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Posted ( Bam Sun) in General on June-27-2007 |
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Let’s be real. It seems that the great majority of men from all cultures are cheaters. Could it be nature or nurture.
As a man I know that we are bombarded with images of sex everyday, everywhere. Even when watching the evening news I notice that most of the women are attractive. Can’t say that for most of the guys. Why is that? That’s just one example.
For a man it’s macho to get as many women as you can while you can. But if a woman does the same then she’s considered a host of unpleasant titles.
I often wonder if women are taught that they can’t be as free sexually as men, or if they just don’t have the desire to be. But I think that women do have the same desires. They just have to be a lot more concerned about what they do in view of the public.
This would explain why women are better cheaters then men are. It’s not socially acceptable for them to be like us, so when they do play our game they are usually better prepared to hide their dirt. Except for those women who make it known that they don’t give a s_it. We all know what we call them. But is it right?
Tell me what you all think……
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Posted ( chief) in Sex on June-26-2007 |
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Foreplay is highly appreciated by men and women as it’s not only an essential part of making you ready for the intercourse but also is the best way to show your affection towards partner. Nothing brings in so much pleasure and colors to lovemaking as foreplay, besides you can always vary the forms of foreplay introducing different erotic plays to make every session unique and sensual.
Why do we need foreplay?
Pleasant atmosphere
Foreplay gives an opportunity for both partners to create sensual air and distract from unnecessary things that can interfere in physical connection.
Arousal
For many women foreplay is necessary condition to become ready for penetration and in a lot of cases foreplay can become a direct path to orgasm. During a foreplay women’s genitals are getting lubricated and men achieve an erection.
Body exploration
Partners learn a good deal about each others bodies during foreplay, one’s preferences and sexual responses. They become more familiar with likes and dislikes and begin to communicate on a physical and emotional level better.
What can you do during foreplay?
It’s up to you to make a foreplay match your needs and in most cases a man and a woman who engage in foreplay may instinctively choose a way to please a partner and derive most pleasure from kissing, caressing each others sensitive zones with hands or mouth or using sex toys.
Foreplay is also not simply a physical activity but also highly gratifying mentally and emotionally. The only thought that you are giving your partner the greatest pleasure or he or she awakens your sexuality can be as arousing as touch. No wonder many sex games are appreciated by men and woman of various ages. keep in mind that foreplay begins in the brain, thats why the best way to start is to talk to your partner and make him or her feel desirable.
What time is required for a foreplay?
There is not such a thing as right time for foreplay. Many sexologists claim that women need more time for foreplay but this issue is very individual and depends on personal attitude, sexual temperament, sexual circumstances, experience and a lot of other things. In fact, one woman can enjoy long foreplay one time and be ready for intercourse with little or no time next time.
The biggest mistake men and women do is to keep to one “push the right button” method during foreplay. Foreplay is not a technical way to bring your partner to orgasm – but more a part of the whole process of making sexual contact more satisfying.
Interesting fact
Scientists taking part in the research of sexual arousal found out that women on average are no different from men when it comes to the time of foreplay. Experts from McGill University Health Centre in Montreal, Canada revealed that irrespective of the gender, people reach the peak of sexual arousal within 10 minutes if they watched sexually explicit movies or pictures. Tuuli Kukkonen and her colleagues from McGill University Health Centre used thermal imaging to record temperature in genitals of men and women.
Participants (28 men and 30 women) were watching different videos from pornography to comedy naked with their genitals exposed. The computer records that were used for the experiment showed that individual‛s baseline temperature increased by 2°C when watching pornography. The difference between men‛s and women‛s temperatures was not significant.
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Every new romantic episode offers a slightly different variation on the chase.
Don’t we love to see one of both characters chase each other through difficult situations until finally they end up with each other? We leave the theatre with smiles in our hearts.
We are weaned on fairy tales - knights in armour slaying dragons so they may woo the fair damsels, princes searching for their princesses. No wonder, even little boys and girls enjoy chasing one another because according to the stories, there’s the perfect payoff; once caught, they live happily ever after.
Most of us believe in this message, “And they lived happily ever after” is so deeply embedded, that it is the downfall of many otherwise great relationships and even more marriages.
We celebrate the act of catching, fostering the myth that it is the nature of man to be the chaser and the woman’s role to be caught, and that once caught, the chase remains history.
I believe it is the responsibility of all who want to experience a growing relationship that they develop, maintain, and improve their respective abilities to chase. I see the chase as the most underrated activity in human romance.
