a long distance relationship, all you can rely on is letters, cards, emails, and telephone calls. But my boyfriend came up with a creative way to send me a letter. I got a package from him one day and I found a bottle with a letter inside! It was really cute and melted my heart! Who isn’t charmed by received a message in a bottle!
Submitted by Anonymous
3. Dated…
This is not so much an idea, but something that I did for my love. I never believed in love at first sight until I met Micheal. It wasn’t quite love at first sight, but following our first date, there were feelings inside me that went far beyond expression. I didn’t want to say something that I may regret later, or more likely, something that would scare him away, but I had to let it out or I would simply explode. I sat down and wrote him a letter telling him of my feelings for him. I told him that I thought I was falling in love with him and that I thought he was absolutely wonderful. I put it in an envelope and mailed it to my own home, but with his name on the envelope. It was only a couple weeks later when he expressed that he felt the same feelings about me, and so I pulled the letter out of my drawer and handed it to him. Noticing the post-marked date, he read the letter with complete astonishment, and was totally charmed to know that I had fallen in love with him on our very first date.
Submitted by Megan
4. Secret Admirer
I find that the most romantic gestures take a little time to do. Write a glorious infatuation letter, even better type it to conceal your handwriting. Try to make sure there are no tips to give you away, but put hints in it that would make her think it might be somebody else she knows. Use things you might know about her job, or places she might go, but things other people can also know. You might even scare her by telling her you followed her home. Sign it Your Secret Admirer, and send it to her by mail. Send flowers anonymously. Candy, Poetry, whatever you can think of. I set this up for a month, and when I let on who her secret admirer was, I never felt so gratified. It made her feel good that she thought she was still desirable, and when she found out it was me it made it all the better.
Anonymously
5. A letter hunt
My boyfriend told me that he would leave me a love note on my computer for when I got home. Well, he did just that and more. He sent me running around the house finding these little “clues” to where the real love letter was. After running up and down the stairs, finding clues in the cookie jar, ice cream container, under my pillow, in the bathroom, on the tv, and so on-he led me to the wine cellar in the basement where there sat a dozen roses with yet another “clue” as to where my love letter was. He had taped it to the back of the teddy bear he gave me for x-mas. It was the sweetest thing in the world even though I felt silly running through the house like I did.
Submitted by Anonymous
6. A Single Rose Love Letter
Who says that flowers are only for girls? Guys love them too. I bought a beautiful rose for my boyfriend and plucked almost all of the petals off of it. Attached to each petal, I wrote one sentence on a small piece of paper (rolled up) telling him how much he means to me. I placed the petals face up so he couldn’t see the messages. When he opened the box, he saw the left over plucked rose, a small note explaining what’s behind each petal, and the petals underneath. I can honestly say that the reciever will cherish that gift forever. :o) My boyfriend did, and right after he confessed his love for me. To this day, he still takes out the dried rose petals to read each note that explains how much I admire and love him.
Submitted by Cathy
7. Say it with their name
Send your partner roses according to how many letters there name has. For example: “manny”. You would buy 5 red roses and with each rose you would write a message starting with the first letter of their name. For example M: My love. You will never imagine how much I love you. Then for the second rose you would write: All that I ever have wanted is you and only you. then you would finish until you get to the letter Y. Before writing the note you must underline the first letter of every message. It will spell out his /her name. Then leave it where he/she will see it or just have it sent.
Submitted by Ledy Dejesus
8. Floating love letter
Save the next empty wine bottle, the next time you surprise your partner with that bubble bath, write a love letter and stick it in the bottle, cork it and float it in the bath water : )
by Anonymous
9. Love Notes
I love leaving little love notes around the house, but you want to make sure that you leave them where your love one will find them. Two ways this can be done.
(1) buy magnetic letters (bookstores sell) and place them on the refig., they are bound to go there sooner or later.
(2) use a soap bar and write your romantic message on the bathroom mirror. It won’t do damage to mirror and is easy to get off with a little water.
by Nicholas
10. Say it in a BIG way!
The other day I made a large envelope and a large note that said, “I love you in the biggest way!” I even went out on the Internet to download pictures of stamps and blew them up in size. Then I had the apartments where she lives call her to the office to pick up an “important” letter…
Submitted by Mike Johnston
11. Book of Love
This is something I did for my boyfriend, and he loved it! I thought of My ten favorite things about him, then wrote a letter about each one and how much it meant to me. I put all the letters (after I’d spent tons of time perfecting and decorating them) together into a little book, and give it to him for our anniversary. Big success!!
