They say women like the bad boys. The guy that keeps us up crying in the middle of the night because we have no idea where they are. The guy who’s cell phone we wish we could check when it buzzes at all days and times of night. The guy who drinks too much and then stumbles into the house. Ladies, why do we do it to ourselves?

In the news recently, have been Amy Winehouse and Kate Moss. Both whose friends and families are hurt and upset because of their choices in men. Allegations recently have been that Amy’s new husband (of 3 months) has gotten her into drug abuse. Despite this, she remains loyal to him, refusing to go into rehab unless he accompanied her. Kate’s boyfriend has one foot in jail and the other out. These women make you want to bang their heads together. What is it about such highly successful women, who you’d think could have their pick of the fish in the sea that keeps them running back to such men? Neither women are stupid. But are both men equally smart? They both have something to gain from their famous significant others…

Could the appeal of these relationships be that they are so painful and destructive? Psychologists might agree that such cases are part of acting out of deep rooted self-hatred. People who engage in these types of relationship as a form of self-punishment do so usually in response to a notion of perceived personal failure. The fact that Kate and Amy are rich, talented and famous doesn’t matter - maybe, deep down, they don’t think they are worth being treated like a princess (every girl dreams of it…).

One way for women in such relationships to be able to remove themselves wholly from this situation is to address their underlying self-esteem issues through psychotherapy. This can be a long, drawn-out process and it’s frequently too painful for people to address what they have spent so long burying.

It’s no coincidence that both Amy and Kate have been associated with other self-destructive behaviors, such as alcohol or drug misuse. Their thought process is such that if someone else isn’t hurting them, they do it to themselves. These kinds of relationships are often also associated with co-dependency, whereby one person enters into a tumultuous relationship with another which they then become consumed by, rather than address their own problems.

This is a lesson for us all. We can never find someone suitable to love until we start to love ourselves. Maybe this is a lesson that we need to reiterate to both Amy and Kate. At this point, all their friends and families can do is hope this happens before things get any worse for them.

How can you charm a woman? Do they like a daily check-in phone call? Does she secretly wish you’d text her in the middle of the day for no reason but to make her smile? Do they prefer expensive dinners to home-cooked meals? Rock-hard abs? Flowers for no reason?
Identifying women’s turn-ons is complicated, because they all react differently. Some women you wish came with owner’s manuals so you knew exactly how they were wired. Luckily, I’ve done most of the legwork for you and am happy to pass this knowledge on to you.
Top 10 ways to charm a woman

1. Be aware. This means cracking open more than the sports section on the daily paper. Be up on current events and learn the difference between feelings, emotions and thoughts. Women are emotional beings and tend to think things through.
“They are attracted to men who are as smart or smarter”
They are attracted to men who are as smart or smarter than them, and your knowledge of worldly matters will demonstrate your intelligence.
2. Demonstrate humor. Women love a man who can make them laugh. Now don’t fret here if you’re not a stand-up comedian. We all have a certain type of humor. You can be dry, sarcastic, hilariously funny, quick-witted or dark. Being able to poke fun at yourself and just plain old being goofy is a turn-on for women. Keep in mind that all women are not attracted to the same type of humor, so if you don’t vibe, just walk away and try someone else.
3. Have passion. A guy who lives his life with gusto is incredibly appealing. When you speak to a woman about your life, your travels, your job, your interests, speak with passion. That passion about who you are will turn her on instantly. She will start to imagine what it will be like when you are involved with her and how passionate you will speak about her.
4. Be considerate. Pay attention to the little things and look for opportunities to make small gestures that show you care. A simple “How was your day?” and being able to listen to her when she wants to discuss something are huge. So many men forget about simple things like holding the door, paying for her valet or just thanking her for a great time last night. Women are all about a guy with manners — she is not attracted to the dope who acts like a caveman.
5. Be honest.
“Share who you are by telling her something personal”
Share who you are by telling her something personal. Maybe share one of your favorite childhood memories or some personal growth that you have been going through. Something that will show her that you are a trusting and honest person. It also shows that you are a confident but vulnerable man. Women love to see the vulnerable side of you. Note: Don’t talk about an ex in a bad way here. If you have to talk about an ex, do so in a positive manner and share what you learned and how you grew from the relationship.
6. Be flexibile. Be open to her plans but surprise her with your flexibility. Take charge and surprise her with a fun night out. Instead of being the typical guy who makes a reservation, think about how you can be the guy who listens to her and plans a great date that she did not expect. If you can pull this off, she will be open to all sorts of advances from you.
7. Be positive. If you are positive about life, it shows in your actions. I always tell men to be extra nice to waiters, bartenders and other service people. Be a courteous driver when she’s in the car. When you are in line at the movies, don’t complain. Look for the humor and try to have fun with people all around you. Be positive about everything, and she will find you to be very sexy and alluring. No one wants to be with a negative hothead.
8. Be balanced. Women love a successful, ambitious man. They love that you work hard, but if you constantly put work ahead of her she will become turned off. She will start to imagine what life with you will be like with her needs being ignored. If you are out meeting women to date, you need to balance your life between work and play. This will be a major turn-on for her.
9. Have ambition. Men who are ambitious about what they do are a turn-on to women. It doesn’t matter if you choose to be a rich stock trader or a painter, as long as you are passionate about who you are and what you do. If you don’t love what you do, find something that really turns you on. You can’t attract the woman you want with a negative ambition. Women love a man who is the best at what he does.
10. Be attentive. You are out with her for the very first time, and she tells you she loves a certain type of music. On the next date take her to a lounge that plays that type of music. It is all about paying attention to the details and working on your listening skills.

