1. After you get engaged, put a moratorium on planning — or even talking about planning — for at least six weeks. Or longer. Take time to let things
soak in.

2. Once you decide when and where you’re getting married, pat yourselves on the back. If you accomplish that, the two of you can handle anything else in
this process.

3. Take marriage education courses. I give detailed descriptions of this somewhat mysterious (but growing) field and specific recommendations in the
book, but www.smartmarriages.org is a great place to find a class to get you started.

4. Limit your consumption of wedding media. Take magazines and TheKnot.com in small doses.

5. Treat your in-laws like family from the moment you get engaged. But remember: Blood fights with blood. Let your husband-to-be handle his side of
the family; you handle yours. And no matter which side of the aisle they’ll be sitting on, the people who love you and want to be a part of the wedding
deserve your caring and consideration. Be as diplomatic as you possibly can be. It’s not just your day.

6. Find a candid, caring, recently married female friend who can be your sounding board. Go to her first when you’re upset.

7. Make time for yourself. No matter how busy you get, don’t abandon your old routines. In fact, guard your “alone time” even more fiercely. Work out
at least once a week; don’t even think about skipping. Yoga is the ideal engagement exercise. I also recommend keeping a journal.

8. Try to take the long view: Don’t let your imagination stall at the wedding day. (That approach is good both for keeping things in perspective
and for keeping you out of debt.)

9. Honor glances backwards at previous relationships — yours, and your fiancé’s.

10. Don’t be afraid of or discouraged by fighting with your fiancé. Allow for ebbs and flows in every kind of emotion during your engagement —
including how fondly you think of each other.

— from Kelly Bare’s book, “The F Word

Writer Kelly Bare gives her tips and advice to fiances in her book “The F Word: A Fiance Shares Her Story From ‘I Will’ to ‘I Do’.”