Submitted by Sabrina
12. Letter a day…
If your loved one is going away for vacation or a short trip, take a pink colored notepad and for each day that he’s gone write a separate love letter, so that he can read one everyday and be close to you. (I tried it– and it worked better than I thought!)
Submitted by Loving
13. Love Letter Ideas
I like to send my boyfriend a letter (snail mail) every week. However, I want every letter to be as new and exciting as for him as the first, so I try to be creative. Some ideas:
- send a letter in a bottle (be extra careful with the packaging so it won’t break)
-write a letter on the back of a 100 piece jigsaw puzzle, then take it apart and let them put it together
-instead of sending a written letter, send a video cassette of yourself telling everything you want your special person to know.
Submitted by Anonymous
14. Love Letter Ideas
I’ve found that one way to easily make an ordinary letter or package more special for somebody, is to decorate the package or envelope that you’re sending. When one of my loves sent me a teddy bear, she lined the inside of the box with gift wrapping paper, and I still cherish that box to this day. If you’ve got a letter you wanna decorate, and you’re not a good artist, then get some stickers. Too many of us forget about stickers after about grade school, but you can attach a cute or lovable sticker to anything at all, and whatever it touches will become special. A lot of restaurants and stores will have sticker dispensers that have those shiny, metallic stickers, they are superb. But don’t just get the envelope, hit the letter itself, and be sure to perfume those pages. Perfumed pages are incredibly sensual. A good way to accomplish this is to put perfume on your wrist before you start writing. As your wrist moves across the paper, it’ll be scented. Yet another thing you can do to make a letter more romantic is to write something on the flap, so the first thing your love sees when they open the envelope is an, “I love you” or something else. Before they even begin reading, they’ll already be smitten with love.
Submitted by Klancy Kennedy
15. In A Different Language
Write your loved one a long, romantic, handwritten letter in a different language (friends come awfully handy if you don’t know that much). Give it to him/her with something you treasure (in my case, he gave me his lucky pen). They’ll have a memorable time getting the letter translated, and they’ll be inspired to do the same. *smile*
Submitted by Gemma
16. Laundry Surprise
If your loved one does your laundry, write a love letter and leave it in a pocket. On laundry day he/she will find it while checking for forget me’s. Make sure to write his/her name on it so he/she will read it, not just toss it in the waste.
Submitted by Anonymous
17. Word Power
When sending your loved one a card or letter, handwrite a word find puzzle on the envelope with the words “I Love You” hidden and ask her to find the hidden phrase. Nice little treat!
Submitted by James
18. A Simple Letter of Love
A simple letter to show them how you feel usually makes them smile. My boyfriend and I are in high school and we were kind of fighting. Well, one day I went all day without seeing him at all. When school got out he was waiting for me by the doors and he handed me a letter and told me to open it. I opened it and all the way down the paper it said, “I love you.” Then at the very bottom it said, “Hope this makes up for the times when I didn’t say I love you or it didn’t seem like I did. I’ll always love you a million times more than what you think.” I looked up and he kissed me right in front of his friends and sister. It was so sweet! See what a simple letter can do to make things better?
Submitted by Tiffanie Merrill
19. I Love You Blanket
Find out his favorite colors and make him a blanket preferably fleece and on one side using felt letters write something like “cover you in kisses” or “I Love you” or “Wrapping you in my love” or something like that. I’m giving it to my BF for christmas I hope it goes well!
Submitted by Anonymous
20. Rescue Me!
I did this for my boyfriend and I’s 1st anniversary, He loved it. OK, I got a big glass bottle with a cork on top. You glue sand on the out side, make sure that it looks like the bottle has been laying on the sand for a very long time. and glue shells,sea weed etc. Then some how get some one to draw you. (make sure you like) Then write a nice letter about how you two got together and how you feel now. Then roll the papers up and place then in the bottle. Oh an extra tip.. drop some perfume on the cork. Enjoy!
