The Top Ten Reasons Why Modern Dating Is Dead – and better yet, what YOU can do about it.
1. SEEKING HER APPROVAL AND ASKING HER OUT IS BAD And here’s the kicker – our entire modern dating system is set up so that you, the man, are being APPROVED OF at every juncture.
You ASK her if she wants to go out with you, you buy her stuff, you pay for her dinner, you give her compliments and at the end of the night you go in for a kiss and maybe you “get lucky”. Where in this equation are your needs being met? What are you, Chopped Liver? She’s the one that ultimately wants a commitment from you, why does she then get to choose, and shouldn’t she be “getting lucky” to have you?
What You Can Do About It: I propose that you no longer seek any sort of approval whatsoever from women. In fact you should be looking at HER critically and asking both yourself and her “Why should I be spending my time with you?” “What is it about you besides your obvious looks, that sets you apart from the multitudes of other beautiful women”. In fact, keep this in mind – there are right now more than likely thousands of beautiful women within a mile of you – RIGHT NOW. Any of those women would be LUCKY to have a happenin’ guy like YOU! Adopt that attitude right now.
2. DATING SITUATIONS CAUSE YOU TO ACT LIKE “OTHER PEOPLE” And That’s BAD! Ever been on a date that seemed more like a job interview than a good time with a cute girl? Ever play that 20 question game knowing full well you didn’t care what she said, you just wanted some action and you tried to tell her whatever she needed to hear to maybe get some? She gets up to go to the bathroom and you are thinking “Gee I hope she likes me!”
Revelation guys - it’s because the whole “frame” of dating causes you to become a different person. Chris Rock makes a joke about dating that “you don’t meet the other person, you meet their REPRESENTATIVE”. There’s just too damned much pressure here, and besides, it’s none of her business how much is in my 401k!
What You Can Do About It: Stop going on lame dates! Keep dates as informal as possible and above all avoid using personas – i.e., don’t play any roles like “successful guy”, “player”, “intellectual snob guy” hoping that’s what she’ll be into, and don’t tailor your answers to suit her, just be real. If you catch her doing it, goof on her!
3. SPENDING LOTS OF TIME PLANNING AN ELABORATE FIRST FEW DATES IS BAD Dinner, dancing, bowling, getting dressed up, this makes you look desperate. Maybe you aren’t desperate but that doesn’t matter – you LOOK desperate in her mind. If you had a busy life and a ton of other options you would not be planning this date to a tee. Nine times out of ten a woman can smell desperation on you. Unless you are a zillionaire and can whisk her off to Paris in your private jet, she’s going to think you are a chump who is just trying to impress her. And you know what – she’s right! Save the elaborate stuff for the fifth date when she already knows that you are a happenin’ guy who doesn’t need to impress her.
What You Can Do About It: Take her grocery shopping, have her tag along while you look at shoes, don’t make plans more than two days out, bring a bottle of wine, some cheap caviar and a box of saltines over to her house and watch “Sex and the City Reruns” with her on the spur of the moment. Keep it convenient, spontaneous, and keep it on your terms!
4. TRYING TO IMPRESS HER IN GENERAL IS BAD. In fact, most women will tell you it’s downright unattractive. Fancy dates, fancy cars, status symbols, bragging about your business deals, all telltale signs that you’ve got nothing going on in the PERSONALITY department and are probably very self conscious in general. Women can smell this too and the only women who respond favorably to this type of small behavior are generally manipulative sociopaths with really low self esteem.
What You Can Do About It: Relax and just be your cool self. Stop worrying about what she will think of you, instead focus on what YOU think of HER. Is she cuttin’ it? Is she worth your time? Further, don’t go too far out of your way on a date, make her come to you, do things that are convenient for you. See Number 3!
5. SPENDING LOTS OF MONEY BUYING HER ROMANTIC THINGS IS BAD This is taking 3 and 4 a step further - I know, I know, your mom told you to show up with a bouquet of roses and take her to the best restaurant, or “I’m only trying to be a gentleman.” This is NOT the prom. In reality things that seem romantic like flowers and candy just set a strong precedent that you will be SPENDING money from here on in.
She will begin to expect you to always be laying out the bread. This will cause her to not respect you as a man, you become the guy whom she hangs out with and tolerates because you buy her things, when you really want to be the guy who makes her all googly moogly and rocks her world in the sack! Also, it’s been my experience that with women of high character and self esteem, buying flowers, candies, and ‘stuff’ for her will tend to creep her out if you do it too soon or too often. It comes back to a weak attempt to try to impress her, masked in the guise of being a gentleman or nice guy.
Further, in that ironic cosmic way that the world works, having this mindset of “I need to take her to the best restaurant and spend money on her to keep her interested in me” will cause you to attract gold diggers, and you know them gold diggers ain’t messin’ with no broke…. Well, you get the point.
What You Can Do About It: Wait a long time before spending money, and the cheaper the better, give her a fun time without blasting a hole in your bank account. Make her a flower with origami, or draw her a rose on a napkin, she’ll appreciate that way more than a $5 rose anyway! Seems silly but trust me it works, when you are strolling down the street, pluck a daisy from the ground and give it to her.
When you DO finally bust a move with the flowers, candy and expensive dinners, she will really swoon and this will further cement her respect for you, and it will come from a place where again – she already knows you are a happenin’ guy and you don’t need to impress her!
6. PLANNING IN ADVANCE IS BAD And hardly ever works. Again, this sets up her approving of you and removes spontaneity. Women want to be swept off their feet, carried away by the moment, etc. How many times have you “asked” a woman out, she tells you “Call me Friday and I’ll let you know”… which of course is code for “If nothing better comes along I’ll let you buy me dinner and lots of drinks”.