Every year couples look at each other and say things like, “I love you, but I am not in love with you any more!”
When they first came together, the last thing on their minds was the idea that one day they would no longer be in love with each other. They wanted to spend the rest of their lives with someone they loved and who loved them, not someone who would leave them. For too many, they bought into the message that marriage is the grand prize and once you’ve won the prize; you set it somewhere and admire what you accomplished.
The romance fades as the husband and wife neglect their lover selves. They become worker bees, parents, cab drivers, lawn mowers, and worse. They no longer make time to create the chase and savour the excitement it brings.
They’re too caught up in keeping up with the household chores and workplace pressures. They no longer look at each other as great prizes worthy of chasing but as shoulder-tothe-wheel , noses-to-the-grindstone team mates in the struggle of life.
Their conversations shift from sweet sharings of how they feel about one another to whose turn it is to change the diapers.
Dealing exclusively with one mundane situation after another bleeds all the love out of a great relationship. The main way to transfuse lifeblood back into the marriage is to redevelop the chase.
To get the best picture of the chase, go back to your kindergarten years to where the purest form of the chase exists.
Think about two children who are interested in each other. They don’t go up to each other and say, “I’m very interested in you and would like to get to know you better.” Instead they get to know each other by playing games, and one of the most exciting is, ‘tag’ . This game allows them to chase after each other with great energy and excitement.
They laugh and yell as they dart from place to place looking for the opportunity to catch the other person. When he tags her, he declares, ‘You’re it!’ and when she tags him, she announces, ‘You’re it!’ Unlike a marriage that has lost its zest, the children’s game of tag goes on and on, each getting the chance to chase and to be caught over and over again.
Think about how the children look forward to playing the game day after day with the same people. This game seems never to tire them out. There is something about catching someone and being caught by someone that makes the game always exciting.
As adults we need to apply to marriage what we learned from playing tag. We need to be willing to be ‘it’, to start out being the chaser, not waiting for the other person to start the game.
We need to be willing to be caught but not in a fast or easy way because that means the game lasts only a short while; and when you’re having fun, you want it to last as long as possible. No one likes a person who never wants to play; it’s not possible to get to know more and more about anyone who prefers to play by himself and never wants to be part of the chase.
If a person feels like he has to be ‘it’ all the time, he’ll lose interest and stop playing. And, we all know that when the game stops, so does the fun. Keep the fire kindled for it shall take the relationship a long away.
[via Times of India]
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The Top Ten Reasons Why Modern Dating Is Dead – and better yet, what YOU can do about it.
1. SEEKING HER APPROVAL AND ASKING HER OUT IS BAD And here’s the kicker – our entire modern dating system is set up so that you, the man, are being APPROVED OF at every juncture.
You ASK her if she wants to go out with you, you buy her stuff, you pay for her dinner, you give her compliments and at the end of the night you go in for a kiss and maybe you “get lucky”. Where in this equation are your needs being met? What are you, Chopped Liver? She’s the one that ultimately wants a commitment from you, why does she then get to choose, and shouldn’t she be “getting lucky” to have you?
What You Can Do About It: I propose that you no longer seek any sort of approval whatsoever from women. In fact you should be looking at HER critically and asking both yourself and her “Why should I be spending my time with you?” “What is it about you besides your obvious looks, that sets you apart from the multitudes of other beautiful women”. In fact, keep this in mind – there are right now more than likely thousands of beautiful women within a mile of you – RIGHT NOW. Any of those women would be LUCKY to have a happenin’ guy like YOU! Adopt that attitude right now.
2. DATING SITUATIONS CAUSE YOU TO ACT LIKE “OTHER PEOPLE” And That’s BAD! Ever been on a date that seemed more like a job interview than a good time with a cute girl? Ever play that 20 question game knowing full well you didn’t care what she said, you just wanted some action and you tried to tell her whatever she needed to hear to maybe get some? She gets up to go to the bathroom and you are thinking “Gee I hope she likes me!”
Revelation guys - it’s because the whole “frame” of dating causes you to become a different person. Chris Rock makes a joke about dating that “you don’t meet the other person, you meet their REPRESENTATIVE”. There’s just too damned much pressure here, and besides, it’s none of her business how much is in my 401k!
What You Can Do About It: Stop going on lame dates! Keep dates as informal as possible and above all avoid using personas – i.e., don’t play any roles like “successful guy”, “player”, “intellectual snob guy” hoping that’s what she’ll be into, and don’t tailor your answers to suit her, just be real. If you catch her doing it, goof on her!