Submitted by Emily Aguilar
21. A Letter To Remember
Before your wedding write a letter to your husband to be and have them write one to you. Write about anything. But, focus on your relationship with that person. Then put both letters in a safe deposit box. On your 25th anniversary exchange letters that you wrote to each other.
Submitted by stacy nelson
22. A Ransom Note
Champagne, games, and roses are nice but can get very boring after a while. Instead, get creative and do something off the wall. My girlfriend has this stuffed animal that she adores and keeps on her bed. So I decided to kidnap the stuffed animal making a ransom note from cutting letters out of the news paper.In the letter it said ” give me a McDonalds cheeseburger and a six pack of beer or your stuffed pig is pork.” Then I took a picture of it on a plate with an apple by it and a fork and knife by the edge of the plate. I then placed the ransom letter and picture on her door. Of course when she saw it she new it was me but we had a fun time with it. She would make playful and sarcastic comments and of course I played back. Needless to say I gave the stuffed animal back making myself look like the hero and she rewarded me with a nite of love. However, your mate must have a good sense of hummor or you might spend the nite on the couch.
Submitted by brian
23. Candy Bar Card
For my boyfriend’s birthday, I got a big poster board and I wrote him a letter using candy bars. It said things like you’re better than the Three Musketeers, and meet me at 5th Avenue so I can see your Whatchamacalit. Then at the end I put little hugs and kisses. He absolutely loved it and still has it.
Submitted by carrie lynn
24. Covered In Love
Write a surprise love letter to your significant other on a bed sheet (the one you use to cover up with).
Submitted by Sarah
25. Butterflies
I was getting ready to go out with an old girlfriend I had not seen in five years. I was waiting for her to show up at my apartment and was very nervous. When she arrived I couldn’t believe how beautiful she was, more than I had remembered. She looked wonderful. Anyway we had a spectacular evening of dinner and dancing. After she left that evening I couldn’t stop thinking about her so I decided send her a letter the following week. The letter had small stickers of butterflies I had placed all over it with a message that read “These are the butterflies you gave me last Friday when I heard you walking up the steps to my apartment. I thought you might like them back.” She absolutely loved it!!
Submitted by Anonymous
26. An Overlooked I Love You
Once, when my boyfriend and I were having a rough time on a special day, I cut out nine small paper hearts, wrote one letter of “I LOVE YOU!” on each, and colored them pink and red. I put the hearts in an envelope with a sheet of paper. On the paper I had made outlines of the hearts (from when I colored them) with nine overlooked reasons why I love him, one in each.
Submitted by Anonymous
27. Message In A Bottle
For our one year anniversary, I wanted to do something special for my boyfriend, but I wasn’t sure what to do. Then, while shopping at a craft store, I came upon a beautiful, blue bottle with a cork. Inspired by the recent movie, “Message in a Bottle”, I wrote my boyfriend a three page letter reviewing the past year, and expressing my everlasting love for him. Then I tied the letter with a ribbon, put it in the bottle, put the cork in tightly, and then dated it. When I give it to him, he won’t be allowed to open it…he will have to wait until the following year. A year later, as he opens the bottle from the previous year, he will be presented with another message in a bottle. Hopefully, we will be together long enough so that he will eventually have many, many bottles!! 
Submitted by Anonymous
28. Being There For Your Love!
Write your love a love letter using kiddie stickers that say things like “terrific” or “top notch” or the like. It’s a colorful way to spice up an ordinary love letter and will be sure to make his/her day that you put in the extra time.
(submitted by Amy )
[Via LovingYou.com]
|
|
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Folks,
Marriage does not a committed relationship make. You can be married to a person you are not committed to. You can also be committed to a person you are not married to.
Less emphasis should be placed on marriage and more emphasis on developing a genuine, sincere, devoted friendship. People will always quit on a lover faster than they would on a friend. People would also always betray a lover sooner than they would betray a friend.
If becoming true and genuine friends takes you 3 months or 13 years, that is what you should aim for. What does being a true friend mean, that is for you to decide, for me, being a true friend is having someone that I know has my back unconditionally and vice-versa.