This list of 10 things will work in most cases. Keep in mind there is always the woman who you just can’t seem to please. If you happen to cross paths with this type of woman, ask yourself, “Why would I want to be with a woman who is so difficult?”
I tend to avoid the difficult, judgmental women. Knowing women’s turn-ons and putting them into practice will help you identify women who may be relationship material. You need to realize that you want to attract and turn on the women that are attracted to you on an equal level!

via [AttractandApproach.com]

A friend of mine sent me this link last week.  I hadn’t heard of it, but I guess it has been circulating the internet since early this year.  Check out and please let me know what you think.

http://www.spelhouse.com/gray/

I suggest reading this afterwards:

To read the story of the engagement from the photographer, click here:
http://rossoscarknight.blogspot.com/2007/06/most-elaborate-engagement-i-have-ever.html

E’s Question of the day: 

Does it bother you to think about how many sex partners your current partner has had? 

Or do you think about it at all? 

I know when you’re involved in a relationship. It can be difficult to think about your lover being with another person, much less talk about it. But with disease and so many unplanned pregnancies, I think it’s absolutely imperative that it be discussed. 

But how do you go about approaching the subject? And will you be able to handle the answer once you get it? 

My ex once told me, “Don’t ask me anything you don’t want to know the answer to.” So I asked. And honestly even though I’d had twice as many partners as she’d had I still felt kinda’ weird about it. It took a while for me to put it out of my mind. Every time she would run into an old friend when we’d be out together I’d want to know if he was one of the many. 

How do you deal with your ex being so friendly to those they use to be sexually active with? 

Please tell me what you think…..

By Linda Grosvenor

You spot his gorgeous form across the room and your eyes lock. He winks and you offer up a sexy smile that means–I’m available. He comes over and introduces himself, and after exchanging a little about yourselves too you discover–yikes! He’s younger than you are. You search your mind–what do they call women who date younger men? Cradle-robbers, among other things. But he’s so darn cute and the attraction is definitely there, right? That’s when it hits you, the stigma of dating a younger man has really all but disappeared. When first spotted out on the town with Ashton Kutcher who is notably younger, the fabulously older Demi Moore showed no remorse at all. She’s my hero. Women like Demi and Cameron Diaz are now making it fashionable to be found clutching the arm of a younger man, and thank God for them!

There used to be a time when society deemed it bad taste or taboo for women to bridge the age gap by dating a younger man, but May December romances are inevitably on the rise. Women have taken a no holds barred approach to dating and refuse to settle just for what they can get, they’re going after what they want–an ageless package of pure man. This proactive approach to dating of course means, hooking up regardless of age. Some believe that it’s the age gap itself that will hinder the relationship, but I tend to think that if the couple has enough in common and possesses more than just a “lust” for each other, any older woman, younger man relationship really can work and develop into something mutual and lasting.