3. SPENDING LOTS OF TIME PLANNING AN ELABORATE FIRST FEW DATES IS BAD Dinner, dancing, bowling, getting dressed up, this makes you look desperate. Maybe you aren’t desperate but that doesn’t matter – you LOOK desperate in her mind. If you had a busy life and a ton of other options you would not be planning this date to a tee. Nine times out of ten a woman can smell desperation on you. Unless you are a zillionaire and can whisk her off to Paris in your private jet, she’s going to think you are a chump who is just trying to impress her. And you know what – she’s right! Save the elaborate stuff for the fifth date when she already knows that you are a happenin’ guy who doesn’t need to impress her.
What You Can Do About It: Take her grocery shopping, have her tag along while you look at shoes, don’t make plans more than two days out, bring a bottle of wine, some cheap caviar and a box of saltines over to her house and watch “Sex and the City Reruns” with her on the spur of the moment. Keep it convenient, spontaneous, and keep it on your terms!
4. TRYING TO IMPRESS HER IN GENERAL IS BAD. In fact, most women will tell you it’s downright unattractive. Fancy dates, fancy cars, status symbols, bragging about your business deals, all telltale signs that you’ve got nothing going on in the PERSONALITY department and are probably very self conscious in general. Women can smell this too and the only women who respond favorably to this type of small behavior are generally manipulative sociopaths with really low self esteem.
What You Can Do About It: Relax and just be your cool self. Stop worrying about what she will think of you, instead focus on what YOU think of HER. Is she cuttin’ it? Is she worth your time? Further, don’t go too far out of your way on a date, make her come to you, do things that are convenient for you. See Number 3!
5. SPENDING LOTS OF MONEY BUYING HER ROMANTIC THINGS IS BAD This is taking 3 and 4 a step further - I know, I know, your mom told you to show up with a bouquet of roses and take her to the best restaurant, or “I’m only trying to be a gentleman.” This is NOT the prom. In reality things that seem romantic like flowers and candy just set a strong precedent that you will be SPENDING money from here on in.
She will begin to expect you to always be laying out the bread. This will cause her to not respect you as a man, you become the guy whom she hangs out with and tolerates because you buy her things, when you really want to be the guy who makes her all googly moogly and rocks her world in the sack! Also, it’s been my experience that with women of high character and self esteem, buying flowers, candies, and ‘stuff’ for her will tend to creep her out if you do it too soon or too often. It comes back to a weak attempt to try to impress her, masked in the guise of being a gentleman or nice guy.
Further, in that ironic cosmic way that the world works, having this mindset of “I need to take her to the best restaurant and spend money on her to keep her interested in me” will cause you to attract gold diggers, and you know them gold diggers ain’t messin’ with no broke…. Well, you get the point.
What You Can Do About It: Wait a long time before spending money, and the cheaper the better, give her a fun time without blasting a hole in your bank account. Make her a flower with origami, or draw her a rose on a napkin, she’ll appreciate that way more than a $5 rose anyway! Seems silly but trust me it works, when you are strolling down the street, pluck a daisy from the ground and give it to her.
When you DO finally bust a move with the flowers, candy and expensive dinners, she will really swoon and this will further cement her respect for you, and it will come from a place where again – she already knows you are a happenin’ guy and you don’t need to impress her!
6. PLANNING IN ADVANCE IS BAD And hardly ever works. Again, this sets up her approving of you and removes spontaneity. Women want to be swept off their feet, carried away by the moment, etc. How many times have you “asked” a woman out, she tells you “Call me Friday and I’ll let you know”… which of course is code for “If nothing better comes along I’ll let you buy me dinner and lots of drinks”.
Let’s face it gents, women are becoming less and less reliable when it comes to making plans in advance, especially the hotter ones. They Flake, it’s a fact of life. They have options and they need to know, or at least think that you have options too.
What You Can Do About It: Take that “Call me Friday and I’ll let you know” trick away from her and use it yourself! Keep things spontaneous – call her last minute and tell her to meet you across town at the Laundromat. If you are feeling extra cool, make a date with her and flake first. Steal her game away from her and play it back!
