Rosecry » Dating

She Cute…but has Low Self-Esteem

Candy314 — Fri, 17 Oct 2008 13:49:48 +0000

He tells you that he loves you. He tells you that you are the most beautiful woman in the world. He wants to take you out to dinner but you start blabbing off about how messy of an eater you are. Why do we do it? Down ourselves that is. Lack the confidence that any man wants and every woman deserves to have.

I have a friend that whenever I ask him about the new girl he is dating he responds, “She’s just how I like them. Super cute, with low self-esteem.” I usually laugh and then continue on with our conversation. That is, until I meet the girl…which by the way, all of his girl friends –past include—have always been attractive, but they always seem to be sizing me up as competition or questioning how they look. Now don’t get me wrong, it is always nice to have a second opinion on a new outfit, but to constantly berate or question yourself is another.

Keeping Hope…er…Love Alive

Candy314 — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 21:32:52 +0000

It is so hard nowadays to keep up with work, school and life at home. Stealing moments to keep your love alive are precious and few. Here are some ideas:
Make sure you start your day right as well as end your day right with a kiss.
Date Night – make one night of the week a night where you leave the Blackberry, Treo, PDA, etc. at home and focus on each other.
Relax time – Give your mate a 15 minute back rub when he gets home and vice versa.
Break for Lunch – Instead of taking your lunch break with the people from your office. Meet your mate for a quick bite to eat.
Dinner Time – Eat dinner at the table instead of in front of the tv. This way you can catch up on your day as well as spend some quality face time.

Co-Worker Like or Cover-Up

Candy314 — Thu, 02 Oct 2008 20:22:40 +0000

This hunky new guy started a few months ago. Ok, I am a professional, so let me back up a little bit. This extremely nice young man started a few months ago. Who am I kidding? He was hot! Not only hot but extremely nice. He moved here from out of state and we were fortunate enough to have him grace the grounds of our company.
Now, let’s back up in time a little. A couple of years ago, a naïve young woman started working at our company. A very sweet and cute young lady, but she was very naïve to the politics of the real world. She was in a horrible relationship and finally got the nerve to cut the guy off. She shared her personal business with everyone, yes EVERYONE. To the point that she became the butt of many jokes.
Fast forward to present date. The hunky guy sees me in the cafeteria and starts talking about how hard it is to find a good girl. That he is having the time of his life finding someone who completes him – I kid you not, he used a line from Jerry Maguire – in this new city that he calls home. He told me that he had a live-in girlfriend for a while back home and that their break-up was bad, but it had been over a year. So I asked him what his type was and told him that I would be on the lookout.
Back it up a couple of months. I am in the cafeteria with the naïve young woman and the hunky guy walks in. She tried her best to flirt with him…but he didn’t seem to reciprocate. He visits our offices regularly and she tries the same thing over and over again and he seems to brush her off to the point of being mean.
Fast forward to present date. So I am in the cafeteria with the naïve young woman and hunky guy appears. I told him that I think I found someone for him. He kind of shied away from me. I said it again and then he started asking probing questions about the new found girl. I told him and he said that he would talk to me later. So I grab my lunch and start heading away when the naïve young woman pulls me to the side. She says that she has a confession that she and the hunky guy have been dating well over 4 months. That they pretend as though they are not so that no one in the company would find out. She then begs me not to find anyone for him and that I keep my mouth closed. So I do as I am told.
Fast forward to yesterday. I am in hunky guy’s department and he just returned from being out sick. I asked him how he was doing and if he needed anything. I told him that our office was going to send some food to him while he was out but no one had his number. He confessed that the naïve young woman did. I said that I did not know that. He then turned and said, “Well, I think she likes me… like a whole lot. But I’m not into her that way. She doesn’t fit my type. I just really like her as a friend.”
What would you do in this scenario? She obviously likes him…but he is saying otherwise. She says that she stays overnight at his house. But he makes her leave when his friends come over. She spends money on him. But he rarely pays for anything for her. I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. Should I tell her? Should I keep my mouth shut? What do you think? Let me know.

I’m Yours, You’re Mine…For Sure?

Candy314 — Thu, 02 Oct 2008 14:09:15 +0000

A friend of mine recently got married to her beau of many years. They dated but never lived together prior to getting married. She has been telling me how difficult it has been transitioning into living with someone. For instance, her main complaint is that he squeezes the toothpaste from the middle rather than the end. He also leaves his shavings in the sink…yuck! She claims that he is all around mess. My question is, “how could you not know this before you got married?” He’s yours now and there is no use trying to change a man’s ways.
She has been asking me what to do. I said to play his “dirty game”. But the more I think of it, this could backfire…especially since he is a dirty boy to begin with. Let me know what you think…or if you have been in this situation, what did you do?

Break-Up Fee

Candy314 — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 20:24:18 +0000

Have you ever thought about breaking up with your boyfriend or girlfriend? Well if you haven’t, don’t start now. I was just sitting here thinking about the cost of love. When a relationship ends, you normally give your ex back their belongings. But have you ever thought of the damage financially that they have cost? The trips, the jewelry and fishing poles the … ahem…diamonds? Or what about the time wasted?? Time is money. Remember the opportunity cost discussed in accounting classes? Not excluding the fact that I am getting older too. Who is paying for my time wasted?