How does one get to this level of becoming true friends? By sharing, start slowly at first and then integrate that person into your story, your life, your goals and dreams and what not. If the person can’t handle some of it prior to having a committed relationship to your satisfaction, there is no way they would be able to once you are in a committed relationship.
Once you start the process of integration, keep on doing this, till your life is an empty canvas before this other person, if you can accept the way they paint on it, then you are good to go, if you can’t you know that there is no reason to take things to the next level.
Of course by doing this, you shall potentially expose yourself to getting your feelings hurt, but that is fine, it comes with the territory, nothing wrong with it, take it in stride and move on. Better to do your sincere best and get hurt up front, and not do your sincere best and hurt for the rest of your life, by involving yourself with the wrong person under false pretenses.
However, once a friendship is firm and a decision has been made to be in a committed relationship, ALL other options cease to exist, this is plain and simple.
What this means is if you are a guy, and you have 2000 phone numbers in your celly of potential, past and present babes, delete all of them. If you have all sorts of babes sending you mail via fb or email, politely tell them that at this point it is inappropriate to continue communicating, and delete their email addresses, of course also give your partner full and unfettered access to all your communication accounts (voice mail, email, etc).
If you are into “Boys Night Out” (specifically clubbing or partying) or whatever, except if your babe is coming along, don’t do it, you don’t need it. If your boys can’t hang in the company of your babe to do social interaction of whatever nature, it is not meant to be.
If you are a babe and all sorts of admirers are popping up with propositions, politely tell them thanks but no thanks, if you are into doing girls night out (clubbing and partying), cease and desist, except if your guy gets to come too.
Once a commitment has been made, two have become one, and just like my head and my neck always have to be in tune with one another 100% for my body to function properly, so do the people in a committed relationship.
Once you’ve been in a committed relationship and are happy to be in a committed relationship, whether you get married or not makes no difference, as marriage merely becomes a legalization before the laws of the land what you already have internally.
|
|
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
The title is more to catch your eye than anything…
Have you met that girl? You know the one. Her life’s dream is to get married. She talks about everyone around her behind their backs when they are engaged. She laughs and smiles in their presence.
This is a description of a young lady that I work with. For anonymity’s sake, her name will be Stacy.
Stacy was with her ex-boy friend Josh for together for many years. She learned after they bought a house together that he did not want to get married and did not want to have kids. These both being very important things to her.
She since has tried playing the field to make him jealous. She even says how much she wants him back but he has to change. Stacy now admits that she broke up with him as a “threat”.
What’s even worse is that she is dying to settle down and it looks as though this is a race to the alter.
My question is why? Stacy is only 26. But this seems to be the thought process of a lot of women. We seem to have this timeline in our heads that must be met. Ok, I admit that I ‘had’ one too…but that was back in high school! Why now? Why as adults are we willing to just settle for the next man that comes along? Or, in Stacy’s case, settle for the man that we don’t necessarily want but, he’s ‘convenient’…
Let me know what you think.
|
|
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Long distance relationships require a special willingness and understanding that can test love like no other type of relationship can. It requires constant communication and a desire to continually create your relationship, using the only real tool you have… your words. Make sure you communicate all of your feelings. Words can be lost in translation via text messages or e-mail. Make sure to take time and communicate as if you were face-to-face.
If phones — or long-distance minutes are not readily available – try a virtual date. Play a game … or a few … over the internet.
If you have a lot of phone minutes (or just start after 7 p.m. when minutes are free), rent a movie “together” and watch it at the same time and share your comments over the phone.
Make gifts for each other. Nothing extravagant…but something that will tell him/her that it is from the heart. One idea is little notes or sayings of “I Love You” in different languages.
|
|
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
People need to love and be loved. Yet many people have trouble doing so. This is by no means an exhaustive list…but it is a start.
1. Choose a partner wisely and well.
We are attracted to people for all sorts of reasons. One could be that they remind us of someone from our past. Another that they spend money on us — buying gifts and making us feel important. Evaluate a potential partner as you would a friend; look at their character, personality, morals, their generosity of spirit, the relationship between their words and actions, their relationships with others (family is important).
2. Know your partner’s beliefs about relationships.
Different people have different outlooks on relationships. And please believe that this can sometimes be conflicting. You don’t want to fall in love with someone who expects lots of dishonesty in relationships; they’ll create it where it doesn’t exist.