7. DINNER AND A MOVIE IS BAD Okay, it’s worse than bad, it just plain SUCKS! It’s a bad plan on so many levels. It’s expensive, it brings out that “REPRESENTATIVE” thing Chris Rock and I were just talking about, it’s predictable and it’s painfully boring. She will be thinking “Oh God, is he going to be like that cheesy guy last week who tried to make out with me in the movie theater?” Ouch! It’s too painful to go on, but I think you get it don’t you? Don’t you?? Phew…
What You Can Do About It: Be original, build some intrigue. HAVE FUN with her! Don’t tell her where you are going, but tell her to wear some nice jeans and sexy shoes or a little black dress and bring a bathing suit and a Rand McNally road Atlas! Oh she doesn’t have one? Well they sell them at Barnes and Noble she can pick one up on her way! Go James Bond baby, but absolutely no no no no dinner and a movie!
8. WAITING TO HAVE SEX WITH HER IS BAD Oh, I know – you are thinking if you wait a few dates, it’ll prove to her that you really aren’t just in it for the booty. Well you are wrong! This is really just a glorified way of trying to impress her and will only cause her to respect you less! You have to understand that she wants you but it’s her societally induced role to play “hard to get”, to play by “the rules” and it’s your job to crack her code and push her toward “giving it up”. This is done by attempting to have sex with her as quickly as you possibly can!
Waiting around and NOT escalating physically will actually cause her to think that you are not interested in her and will automatically banish you to the “friend zone” as a self protective mechanism for her! Her ego cannot fathom that you could be interested in her yet not make a move, so she automatically thinks you have rejected her and to keep you from ever rejecting her again she immediately stops being attracted to you!
This is very often times unconscious behavior for her that she may never be aware of. She will say to her friends “I don’t know what happened. I just stopped being interested in him for some reason… he’s a nice guy but I guess he’s not my type.” Believe me, I’ve got years of practice finding my way into the friend zone, and once you are in it, you ain’t gettin’ out!
What You Can Do About It: Learn how to properly seduce a woman, learn where the escalations are, and learn how to guide her through those escalations as quickly as possible. In other words: Bust A Move! Get Physical! Stop being a wimp. It might take you three dates to break her down, but she will respect you and trust me: She is ENJOYING resisting you.
Put yourself out there and risk being rejected and nine times out of ten you will not be. I believe in having sex with a woman as quickly as possible and will often make it happen on the first date! Further, if you are any good in the sack and you rock her world, the choice of whether to continue to see her will be all yours and completely on your terms. Not bad huh?
9. BEING ASEXUAL AND MASKING YOUR INTENT IS BAD This goes hand in hand with Number 8 and is also another weak attempt to try to impress her by being a “gentleman” or being a “nice guy”. Guys, she wants to sleep with you, oh maybe consciously it’s not a given quite yet, but because she is with you she is giving you a window of opportunity to make it happen, how long that window stays open, and how long it takes you to jump through it is up to you! I don’t know about you but I live my life as honestly as possible.
Acting as though I’m not interested in having sex with her, being nonchalant or acting “asexual” to me seems downright disingenuous! That’s not to say I walk around like a drooling hound dog, but I don’t sugarcoat my masculinity, censor my speech or act blandly asexual in hopes that she’ll respect me for my intellect and as such want to sleep with me. It just doesn’t work that way and it’s a poor, dishonest way to live your life!
What You Can Do About It: Pepper your speech with double entendres and sexy words like thrust, erect and penetrate. Describe your food as a “tiny little orgasm in every bite”. Develop a “warmly dominant” and flirtatious personality that subtly announces to women “Hey, I’m a man and you want a man don’tcha?” Touch her, learn how to properly escalate physical touching so that she knows “it’s on” and becomes excited about it.
10. NOT UNDERSTANDING THE NEW PARADIGM OF DATING AND SEDUCTION IS BAD! Yes gentleman, it’s time to take dating out of the crusty old box it’s been in for years and bring it into the new millennium! If there’s one thing that the sexual revolution taught us it’s that: WOMEN LOVE SEX JUST AS MUCH AS MEN DO, IF NOT MORE! However, we are still stuck in a world where having random sex with guys she doesn’t know has consequences for a woman. She could get pregnant, catch a disease, her friends could think she’s a slut…
It is therefore your job as a man to remove and / or work around those consequences. You have to accept that woman everywhere want sex and are dying to meet a guy who can guide them through the seduction process, and ultimately give them the mind blowing sex they want in a way that causes it to be “not their fault”. “He swept me off my feet”, “He was irresistible”, “I don’t know what came over me”… You do this by creating intrigue, not masking your intent or trying to impress her, being spontaneous, avoiding the dinner and a movie / overly planned event date and above all HAVING FUN with her!