In 2000, I met and dated a man nine years my junior. We had a lot in common, he was a good listener and we found each other irresistible from the start. I didn’t think friends would approve so I didn’t tell them, while he told everybody who would listen. Nevertheless, we’re now approaching our four year wedding anniversary. Yes, we got married and it’s lasting! Although I had heard the warning that to date a younger man was a no-no, I opted to follow my heart rather than popular dating guidelines. In my opinion he was a man looking for a beautiful, independent woman and I was looking for a handsome, ambitious kind of man. With compatibility being a common factor, I believe that we were blessed to find each other, and have been growing more and more in love ever since.

The pros of dating a younger man in their 20’s and 30’s is that they like to have fun, they’re in their prime and are open-minded when it comes to career, travel and other major life decisions. As we get older we tend to become more set in our ways and find change in any of these areas an excruciating occurrence. So, when you meet a younger man, loosen up and enjoy yourself. A date is just a date, not every man meets woman outing ends in holy matrimony, neither should we expect it to. My advice is, don’t make a bigger deal out of it than it is. A date is just that, a date. The cons of dating a younger man may include the fact that your tastes in music may clash, which doesn’t have to be a major catastrophe, depending on how attached you are to your CD collection. You prefer the oldies and he’s may have an incurable fetish for rock. I say experiment with each other. You both bring something new and refreshing to the table. Sample each other’s world. Exploration and experimentation after all, is what life is all about.

Linda Dominique Grosvenor is a budding screenwriter, poet and the author of the novel Like Boogie On Tuesday (BET/Sepia Books/$15.00 - 888-345-2665). She writes for various publications and welcomes visitors to her website at:

Personals ads and in particular Internet personals ads are becoming the wave of the future in dating. More and more people are meeting online and through personals ads and these services are becoming a booming business. Gone are the singles ads of yesterday with phrases such as SWF seeks SWM. Today’s personals ads are witty, informative and hopefully effective. If you want to keep up on the current dating scene, you will have to learn all about the world of personals ads. There are a few key points to placing a personals ad which include being honest, being witty and including action phrases that will attract attention to your ad and make it stand out from the rest.

One key phrase to incorporate into your next personals ad is, “long term relationship“. This phrase is perfect because it conveys a sense of commitment. This phrase lets people know that you are committed to finding an enduring relationship and that you are not just looking for a fling. Sure there may be those reading your ad that are turned off by this phrase but as long as you maintain your honesty you won

Don’t include phrases that don’t express what you really desire in a relationship.”No baggage” is another effective phrase to use in placing your next personals ad. This phrase lets readers know that you are completely free of attachments such as a spouse or children. Again, there may be those that are looking for a relationship with someone who already has children but the majority of people who use personals ads to meet people are looking for someone who is free of other commitments.

You can spice up your next personals ad with the phrase, “Active and adventurous“. This phrase is beneficial for a couple of reasons. Active has the connotation of someone who is in shape because the reader of the ad equates active with physically fit. The word adventurous leads the reader to believe that you are romantic and daring which can be very intriguing.

“Honest” is another word that should be included in all personals ads. It is very unlikely that there are people out there who are looking for dishonest partners so letting people know that you are honest is very beneficial. It’s important to not only incorporate the word honest into your ad but to also make sure that the rest of your ad is extremely honest so that the person responding to the ad doesn’t get a sense of a lack of honesty in your ad. Another action phrase to include in your next personals ad is, “Great personality“. These words let the reader know that meeting you will be well worthwhile because you have a truly magnificent personality. It is also a great phrase to use because it indicates that you understand the value of personality in a relationship.

“Enjoys travel,” is another action phrase to include in your next personals ad. Reading this phrase creates the image that the person placing the ad is well traveled and sophisticated and this is appealing to many. It also invokes a sense of adventure which many find appealing as well.Additionally if you are seeking responses to your ad from a certain demographic group you may want to incorporate a phrase that illustrates this. For example if you are looking to meet single women of Russian descent, you may include a phrase such as, “Seeks single, Russian women”. This may seem overly simplistic but because it is so clear, it will most likely produce the desired effect of receiving the majority of responses from single, Russian women. If you have a love of food and enjoy exploring new restaurants, you may want to include a phrase such as,