3. Don’t confuse sex with love.
Men are especially good at differentiating this. Especially in the beginning of a relationship, attraction and pleasure in sex –aka lust– are often mistaken for love.
4. Know your needs and make sure they are heard.
A relationship is not a guessing game. Men and women fear stating their needs and as a result, their partners are left clueless. The latter result is disappointment and possible anger at a partner for not having met their “unstated” needs. In order to become close as a couple, you must be honest with one another…please remember that your partner is not a mind reader.
5. View yourselves as a team.
A team brings people together with a goal. They may have a different perspective or strengths, but they continue pressing forward to teach and learn together.
6. Know how to respect and manage differences.
This is the true key to a successful relationship. Disagreements don’t end relationships however, name-calling does. Learn how to handle the negative feelings that may arise from the differences. Stonewalling or avoiding conflicts is NOT managing them.
7. Communicate.
If you don’t understand or like something your partner is doing, ask about it and why he or she is doing it. Talk it out, don’t assume.
8. Solve problems as they occur.
Don’t let anger simmer. Most of what goes wrong in relationships can be traced to hurt feelings. This can lead to walls being built and eventually breaking the relationship…or creating enemies.
9. Learn to negotiate.
Modern relationships no longer rely on roles. Couples should create their own roles. Every decision should be though through and negotiated by both parties. Because people’s needs are fluid and change
over time, and life’s demands change too, good relationships are negotiated and renegotiated all the time.
10. Listen — truly listen– to your partner’s concerns and complaints without judgment.
Much of the time, just having someone listen is all we need. It opens the door to confiding, confiding to trust and trust to a better outlook. Empathy is crucial especially in understand things from your partner’s perspective.
11. Work hard to maintain closeness.
Closeness doesn’t happen by itself. In absence, people drift apart and are susceptible to affairs. A good relationship isn’t an end goal; it is a lifelong process maintained via regular attention.
12. Take a long-range view on life together.
A marriage is an agreement to spend a future together. Check out your dreams with each other regularly to make sure you’re both on the same track. Update your dreams regularly!
13. Never underestimate the power of good grooming.
Enough said.
14. Sex is good. Pillow talk is better.
Sex is easy, intimacy is difficult. Intimacy requires honesty, openness, self-disclosure, fears, sadnesses as well as hopes and dreams.
15. Never go to sleep angry.
Trust me, you don’t want the spat to continue in the morning. Try steps 8 and 10 again.
16. Apologize.
Anyone can make a mistake but repairing that mistake is crucial. Apologies can be clumsy, funny, even sarcastic—but willingness to make up after an argument is central to every happy relationship.
17. Some dependency is good, but complete dependency is bad.
We’re all dependent to a degree — on friends, close family members, partners — and men have just as many dependency needs as women.
18. Maintain self-respect and self-esteem.
It’s easier for someone to like you and to be around you when you like yourself. Research has shown that the more roles people fill, the more sources of self-esteem they have. Get out and volunteer or join a committee at work. Make sure to be SURE of yourself.
19. Enrich your relationship by bringing into it new interests from outside the relationship.
The more passions in life that you have and share, the richer your relationship will be. It is unrealistic to expect one person to meet all of your needs in life.
20. Cooperate.
Share responsibilities. Relationships work ONLY when they are two-way streets. You must give as well as take.
21. Be spontaneous.
22. Keep up with your health.
Exercise…this ties in with number 18 as well. When you look better, you feel better.
23. Recognize that all relationships have their ups and downs.
You cannot be on “cloud 9″ all the time. No relationship is perfect. Working together through the hard times will make the relationship even stronger.
24. Make good sense of a bad relationship.
Examine it as a reflection of your beliefs about you. Don’t just run away from a bad relationship. You’ll either run straight into another bad one or turn your anger onto your next partner. Use it as a mirror to look at yourself. Understand what part of you is creating this relationship. Change yourself before you change your relationship.
25. Understand that love is not an absolute.
Love is not a limited commodity that you’re in of or out of. You must learn how to treat one another. If you learn new ways to interact, the feelings can come flowing back, often stronger than before.
|
|
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I am always surfing the net tyring to find information to help the broke/cheap romantic.