What You Can Do About It: Think of your own unique, intrigue filled situations and go out and have yourself some fun with some women! Tune up your dating and seduction skills. GET SOME GAME!
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E’s Question of the day:
Does it bother you to think about how many sex partners your current partner has had?
Or do you think about it at all?
I know when you’re involved in a relationship. It can be difficult to think about your lover being with another person, much less talk about it. But with disease and so many unplanned pregnancies, I think it’s absolutely imperative that it be discussed.
But how do you go about approaching the subject? And will you be able to handle the answer once you get it?
My ex once told me, “Don’t ask me anything you don’t want to know the answer to.” So I asked. And honestly even though I’d had twice as many partners as she’d had I still felt kinda’ weird about it. It took a while for me to put it out of my mind. Every time she would run into an old friend when we’d be out together I’d want to know if he was one of the many.
How do you deal with your ex being so friendly to those they use to be sexually active with?
Please tell me what you think…..
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Six Surefire Ways to End Up Old and Lonely
It seems to be a natural human trait that we don’t recognize the value of what we have until it is gone. People often make statements such as:
“You never call or come to visit.”
They wonder why. Sometimes we have to do some really difficult soul searching to find the answer. But if you’re really hell bent on being old and lonely here are a few ways to accomplish that task.
Alienate everyone you know.
There are several easy ways to do this. Be rude. Insult them. Keep a totally negative attitude. Complain all the time. If that doesn’t work they’re just gluttons for punishment. Never fear. There are other ways.
Get rid of excess baggage.
If they live with you just throw them out at least once a week. Sooner or later they’ll get tired of all the packing and unpacking and just move on. If they’re the stubborn type you may have to repeat the process several times for it to be effective. But repetitive behavior does pay off eventually.
Use words that hurt.
Treat them like crap. Tell them how worthless they are. Downplay their good points. Focus on their faults, weaknesses and flaws. Never give them any credit. Talk down to them. That usually works really well.
Get downright selfish.
Point out all the wonderful things you’ve done for them but don’t acknowledge anything they’ve done for you. Use the words I, me, my and mine a lot. Remind them how they would be nothing without you.
Play the blame game.
Blame them for every negative thing that has ever happened in your life. No. Don’t stop there. Go for the gusto. Blame them for everything that has gone wrong in the entire world. This will really bring them to their knees.
Replace them but keep them around like a spare tire.
If you want to break off a relationship tell him or her that there’s bigger, better fish in the sea. In fact, reel one in to bring home and put the trophy on display. This will really get him or her where it hurts. Don’t forget to say you’ll always be friends. That’s a real tearjerker. Don’t forget to call your old flame to watch the kids so you and the new flame can have fun. That’s sticking the knife between the shoulder blades and twisting real hard.
If it’s your friends you’re giving the brush off to just tell them you’ve found other friends that are more fun, influential or have more money. You’ll have some new enemies to go along with your new friends.
Time has passed and you have only your memories to keep you company. The new friends that you tossed aside your old friends for have made new friends of their own. Family members became weary of trying and moved on. You sabotaged your last relationship just like the one before and now you’re all alone. Don’t you wish you had done things differently?
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To say women are complicated sexually is about as obvious as me pointing out you’d be awfully tired if you tried to swim from here to Australia. Everyone knows women find it harder to orgasm than men do. Here’s a rundown of the reasons why — and how to up your chances of enjoying hassle-free sex like he does.
You Just Don’t Feel Like It
Pinpoint exactly what’s happening
Temporary lack of desire means you normally love sex but are just going through an off period. Long-term lack of desire means passion hasn’t lived at your house for quite some time. Low sensation means you want sex but your body doesn’t, refusing to respond physically to erotic arousal of the brain. Your genitals remain dry and you’ve got a low sensitivity to touch and sensation on your clitoris and vaginal area.
If you’re suffering from low sensation, head for your doctor and ask for a referral to a good gynecologist for a full check-up. The problem’s usually physically based with common culprits being pelvic surgery like hysterectomy, high blood pressure, smoking, high cholesterol hormonal changes like having a baby and medications.
Temporary lack of desire can usually be pinpointed to a specific event if you think hard enough. Apart from the obvious things like having a baby, there’s stress (Just got a promotion? Moved to a new house?), exhaustion (all or any of the above), the death of a loved one, tension in your relationship and any one of a number of things which make you feel less than wonderful. If you can identify a specific event, the solution usually presents itself along with the realization. Super stressed? Rethink your priorities. If you’re grieving, give yourself time to heal.