I had a boyfriend in college tell me that once you hit 25, you are past your prime and the next set of younger, cuter models begin to appear. Now that I am 25 (I am a woman — so you know my true age will never be revealed) I am starting to see the newer versions with the tighter bodies appear. I am no longer the center of attention when I walk in the room. Plus I am about $5,000 negative in the bank from all of the time and effort spent pleasing the ex. So what do I do? I just heard of a case in China where a man was ordered to pay his ex-girlfriend over $4,000 for emotional damages. Another case showed a couple setting up an IOU plan of over $14,000! What do you think? Weigh in.

Desperate Lonely Girl

Candy314 — Thu, 04 Oct 2007 17:18:50 +0000

The title is more to catch your eye than anything…

Have you met that girl? You know the one. Her life’s dream is to get married. She talks about everyone around her behind their backs when they are engaged. She laughs and smiles in their presence.

This is a description of a young lady that I work with. For anonymity’s sake, her name will be Stacy.

Stacy was with her ex-boy friend Josh for together for many years. She learned after they bought a house together that he did not want to get married and did not want to have kids. These both being very important things to her.

She since has tried playing the field to make him jealous. She even says how much she wants him back but he has to change. Stacy now admits that she broke up with him as a “threat”.

What’s even worse is that she is dying to settle down and it looks as though this is a race to the alter.

My question is why? Stacy is only 26. But this seems to be the thought process of a lot of women. We seem to have this timeline in our heads that must be met. Ok, I admit that I ‘had’ one too…but that was back in high school! Why now? Why as adults are we willing to just settle for the next man that comes along? Or, in Stacy’s case, settle for the man that we don’t necessarily want but, he’s ‘convenient’…

Let me know what you think.

Love or Hate at First Sight

Candy314 — Fri, 21 Sep 2007 18:17:02 +0000

Do you believe in love at first sight? Disbelievers may have to think again because new research shows it only takes half a second to decide if someone is attractive and if someone could be a potential mate. The research looks a physical attractiveness and how we perceive someone as attractive or how we perceive someone as being attracted to our mate. It was found that people fixate on someone’s face before sizing them up for mate possibility. The study used college students as their base. The students were shown pictures of very attractive or average-looking people for one second before being asked to look at something else. The researchers then measured the students’ reaction time. There discovery was that it takes just a second to determine if someone is attractive to you or not.

The students in committed relationships who viewed the pictures were interested in attractive members of the same sex. These students were marked as those who were jealous of and worried about guarding their mates

The study also showed the pitfalls of visual fixation, including negative effects on self-esteem when looking at an attractive person of the same sex. The negativity could be linked to illnesses such as bulimia. Another pitfall is that people may become less satisfied in their current relationships.

Making a Long Distance Love Last

Candy314 — Fri, 21 Sep 2007 17:34:25 +0000

Long distance relationships require a special willingness and understanding that can test love like no other type of relationship can. It requires constant communication and a desire to continually create your relationship, using the only real tool you have… your words. Make sure you communicate all of your feelings. Words can be lost in translation via text messages or e-mail. Make sure to take time and communicate as if you were face-to-face.

If phones — or long-distance minutes are not readily available – try a virtual date. Play a game … or a few … over the internet.

If you have a lot of phone minutes (or just start after 7 p.m. when minutes are free), rent a movie “together” and watch it at the same time and share your comments over the phone.

Make gifts for each other. Nothing extravagant…but something that will tell him/her that it is from the heart. One idea is little notes or sayings of “I Love You” in different languages.

25 Rules to a Healthy and Intimate Relationship

Candy314 — Fri, 31 Aug 2007 03:10:40 +0000

People need to love and be loved. Yet many people have trouble doing so. This is by no means an exhaustive list…but it is a start.

1. Choose a partner wisely and well.
We are attracted to people for all sorts of reasons. One could be that they remind us of someone from our past. Another that they spend money on us — buying gifts and making us feel important. Evaluate a potential partner as you would a friend; look at their character, personality, morals, their generosity of spirit, the relationship between their words and actions, their relationships with others (family is important).

2. Know your partner’s beliefs about relationships.
Different people have different outlooks on relationships. And please believe that this can sometimes be conflicting. You don’t want to fall in love with someone who expects lots of dishonesty in relationships; they’ll create it where it doesn’t exist.

3. Don’t confuse sex with love.
Men are especially good at differentiating this. Especially in the beginning of a relationship, attraction and pleasure in sex –aka lust– are often mistaken for love.

4. Know your needs and make sure they are heard.
A relationship is not a guessing game. Men and women fear stating their needs and as a result, their partners are left clueless. The latter result is disappointment and possible anger at a partner for not having met their “unstated” needs. In order to become close as a couple, you must be honest with one another…please remember that your partner is not a mind reader.