Let’s face it gents, women are becoming less and less reliable when it comes to making plans in advance, especially the hotter ones. They Flake, it’s a fact of life. They have options and they need to know, or at least think that you have options too.
What You Can Do About It: Take that “Call me Friday and I’ll let you know” trick away from her and use it yourself! Keep things spontaneous – call her last minute and tell her to meet you across town at the Laundromat. If you are feeling extra cool, make a date with her and flake first. Steal her game away from her and play it back!
7. DINNER AND A MOVIE IS BAD Okay, it’s worse than bad, it just plain SUCKS! It’s a bad plan on so many levels. It’s expensive, it brings out that “REPRESENTATIVE” thing Chris Rock and I were just talking about, it’s predictable and it’s painfully boring. She will be thinking “Oh God, is he going to be like that cheesy guy last week who tried to make out with me in the movie theater?” Ouch! It’s too painful to go on, but I think you get it don’t you? Don’t you?? Phew…
What You Can Do About It: Be original, build some intrigue. HAVE FUN with her! Don’t tell her where you are going, but tell her to wear some nice jeans and sexy shoes or a little black dress and bring a bathing suit and a Rand McNally road Atlas! Oh she doesn’t have one? Well they sell them at Barnes and Noble she can pick one up on her way! Go James Bond baby, but absolutely no no no no dinner and a movie!
8. WAITING TO HAVE SEX WITH HER IS BAD Oh, I know – you are thinking if you wait a few dates, it’ll prove to her that you really aren’t just in it for the booty. Well you are wrong! This is really just a glorified way of trying to impress her and will only cause her to respect you less! You have to understand that she wants you but it’s her societally induced role to play “hard to get”, to play by “the rules” and it’s your job to crack her code and push her toward “giving it up”. This is done by attempting to have sex with her as quickly as you possibly can!
Waiting around and NOT escalating physically will actually cause her to think that you are not interested in her and will automatically banish you to the “friend zone” as a self protective mechanism for her! Her ego cannot fathom that you could be interested in her yet not make a move, so she automatically thinks you have rejected her and to keep you from ever rejecting her again she immediately stops being attracted to you!
This is very often times unconscious behavior for her that she may never be aware of. She will say to her friends “I don’t know what happened. I just stopped being interested in him for some reason… he’s a nice guy but I guess he’s not my type.” Believe me, I’ve got years of practice finding my way into the friend zone, and once you are in it, you ain’t gettin’ out!
What You Can Do About It: Learn how to properly seduce a woman, learn where the escalations are, and learn how to guide her through those escalations as quickly as possible. In other words: Bust A Move! Get Physical! Stop being a wimp. It might take you three dates to break her down, but she will respect you and trust me: She is ENJOYING resisting you.
Put yourself out there and risk being rejected and nine times out of ten you will not be. I believe in having sex with a woman as quickly as possible and will often make it happen on the first date! Further, if you are any good in the sack and you rock her world, the choice of whether to continue to see her will be all yours and completely on your terms. Not bad huh?
9. BEING ASEXUAL AND MASKING YOUR INTENT IS BAD This goes hand in hand with Number 8 and is also another weak attempt to try to impress her by being a “gentleman” or being a “nice guy”. Guys, she wants to sleep with you, oh maybe consciously it’s not a given quite yet, but because she is with you she is giving you a window of opportunity to make it happen, how long that window stays open, and how long it takes you to jump through it is up to you! I don’t know about you but I live my life as honestly as possible.
Acting as though I’m not interested in having sex with her, being nonchalant or acting “asexual” to me seems downright disingenuous! That’s not to say I walk around like a drooling hound dog, but I don’t sugarcoat my masculinity, censor my speech or act blandly asexual in hopes that she’ll respect me for my intellect and as such want to sleep with me. It just doesn’t work that way and it’s a poor, dishonest way to live your life!
What You Can Do About It: Pepper your speech with double entendres and sexy words like thrust, erect and penetrate. Describe your food as a “tiny little orgasm in every bite”. Develop a “warmly dominant” and flirtatious personality that subtly announces to women “Hey, I’m a man and you want a man don’tcha?” Touch her, learn how to properly escalate physical touching so that she knows “it’s on” and becomes excited about it.
10. NOT UNDERSTANDING THE NEW PARADIGM OF DATING AND SEDUCTION IS BAD! Yes gentleman, it’s time to take dating out of the crusty old box it’s been in for years and bring it into the new millennium! If there’s one thing that the sexual revolution taught us it’s that: WOMEN LOVE SEX JUST AS MUCH AS MEN DO, IF NOT MORE! However, we are still stuck in a world where having random sex with guys she doesn’t know has consequences for a woman. She could get pregnant, catch a disease, her friends could think she’s a slut…
It is therefore your job as a man to remove and / or work around those consequences. You have to accept that woman everywhere want sex and are dying to meet a guy who can guide them through the seduction process, and ultimately give them the mind blowing sex they want in a way that causes it to be “not their fault”. “He swept me off my feet”, “He was irresistible”, “I don’t know what came over me”… You do this by creating intrigue, not masking your intent or trying to impress her, being spontaneous, avoiding the dinner and a movie / overly planned event date and above all HAVING FUN with her!
What You Can Do About It: Think of your own unique, intrigue filled situations and go out and have yourself some fun with some women! Tune up your dating and seduction skills. GET SOME GAME!