If you haven’t felt sexual for a year or more and have no idea why, that’s when you need to sit up and pay attention. And be truthful. The first and most likely reason you’re not (ever) turned on is you’re in the wrong relationship or your partner’s a lousy lover. By far the biggest obstacle between us and the Big O is a partner who hasn’t the first clue about how to get us there. I’m happy to report, however, that with some open, honest communication and education about what you need to orgasm, this can be solved.
Are you subconsciously withholding sex?
A tad more disturbing is realizing the problem is not your partner’s technique but the fact you simply don’t fancy him. While there are plenty of ways to try to spice up your sex life, it’s unlikely you’ll be waking the neighbors if the thrill is simply gone. The solution to that — deciding whether to leave or stay in a sexless relationship — is something I’m going to leave with you, I’m afraid. There are so many individual factors, only you can decide that one!
Sex is a powerful bargaining tool in relationships. If your partner’s always been sex mad, withdrawing his main source of pleasure if he’s not behaving out of bed can be tremendously satisfying. Sometimes, particularly if you’re angry, you’re aware you are doing it. (That’ll teach the jerk!) Other times, if you’re deeply hurt, it happens on an unconscious level. Sex problems are rarely just about sex, they’re usually a sign the relationship’s a bit wobbly, as well.
On The Somewhat Positive Side
Equally as common and just as destructive to your sex life: You’ve become too close to your partner. How was sex in the beginning? If it was good and you’re still attracted to them, if not lusting after them, intimacy is rudely pushing passion aside. It’s ironic: The couples who have the closest, soul-mate connection and the best relationships often have the worst sex lives. A crucial ingredient to having good long-term sex is novelty: if you’ve become matching bookends with the same tastes and views, that’s hard to achieve. Couples who push each other out of their comfort zones, challenging each other to try new things and see things from a different point of view, tend to fare better in the bedroom.
A Few Other Things to Consider
- Rule out medical causes. First, have a full medical consultation to assess your lifestyle, general health, medication and hormone levels.
- Desire is a decision. It doesn’t just happen; you have to make it happen. Accept responsibility for your own arousal. Work out what turns you on and do it. Spontaneous lust happens easily in the beginning, but not so easily later on.
- Make a weekly date for sex (minimum) and three other dates (an hour each time) to simply spend time together outside the bedroom. Make these dates a top of your priority list — not last on the list. When the time comes make an effort to enthusiastically participate, and you might find you enjoy it as much as he does!
- Don’t play the blame game. Just because your partner wants to get horizontal with you does not mean he is bordering on sex addiction. It’s a compliment! Fight the Why should I do something I don’t want to do? stubbornness. Instead, try everything in your power to make sex a pleasure, not a chore.
You’re Having Orgasmless Sex
Pinpoint the Problem
If you’re preorgasmic you’ve never had an orgasm, if you’re anorgasmic you’re able to orgasm through masturbation but not able to have one with your partner. Which one are you?
Never, ever had one?
The first thing to do is experiment with a vibrator. Almost all women can orgasm this way and you’ll have an idea of what you’re aiming for. After teaching yourself to orgasm using a vibrator (Simply hold it over the clitoral area with your vaginal lips closed), it’s then a matter of training yourself to masturbate with your fingers. Next, teach your partner how to do it and start experimenting with oral sex. The most reliable ways for women to orgasm: a vibrator, his tongue or his fingers. Add personal lubricant — a big dollop — when masturbating and you’ll notice a huge difference.
Some Tips
- Educate yourself about your body. Buy some good, non-judgmental basic reference books, especially those which talk about masturbation and orgasms. The less educated you are about sex, the less likely you are to orgasm if you’re female.
- Don’t stop stimulation because you’re worried you’ll pee yourself. The first few times you orgasm, it does feel a bit like you’re about to urinate. Trust me, you’re not! Stop worrying, close your eyes and try to get past the feeling.
- Can’t orgasm even with a vibrator? There could be deep, psychological factors at play, perhaps an early traumatic experience you don’t remember but which is influencing you. Sometimes, our brain will “hide” information from us if it thinks it’s too painful to recall. Sounds clever — and it is to a point — but your brain isn’t the only thing which remembers; your body does too. If you feel there’s something wrong, but you’re not sure what, or if you feel generally uncomfortable about sex, arrange to see a counselor or therapist.