I ran across these cute ideas to celebrate your love on a budget:
My best anniversary idea was actually one I suggested to a friend for her first anniversary with her boyfriend. I told her to get a big piñata and fill it with her boyfriends favorite chocolates, confetti, streamers, rose petals and other fun stuff. The next thing to do was to write 12 reasons why she loves him (12 for the number of months they’ve been together) on pieces of cardstock and put them in the piñata too. She could then blindfold her boyfriend and get him to try to hit it. When it breaks open he will be showered with all the things that were inside it!
My girlfriend LOVES Hershey’s kisses. So I bought a couple of big bags and counted out 101 of them (and ate any spares!). Next I cut out 101 small card heart shapes, which I then wrote 101 things I love about her on. For example, I love the way your eyes seem to shine when you smile, I love the way your lips taste, +99 more. A first I thought maybe I’d bitten off more than I could chew, and wondered if id make it to 101. But if you keep a small notepad with you in the day, you can jot down any ideas. Just remember special moments you’ve shared and favorite things to do together and hopefully you’ll get there.
I then glued each heart to the base of each kiss and placed them all in a confetti filled box with a card on the top reading: “101 kisses for 101 things I love about you!” She loved it, but refused to ever eat them as they looked too good to eat.
|
|
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
They say women like the bad boys. The guy that keeps us up crying in the middle of the night because we have no idea where they are. The guy who’s cell phone we wish we could check when it buzzes at all days and times of night. The guy who drinks too much and then stumbles into the house. Ladies, why do we do it to ourselves?
In the news recently, have been Amy Winehouse and Kate Moss. Both whose friends and families are hurt and upset because of their choices in men. Allegations recently have been that Amy’s new husband (of 3 months) has gotten her into drug abuse. Despite this, she remains loyal to him, refusing to go into rehab unless he accompanied her. Kate’s boyfriend has one foot in jail and the other out. These women make you want to bang their heads together. What is it about such highly successful women, who you’d think could have their pick of the fish in the sea that keeps them running back to such men? Neither women are stupid. But are both men equally smart? They both have something to gain from their famous significant others…
Could the appeal of these relationships be that they are so painful and destructive? Psychologists might agree that such cases are part of acting out of deep rooted self-hatred. People who engage in these types of relationship as a form of self-punishment do so usually in response to a notion of perceived personal failure. The fact that Kate and Amy are rich, talented and famous doesn’t matter - maybe, deep down, they don’t think they are worth being treated like a princess (every girl dreams of it…).
One way for women in such relationships to be able to remove themselves wholly from this situation is to address their underlying self-esteem issues through psychotherapy. This can be a long, drawn-out process and it’s frequently too painful for people to address what they have spent so long burying.
It’s no coincidence that both Amy and Kate have been associated with other self-destructive behaviors, such as alcohol or drug misuse. Their thought process is such that if someone else isn’t hurting them, they do it to themselves. These kinds of relationships are often also associated with co-dependency, whereby one person enters into a tumultuous relationship with another which they then become consumed by, rather than address their own problems.
This is a lesson for us all. We can never find someone suitable to love until we start to love ourselves. Maybe this is a lesson that we need to reiterate to both Amy and Kate. At this point, all their friends and families can do is hope this happens before things get any worse for them.
|
|
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Thousands of couples walked down the aisle on Saturday, 7-7-07, hoping all those 7s — the number long associated with luck — will keep them lucky in love. It’s one of the most popular wedding dates in modern history, according to overwhelmed wedding planners, florists, and photographers.
Relationship experts caution, however, that much more than luck is needed to stay together and beat the odds of a divorce, now estimated to end half of today’s marriages. Here, relationship experts consulted by WebMD offer their best marriage tips for how to stay lucky in love. And they go way beyond the usual tips to buy her flowers, cook his favorite meal, and remember to schedule date night.
Marriage Tip No. 1: Purge the “D’” word.
With the taste of wedding cake barely off their lips, divorce is the last thought — or word — on newlyweds’ minds. But as the honeymoon period wanes, and day-to-day difficulties crop up, the word can come up frequently during arguments for some couples, say relationship counselors.
