CO WORKER CRUSH
You ever had a crush on someone that you work with? Of course you have. Who hasn’t? But how do you deal with this? As a man, I understand that the ego is a huge issue when dealing with anything pertaining to the opposite sex.
Just recently I had a crush on a beautiful co worker. She works in another department. And my female buddy in that department did a little probing for me. Come to find out she was single, really sweet, and she was asking about me as well. We would give each other the eye as we passed each other. It seemed like we were both searching for reasons to be in the copy room at the same time. All the little signs that someone is waiting for you to make that first move. So after 3 days of playing, I made that move. We could never find the time or space to be alone long enough to talk. So I emailed her.
I basically told her that I know that she knows nothing about me, and I don’t know her. But I figured that it was worth a shot to ask her out. So I did.
Now granted I understand all the issues that come into play when dealing with someone you work with. But I work in the film industry. A lot of times we work jobs for months, weeks, or even days at a time. So it’s a lot of work hard play hard cause you don’t get the chance to spend much time with the people you like. Many of them are not locals. This was the same situation.
Well….She shot me down. It was really nice how she did it. But I was shocked. Honestly. Still am, a little. In her email response she speaks about not being ready to get into a relationship and all this other crap. I just asked her out. Didn’t mention a thing about sex or a relationship. Just hanging out. I was like what the hell was that all about.
Then one of my other female co-workers told me that I was moving too fast. And I came off kinda creepy. I’m supposed to “play the game.” She told me.
W.T.F.? I’m 30 years old. I don’t play games.
I responded to her email just saying that it’s good and I respect the fact that she was honest. But I still think she’s attractive. And I won’t start acting awkward or anything. It’s good.
But now all of a sudden she can’t look me in the eye. She acts freaked out when I come around. All kinds of weird stuff. But I’m the creepy one.
Oh well. I guess that’s why I like older women. For the most part they don’t play games. But she’s my age so I thought things would be different. Wrong!!!!
I’ve not followed though on other opportunities to date other women that I’ve worked with. And they were upset with me. Hell, I’m confused.
But you win some and you loose some.
What can you do?
Ladies tell me something…………….
Hey Bam Sun, I understand your dilemma perfectly. Most people will tell you the problem was dating people at work to begin with. They are probably right too, but when you spend so much time in a single place or your profession involves long hours of work, I would say it is invitable if some sparks start flying by.
Second, some girls like to play the game. The ones who are able to play it, probably do. It is a great sport them and it keeps them on their toes, it gives them a reason to break the drearyness of work sometimes and it can be a little exiting too, because it seems slightly forbbiden in some cases.
The girls who play the game do not really get along with the other type. I had to learn this ‘courting’ someone in my workplace for roughly 4 months. Yes, 4. She was in a relationship when i met her, so the process turned out to be more complicated. The secret here was just patience, most men play the game naturally, there are not many secrets to it besides, show interest gently and timely, but consicely.
Now you seem stuck in situation that could have not turned out worse. It is childish, but the fact they were ‘relaying’ messages to you through a friend means she did not feel confortable enough to tell you these issues personally. When you broke the communication system and e-mailed her directly she freaked out.
what I would do is just probably avoid all contact with the girl for a good while, a month or so… depending on how she reacts. After that if there’s any way to simply communicate to her you are both stuck in that place together and the most imoportant is that you feel confortable working in the same place. Thta might ease things.
I’m stuck in a similar situation and I’m afraid someday the table turns to the ugly side. It’s a slippery slope.
Hey troubledzen, thanks for your response. I do agree with you. I probably did freak her out when I tried to cut through the game. But as sad as it is so many people enjoy the games that life’s situations can give way to.
And as far as I can see it goes both ways. A lot of my guys are what women would consider dogs. I’ve played as well. But I’d hoped that age would be the factor that pulled some people out of the game. But hell the more I think about it, I know many 50-year-old game players.
So. guess some people never change. Kinda sad.
Thanks again…..Bam Sun