You can orgasm just fine solo, you just can’t do it with him?
Welcome to a very big club. Seventy seven percent of women find it easier to reach orgasm alone, rather than with a partner. Even those who work up the courage to show their partner the technique which does it for them, fall at the gate. Why? Because their partner doesn’t do it for long enough and after requesting that he do it a certain way, it feels wrong to also demand he does it for longer. But here’s a newsflash: Studies show men actually prefer to be told what to do! The reason they stop way too soon is simply because it takes much less time for him to orgasm and he assumes you’re the same. Tell him it can take up to 20 minutes to reach orgasm and he’ll relax and settle in.
If you still can’t orgasm without a vibrator, it’s time for an introduction: “Vibrator, meet [insert the name of your partner]. [Insert the name of your partner], meet my vibrator.” At first, you should hold it against your clitoris as he continues to stimulate you elsewhere: massaging breasts, kissing you, penetrating you with his fingers. Once you both know you can orgasm by using the vibrator, the pressure is off. As he gets more practiced with the technique you like, take the vibrator out of your top drawer later and later into the sex session. Let him bring you closer and closer to orgasm without it - and eventually you’ll tip over the edge without having to use it at all. If you’re worried he’ll be threatened by a vibrator doing what he can’t, suggest using a vibrating penis ring.
If you get stuck at the “almost there” point, try switching stimulation - you’ve probably desensitised yourself. Try adding something new. If you’re into anal stimulation, a well-lubricated finger delivered with sensitivity and timing could do the trick.
You Secretly Think Sex is Something Bad or Dirty
Most women learn how to orgasm through masturbation. If you come from a strict religious background or had parents who told you touching yourself was dirty and deviant, chances are you didn’t masturbate. But it’s never too late to start exploring your body! Take baby steps until you’re at the point where you can bring yourself to orgasm. Some other ideas:
- Educate yourself about sex. Read some good books and get your partner to do the same.
- Normalize sex by renaming it. Using a word your brain doesn’t instantly associate with “bad” makes it less threatening. For instance, try calling sex “having fun” (ahem).
- Stop worrying about what everyone thinks. We’re worried that our partner will judge us. We’re worried what our Mum might think if she saw us. Lighten up! Whenever you feel your thoughts go in this direction, fight it — and refuse to let yourself go there.
- Give up the body image issues. So you’re not perfect… Shock! Horror! Neither am I. And neither is anyone I know in real life (men included)! Get over it and do what men do: When you look in the mirror, focus on the good parts, not the bad.
- Examine your sexual past. What messages did you get from your parents about sex? What other past experiences have you had which could be affecting you now? Talk to trusted friends. Talk to your partner. Talk to a therapist if you’d like.
- Stay in the moment when you’re having sex. Concentrate on feelings and sensations. If you feel your mind wander into negative territories - or even into your to-do list! — drag it back. Open your eyes and watch if it keeps your mind on it. And don’t make orgasm the focus: Just let yourself enjoy what’s happening right then and there.
via [iVillage]
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Posted ( Bam Sun) in General on June-11-2007 |
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What’s up world? Just a quick intro of myself. My name is Erin, I live in Chicago, born and raised in St. Louis. I will be the new “Blog” guy for this great and wonderful site.
I’m no expert on love or relationships. I’m just a regular heterosexual 30-year-old brother who’s been thru it all when it comes to women. And over the last year or so I decided to take time away from relationships and focus all of my time and energy on my career. I’m a filmmaker / writer, currently working on a Universal Studios film here in the Chi.
My objective on this site is to put questions out there concerning relationships and to answer any questions that are asked of me concerning relationships. I’ll try to keep it interesting.
Again this is all just my opinion. And I AM NO EXPERT. I’m just an honest individual. So please hit me up with any questions or comments.
Peace
Question: How important is it to hold back a little when you are in an early, loving relationship?
When I was in college I was hanging with a few of my female friends. As usual I was the only guy around and we got into a pretty heated conversation about relationships.
One of them turned to me and said, “When you are in love you are not supposed to think about things going wrong.”
I thought that was pretty stupid. My argument was that in any situation you should be prepared for the day that things are no longer the same. If that means putting a little nest egg to the side that your partner doesn’t know about, so be it.
But later when I thought about what she was saying I understood that I sounded like some type of love skeptic, which I am.
But my logic is that nothing last forever. So when your relationship does end, how long will it take you to get back to normal, by yourself and for yourself?