“Just don’t go there,” suggests Steve Brody, Ph.D., a psychologist in Cambria, Calif., who counsels couples. “Some people pull that out much too early, and much too often in a relationship. It raises a whole level of anxiety [in the person hearing it].”
Divorce is also considered a dirty word by the more than 200 “marriage masters” interviewed for the book, “Project Everlasting.” Co-authors Mat Boggs and Jason Miller, bachelors and childhood buddies from Portland, Ore., traveled the country to interview the couples, married 40 or more years, and ask for their best marriage tips.
“Don’t use the D word” was one oft-repeated suggestion for keeping a happy marriage, Boggs says. These marriage masters told him, “You need all your energy to find the solution to a problem and work it out. If you are even giving any consideration to a divorce, you lessen your ability to solve the problem.”
Of course, Boggs says, the marriage masters acknowledged that some situations are deal breakers, such as addiction, adultery, or abuse. But when the problem is less severe, many of the marriage masters told him they create a “ledger of life.” They get out a piece of paper and write down everything they love about their spouse. Eventually, they shift gears and begin to focus on what is right, not what’s wrong.
Marriage Tip No. 2: Replace the seven deadly habits in a marriage with the seven caring habits.
Learning the seven bad habits and the seven good ones is the easy part, admit William Glasser, M.D., a Los Angeles psychiatrist, and his wife, Carleen
Glasser, M.A., who co-authored “Eight Lessons for a Happier Marriage,” include this idea in their book and counseling sessions. Putting them into practice takes effort, of course.
The seven deadly habits are criticizing, blaming, complaining, nagging, threatening, punishing, and bribing.
The seven caring habits include supporting, encouraging, listening, accepting, trusting, respecting, and negotiating your differences.
Marriage Tip No. 3: Take care of yourself.
This marriage tip is short and sweet: “Take care of yourself physically and spiritually,” Brody tells couples. That way, your stress will be down and your tolerance will be up. You’ll be less likely to get on each other’s nerves — and to squabble. You’re more likely to have a happy marriage.
Marriage Tip No. 4: Discuss outside friendships.
While some married couples consider activities such as workplace friendships with members of the opposite sex acceptable, some relationship experts disagree.
“I’m not big on cross-gender friendships for married people,” Brody says. “It’s playing with fire.” One exception, in his book: If a wife has a friendship with a gay man or a husband has a friendship with a gay woman, he’s fine with that, since the romance potential is nonexistent.
Otherwise, he says, the line is too easy and tempting to cross.
Marriage Tip No. 5: Stop trying to control your partner.
It’s another one of those easier-said-than done marriage tips, of course. But trying to control each other — using a technique psychologists call “external control” — is the main source of marital unhappiness, according to the Glassers. In a happy marriage, partners know they cannot control each other.
You have practiced this “external control” if you have ever told your partner they need to behave the way you want them to or that you know what is right.
Learning not to control a partner can be a long process, but the Glassers offer some tips on educating yourself. “Think first,” Carleen Glasser says. Ask yourself: “If I can only control my own behavior, what can I do to help the marriage?” Then think of what you can change to make the problem better, she suggests.
Marriage Tip No. 6: Honor and respect your partner.
“Be honoring all the time,” says Thomas Merrill. That means no “my old lady” stories, he says. And it also means a wife shouldn’t be flirting with male co-workers or other men.
Respect was also a marriage tip that came up often from the marriage masters, Boggs says. “The No. 1 principle that almost everyone talked about is respect,” he says. “You can have respect without love, but you cannot have love without respect.”
Respect, say those with a happy marriage, means not undermining your partner in front of the children. “And don’t go outside the marriage when you are having a problem,” Boggs says they advised. “Discuss it with your partner.”
Respect also means not criticizing your mate in front of others, Miller and Boggs were often told by the marriage masters. To make this marriage tip easier to practice, consider the input of one marriage master on the topic, Boggs says. “One man told me, ‘Let’s say someone is walking by when you are criticizing your mate. That is the only opinion they have of you.’”
Marriage Tip No. 7: If you’re the wife, lower your expectations. If you’re the husband, step up to the plate.