5. View yourselves as a team.
A team brings people together with a goal. They may have a different perspective or strengths, but they continue pressing forward to teach and learn together.

6. Know how to respect and manage differences.
This is the true key to a successful relationship. Disagreements don’t end relationships however, name-calling does. Learn how to handle the negative feelings that may arise from the differences. Stonewalling or avoiding conflicts is NOT managing them.

7. Communicate.
If you don’t understand or like something your partner is doing, ask about it and why he or she is doing it. Talk it out, don’t assume.

8. Solve problems as they occur.
Don’t let anger simmer. Most of what goes wrong in relationships can be traced to hurt feelings. This can lead to walls being built and eventually breaking the relationship…or creating enemies.

9. Learn to negotiate.
Modern relationships no longer rely on roles. Couples should create their own roles. Every decision should be though through and negotiated by both parties. Because people’s needs are fluid and change
over time, and life’s demands change too, good relationships are negotiated and renegotiated all the time.

10. Listen — truly listen– to your partner’s concerns and complaints without judgment.
Much of the time, just having someone listen is all we need. It opens the door to confiding, confiding to trust and trust to a better outlook. Empathy is crucial especially in understand things from your partner’s perspective.

11. Work hard to maintain closeness.
Closeness doesn’t happen by itself. In absence, people drift apart and are susceptible to affairs. A good relationship isn’t an end goal; it is a lifelong process maintained via regular attention.

12. Take a long-range view on life together.
A marriage is an agreement to spend a future together. Check out your dreams with each other regularly to make sure you’re both on the same track. Update your dreams regularly!

13. Never underestimate the power of good grooming.
Enough said.

14. Sex is good. Pillow talk is better.
Sex is easy, intimacy is difficult. Intimacy requires honesty, openness, self-disclosure, fears, sadnesses as well as hopes and dreams.

15. Never go to sleep angry.
Trust me, you don’t want the spat to continue in the morning. Try steps 8 and 10 again.

16. Apologize.
Anyone can make a mistake but repairing that mistake is crucial. Apologies can be clumsy, funny, even sarcastic—but willingness to make up after an argument is central to every happy relationship.

17. Some dependency is good, but complete dependency is bad.
We’re all dependent to a degree — on friends, close family members, partners — and men have just as many dependency needs as women.

18. Maintain self-respect and self-esteem.
It’s easier for someone to like you and to be around you when you like yourself. Research has shown that the more roles people fill, the more sources of self-esteem they have. Get out and volunteer or join a committee at work. Make sure to be SURE of yourself.

19. Enrich your relationship by bringing into it new interests from outside the relationship.
The more passions in life that you have and share, the richer your relationship will be. It is unrealistic to expect one person to meet all of your needs in life.

20. Cooperate.
Share responsibilities. Relationships work ONLY when they are two-way streets. You must give as well as take.

21. Be spontaneous.

22. Keep up with your health.
Exercise…this ties in with number 18 as well. When you look better, you feel better.

23. Recognize that all relationships have their ups and downs.
You cannot be on “cloud 9″ all the time. No relationship is perfect. Working together through the hard times will make the relationship even stronger.

24. Make good sense of a bad relationship.
Examine it as a reflection of your beliefs about you. Don’t just run away from a bad relationship. You’ll either run straight into another bad one or turn your anger onto your next partner. Use it as a mirror to look at yourself. Understand what part of you is creating this relationship. Change yourself before you change your relationship.

25. Understand that love is not an absolute.
Love is not a limited commodity that you’re in of or out of. You must learn how to treat one another. If you learn new ways to interact, the feelings can come flowing back, often stronger than before.

Celebrating Your Love…When Money is Tight

Candy314 — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 15:37:30 +0000

I am always surfing the net tyring to find information to help the broke/cheap romantic.

I ran across these cute ideas to celebrate your love on a budget:

My best anniversary idea was actually one I suggested to a friend for her first anniversary with her boyfriend. I told her to get a big piñata and fill it with her boyfriends favorite chocolates, confetti, streamers, rose petals and other fun stuff. The next thing to do was to write 12 reasons why she loves him (12 for the number of months they’ve been together) on pieces of cardstock and put them in the piñata too. She could then blindfold her boyfriend and get him to try to hit it. When it breaks open he will be showered with all the things that were inside it!

My girlfriend LOVES Hershey’s kisses. So I bought a couple of big bags and counted out 101 of them (and ate any spares!). Next I cut out 101 small card heart shapes, which I then wrote 101 things I love about her on. For example, I love the way your eyes seem to shine when you smile, I love the way your lips taste, +99 more. A first I thought maybe I’d bitten off more than I could chew, and wondered if id make it to 101. But if you keep a small notepad with you in the day, you can jot down any ideas. Just remember special moments you’ve shared and favorite things to do together and hopefully you’ll get there.
I then glued each heart to the base of each kiss and placed them all in a confetti filled box with a card on the top reading: “101 kisses for 101 things I love about you!” She loved it, but refused to ever eat them as they looked too good to eat.