But I wonder if that mentality keeps me from opening myself up enough to allow true love into my life…. Probably so.
My question is should you pour yourself into someone else completely? If not how do you give enough and not everything?
What do you all think?
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If you’ve got a significant other, I highly recommend you keep the spark of your relationship alive and find ways to show you appreciate each other, every week and every day, if possible.
Look for little, inexpensive ways to be romantic, and it will pay off for your relationship in innumerable ways.
Why inexpensive? Well, you could rent a limo and take your love to a snooty French restaurant, or whisk him or her off to a trip to the snow-capped Alps, or rent a stadium and have the Three Tenors sing love songs for you while the New York Philharmonic plays in the background. I don’t know about you, but I can’t afford to do that kind of stuff more than a few times a month. The rest of the time, I have to resort to cheaposity.
Before we get into the list, let’s look at a few notes on how to use the list:
1. Weekly dates. I recommend you have a date at least once a week with your partner. It doesn’t have to be an expensive one, but at least find some way to spend a couple hours time together. If you’ve got kids, like I do, find a babysitter.
2. Communicate. Romantic gestures don’t take the place of real communication. Take time to talk about your goals, your dreams, your plans for the future, your current lives, things you’re happy about, things you love about the other person, things you’d like to work on, things you’re grateful for.
3. Inspiration. This list contains a lot of obvious stuff - you could probably come up with twice as many good ideas yourself. But the list doesn’t aim for originality - it aims to be an inspiration. Pick and choose some good ideas, or use it to spark some of your own. Sometimes we just need a little reminder.
4. Forget Valentines. Boycott Valentine’s Day, as it makes people think they should be romantic on special occasions. Instead, pick one of these ideas and do it any day of the week - no need for a special occasion.
OK, enough talk. Let’s look at some ways to be romantic without breaking your budget (note to my mom: don’t read this, as there are a couple of sexy-time things later on):
1. Write a poem.
2. Cook a romantic dinner.
3. Give a full-body massage.
4. Pack a sunset picnic.
5. Pick wildflowers on the way home.
6. Burn a CD with love songs.
7. Give dark chocolates.
8. Read poetry together.
9. Prepare strawberries with fondue chocolate.
10. Snuggle together on a rainy day.
11. Leave little love notes everywhere.
12. Send a love email every day.
13. Take a moonlit walk on the beach.
14. Snuggle together while watching romantic movies (Casablanca, Audrey Hepburn are my favs).
15. Get good wine, watch shooting stars.
16. Take a bath together (use bubbles!).
17. Bring home good coffee or a decadent sweet.
18. Take a walk down memory lane - visit some of the special places from your early days of dating.
19. Make warm chocolate cake for dessert.
20. Make a scrapbook with photos, mementos, and little notes from you lives together.
21. Kiss in the rain.
22. Ride a ferris wheel.
23. Sneak away from a party and make out.
24. Bring home great take-out, and light some candles.
25. Fix something or fix up the house just to make your partner happy.
26. Slow dance to romantic music.
27. Take a nap together.
28. Kiss slowly, touching his or her back and neck and nape - slowly.
29. Make a list of everything you love about him or her.
30. Write a love letter.
31. Clip or email things that make you think of him or her, every day.
32. Go to a movie, ignore the movie, and make out like teen-agers.
33. Groom yourself, and try to look good for your partner.
34. Take some quiet time and talk about your day.
35. Write little notes, one for each way he or she drives you crazy.
36. Feed each other grapes.
37. Recreate your partner’s favorite romantic movie scene.
38. Pretend you’re going on a first date - show up at the door with flowers, all dressed up, with your car washed and cleaned, looking spiffy. Recreate the first time.
39. Create a little box with a bunch of your partner’s favorite things inside.
40. Paint each other with flavored body paint. Be creative!
41. Try some sexy role-playing. Get dressed up, be daring, have fun.
42. Give a little token to your partner to wear, and say it’s to remind him or her all day that you love them.
43. Sing a favorite song to him or her. Only do this if you can sing fairly well.
44. Have dinner on the roof, with some candles. This doesn’t work if your roof slopes sharply.
45. Hold hands, and walk somewhere with lots of pretty lights.
46. Say I love you. In a different way, every day.
47. Blindfold your partner. Use a feather. Slowly.
48. Declare your love, very publicly.
49. Fruit or berries and freshly made whipped cream.
50. Play Sade. Do what comes naturally. Slowly.
via [zenhabits.net]
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