When Steve Brody and his wife, Cathy Brody, MFT, a marriage and family counselor, toured the country to promote their book, “Renew Your Marriage at Midlife,” they asked audiences what they wanted from marriage.
“Women expected to be loved, cherished, listened to, cared for, and courted,” Steve Brody says. They had a long list of wants and expectations, he recalls. The men joked that their expectations were more basic: Their typical answers, Brody says: “Bring food and show up naked.”
While the men were half joking, the gaps in expectations are a good lesson. To close the gap, Brody says, women need to lower their expectations — to not expect 24/7 romance, for instance, especially if their mate has just worked an unbelievably long week.
Men need to do some of the things the woman wants, such as prioritize their relationship and listen more, he says. In a nutshell, Brody says, “Men need to do the same things at home that they do at work.” He tells the husbands he counsels to think of it this way: “Your wife is the million-dollar client. If she walks out the door, the business is closed.”
[via WebMD]
|
|
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Every new romantic episode offers a slightly different variation on the chase.
Don’t we love to see one of both characters chase each other through difficult situations until finally they end up with each other? We leave the theatre with smiles in our hearts.
We are weaned on fairy tales - knights in armour slaying dragons so they may woo the fair damsels, princes searching for their princesses. No wonder, even little boys and girls enjoy chasing one another because according to the stories, there’s the perfect payoff; once caught, they live happily ever after.
Most of us believe in this message, “And they lived happily ever after” is so deeply embedded, that it is the downfall of many otherwise great relationships and even more marriages.
We celebrate the act of catching, fostering the myth that it is the nature of man to be the chaser and the woman’s role to be caught, and that once caught, the chase remains history.
I believe it is the responsibility of all who want to experience a growing relationship that they develop, maintain, and improve their respective abilities to chase. I see the chase as the most underrated activity in human romance.
Every year couples look at each other and say things like, “I love you, but I am not in love with you any more!”
When they first came together, the last thing on their minds was the idea that one day they would no longer be in love with each other. They wanted to spend the rest of their lives with someone they loved and who loved them, not someone who would leave them. For too many, they bought into the message that marriage is the grand prize and once you’ve won the prize; you set it somewhere and admire what you accomplished.
The romance fades as the husband and wife neglect their lover selves. They become worker bees, parents, cab drivers, lawn mowers, and worse. They no longer make time to create the chase and savour the excitement it brings.
They’re too caught up in keeping up with the household chores and workplace pressures. They no longer look at each other as great prizes worthy of chasing but as shoulder-tothe-wheel , noses-to-the-grindstone team mates in the struggle of life.
Their conversations shift from sweet sharings of how they feel about one another to whose turn it is to change the diapers.
Dealing exclusively with one mundane situation after another bleeds all the love out of a great relationship. The main way to transfuse lifeblood back into the marriage is to redevelop the chase.
To get the best picture of the chase, go back to your kindergarten years to where the purest form of the chase exists.
Think about two children who are interested in each other. They don’t go up to each other and say, “I’m very interested in you and would like to get to know you better.” Instead they get to know each other by playing games, and one of the most exciting is, ‘tag’ . This game allows them to chase after each other with great energy and excitement.
They laugh and yell as they dart from place to place looking for the opportunity to catch the other person. When he tags her, he declares, ‘You’re it!’ and when she tags him, she announces, ‘You’re it!’ Unlike a marriage that has lost its zest, the children’s game of tag goes on and on, each getting the chance to chase and to be caught over and over again.
Think about how the children look forward to playing the game day after day with the same people. This game seems never to tire them out. There is something about catching someone and being caught by someone that makes the game always exciting.
As adults we need to apply to marriage what we learned from playing tag. We need to be willing to be ‘it’, to start out being the chaser, not waiting for the other person to start the game.
We need to be willing to be caught but not in a fast or easy way because that means the game lasts only a short while; and when you’re having fun, you want it to last as long as possible. No one likes a person who never wants to play; it’s not possible to get to know more and more about anyone who prefers to play by himself and never wants to be part of the chase.
If a person feels like he has to be ‘it’ all the time, he’ll lose interest and stop playing. And, we all know that when the game stops, so does the fun. Keep the fire kindled for it shall take the relationship a long away.
[via Times of India]
|
|
|
|
|
|