“Enjoys fine dining,” to let reader of your ad know that dining out is an activity you enjoy. This phrase can be advantageous for a couple of reasons. First, dining out is first date activity that many people enjoy so knowing that a dinner date is likely if they go out with you may result in a greater number of responses to your ad. Second, the use of the word fine in the description leads people to believe that you enjoy expensive restaurants and this can be very appealing to many readers of your ad.Those who enjoy physical activity and keeping in shape, may include a phrase such as, “Fit and active,” to convey this message. This phrase can effectively lead to you receiving responses from those who have a similar interest in fitness. While the term fit clearly means you are in good shape and may result in a large volume of responses from those interested in meeting someone in shape, the addition of the term active may greatly diminish the volume of responses and effectively weed out those that are not interested in an active lifestyle. An extremely effective action phrase that you can use in your next personals ad is,

“Ask me anything.” This simple phrase can lead to a multitude of responses to your ad. This simple phrase lets others know that you are honest, adventurous and open to sharing details about yourself.The personals ads may be a great place to meet a potential partner. An ad that is written honestly and incorporates a few eye catching action phrases is likely to attract a lot of attention and responses. Try to use phrases that are not only attention grabbing but also an accurate representation of your personality. Incorporating phrases just because you think they will elicit a large response can result in many responses from people who are not suitable companions.

Good Luck!

Impressing your date doesn’t have to diminish your wallet. With a little resourcefulness and imagination you can plan dates that are a lot of fun and also very inexpensive. Not only will you be saving a load of money but your date will be impressed with your creativity. Inexpensive date ideas can include coffee houses, outdoor activities, theater and the arts, cooking and other fun activities.

A trip to a coffee house is an excellent inexpensive date idea if you are dating on a budget. The price of a couple of cups of coffee and a dessert to share is next to nothing compared to dinner for two at an expensive restaurant.

You and your date could spend a few hours sipping coffee and enjoying your dessert while getting to know each other through casual conversation. A coffee house is a great place to bring a date because the atmosphere is very relaxed and you can sit and chat for hours without interruption.

Another date idea which is very inexpensive is to take a trip to a local park. On a nice day you and your date can spend the day walking, rollerblading, playing Frisbee or just people watching. Also, pack a picnic and set up a blanket and enjoy your lunch on the grass in the park. After lunch lay back and watch the clouds for awhile. You will be surprised how often the clouds change and take on new shapes. If the park has a lake, you may even be able to rent a canoe or paddle boat for a very small fee. Spending the day outdoors and engaging in relaxing and enjoyable activities is an excellent inexpensive date idea for those who are dating on a budget.

While the theater and the arts are generally thought of as being expensive activities you can even turn these activities into inexpensive date ideas if you are dating on a budget. Most cities have local theater companies that perform their own renditions of Broadway plays. For a fraction of what you would pay to see a play performed by a major production company, you can sit front and center in a small theater. Another inexpensive date idea is to visit your city’s local art museum. You can spend the day viewing the different pieces of artwork together and talking about what you like best about each piece. Even movie theaters can be great inexpensive date ideas. Second run movie theaters often show movies a little later then their release date but the ticket prices are usually very reasonable. These theaters often offer ticket prices that are even less than matinee prices. With a little creativity even the theater can be a great date idea for those on a budget.Cooking is another inexpensive date idea for those dating on a budget. You and your date could plan a romantic meal, shop for the necessary ingredients and spend the night cooking and eating the meal you create. This is an excellent date idea because it is a great way for you and your date to spend quality time together. If you take your time preparing the meal, you will have plenty of time to enjoy the company of your date. The two of you will also be working together as a team which fosters a bond between you. Taking a cooking class together can also be a great inexpensive date idea. Many colleges offer cooking classes that are very affordable. You and your date could sign up for an exotic cooking class together and look forward to learning enough to create some of your favorite dishes.

The dating game can be frustrating, tricky, and is near impossible to master. The hours and days leading up to a first date are often a roller coaster of mixed emotions culminating in a few hours that more often than not-and please forgive the pessimism that follows-will end in disappointment.

Women tend to take a bad date to heart and ask themselves what she did wrong and why it was so miserable. So guys, this article is especially for you-now pay close attention, as the following is from a woman who knows all too well the devastating consequences of a bad date! Truly, it can crush a girl.

As you read the following dating essentials, feel free take notes, write it on the palm of your hand, or put this article in your pocket as you’re walking out the front door to meet her, as these first date musts may just be all you need to make her yours.

1. Be on time-no excuses!

Aside from the occasional metro-sexual male that may take more time to prep for a date than the typical girl, it is common knowledge that women take much more time getting ready for a social event than the male species, especially when it comes to going out with a man. We ladies will painfully and strategically pluck our eyebrows, meticulously put on mascara, eyeliner, foundation and eye shadow, obsess over which outfit is the perfect for the occasion, and so on and so forth. I could go on for hours.

When it takes us so long to get ready, and we try so hard to achieve that perfect look and never do, you will rarely hear a girl tell herself that she looks fabulous tonight. We tend to lean towards my jeans are too tight or my hair is so frizzy tonight there is nothing more frustrating than when your date leaves you waiting at the dinner table just to arrive in jeans and a polo. The simple act of making your date on time or even early will score you major brownie points with the girl.

2. It truly is the little things that count most

It sounds silly, but to a girl there is nothing more flattering than having the car door opened or when a man goes out of his way to make sure she doesn’t have to carry the popcorn or drinks. Small gestures are what we remember in the long run, and it will be the topic of conversation amongst the girls the next day during happy hour.

There is a small portion of our brain that remembers these thoughtful acts and it doesn’t matter how amazing the date went, when she lies in bed that night, she will be thinking about the sweet little gestures you did for her. Knowing that you went out of your way to buy her flowers or a teddy bear for the first meeting and still made your date on time will be on her mind for the rest of the night!

3. Make her laugh

This can be tricky at first if sense of humor is not your forte, but if you can master the art of making a girl laugh, it could be the key straight to her heart. There is nothing sexier than a man that is funny. Sharing a good laugh will undoubtedly ease the tension of the date, and the more she laughs, the more points you get! I guarantee if the laughter continues, she will not soon forget the night. There is literally no such thing as too funny, and she will be thinking about you as she giggles her giddy self to sleep that night!

If you keep these three important tips in mind on your first date, you can’t fail. Historically, when women are drinking their martinis, dwelling over a horrible first date with the girlfriends, it goes back to these three essential mistakes. He was either late which makes her feel unimportant, he didn’t make her feel special, or the date was dull.

If you can pull these three tips off, you are sure to have a fun and memorable first date together! Happy dating!

Single again? As we travel through life, we often end up single. There are many reasons why. It could be the result of meeting the wrong person, death, cheating, lies, divorce, location, goals, and more. Losing a relationship impacts us in many ways. It can be very painful, or it can be very refreshing, or anywhere in-between. No matter what the cause or the degree of pain, there is one truth we all share: We don’t want to end up alone. We want to find companionship.

In order to get into a new relationship, we have to be willing to meet and go out with people. It’s our own fear, however, that often gets in the way.

 We fear getting rejected.
 We fear having a bad time.
 We fear getting hurt.
 We fear having to reject someone else.

All these fears are valid yet easily overcome. If someone rejects you, it only means that that person feels you are not right for them. Believe me, there is someone else who would love to be with you. You have to accept rejection. It is only through trying do we get to the right person.

Many dates and relationships don’t work out. You may look back and think of it as a bad time. It is all right to have a bad time. Only through bad dates do we get to the good dates. It is through our bad relationships that we have the opportunity to learn more about ourselves and what we want, to then approach relationships with more knowledge to succeed.

No one wants to get hurt but if we do not dare to fall in love and get hurt, we cannot be in love. Getting hurt is part of the process. We do get through it and the pain does go away. The best part is there is new love waiting for you.

You may also be fearful of rejecting someone. The truth is no one is obligated to stay with someone who isn’t right for them. Rejection is part of the dating and relationship process.

Change how you look at rejection and see it as a favor. When you reject someone you are releasing him or her to go find someone who will truly appreciate that person. Look at it that way also when someone rejects you. After all, do you really want to be with someone who doesn’t want you? It’s better to be free to find someone who actually wants to be with you.

Can you predict the future? I can’t. In fact, most of us don’t think we can. Yet we continue to believe in self-limiting thoughts about the future. We believe so firmly in these thoughts we allow them to stop us from moving forward and realizing opportunities.

Instead of predicting pain, I can predict for you that if you embrace the dating process instead of watching life pass you by, you will have both good and bad times. I can also predict that these good and bad times will lead you to even better times.

Embrace the journey and release your fear.

Author and Original Post By
Devlyn Steele